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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could do with a little help please.

30 replies

chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 01:24

I have been battling depression since April. I see no way out at the moment.
I had a tough upbringing which i won't go into as it's a long story.
I suppose hitting 30 this year and going through a rough patch with my OH has made my depression worse.
My problem is this. My Oh keeps making promises to spend time with me. We never really see each other so when he does promise me it lifts up my spirit so to speak. Yet he keeps letting me down. Other things crop up like his brother needs a lift, a friend is in town or like todays excuse. He's going to visit a woman beater in prison! I'm fuming and devastated at the same time.
At the moment i feel like i'm cracking up and i really need my OH's time. I had arranged for my mum to have the kids so i can spend the day with him then he tells me he's going to visit a piece of crap in prison!!
He thinks i'm reading to much into it and i'm being dramatic. Aibu??
Please don't start giving me down the, i'm literally on the edge.

OP posts:
Nittynana · 05/01/2013 01:28

Depression is a hideous disease, made worse by feeling that your oh wont prioritise you and your needs.
Have you been to your gp?

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 01:29

Not yet. I don't know why, i just don't want to go. I'm trying to keep it hidden at the moment. God i just don't know what's wrong with me.

OP posts:
Nittynana · 05/01/2013 01:48

There is nothing wrong with you. You are depressed. Depression is an illness and can be treated.
You also have an inconsiderate oh
Please make a gp appointment

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 05/01/2013 01:51

Go to the GP, you shouldn't be dealing with this alone. Does your OH feel overwhelmed as well or is he just a bit shit?

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 01:57

Well after tonights episode i would say he's a bit shit. He called me a weirdo and a c**t.
He goes out thursday, friday and saturday nights. He gets hammered then comes in and calls me names. He thinks i'm a freak of nature, he told me so.

OP posts:
Catchingmockingbirds · 05/01/2013 02:00

Tbh based on your last post I'd guess that he's the one probably making you depressed!

soontobeburns · 05/01/2013 02:00

Your OP does sound like a shit tbh but have you told him how your feeling? He may just think your being difficult.

Please go to your GP and speak to your OH. If you dont wanf ADs try St Johns Wort just make sure it doesnt effect other tablets. They do work.

Hope you get better OP Thanks

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:02

He's a bit like a caveman. He doesn't like to show his feelings and he's an idiot when he's had a drink.
He hates seeing me cry, he said it winds him up.

OP posts:
Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:04

I try to tell him my feelings but he says i'm chatting shit and he tries to move me out of the way so he can see the tv.
He just doesn't care.

OP posts:
Dryjuice25 · 05/01/2013 02:07

"my other half has made my depression worse...." There is the problem. You dont need pills. You need to sort this with him.

What do you get out of this relationship? It sounds horrendously emotionally abusive and you are being neglected by someone who is suppossed to make life better. If he hates see you cry then he needs to stop making you cry. He is a dick, sorry

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:09

I've been up most of the night writing him a letter. Hopefully he will read it and try to sort his own issues out.
It's not like i'm down all the time. I just need a little support from the man i love. Not too much to ask is it.

OP posts:
Dryjuice25 · 05/01/2013 02:10

He knows you are depressed and feeling neglected and vulnerable. He knows this. He is not helping the situation. How is he with the dcs?

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:11

He's good with the dc's. He's very loving towards them and he dotes on them. It's just me he's weird with.

OP posts:
Dryjuice25 · 05/01/2013 02:13

Well, good dads dont abuse mothers of their children. Good luck though with the letter.

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:17

Thanks Dryjuice.

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 05/01/2013 02:20

I think you will find help at your GP surgery. There is nothing wrong with you for prioritising your health and getting some treatment for depression is someone most of us do at some point in our lives.

As far as your OH goes, he needs to take a spoon of concrete and harden up. It sounds to me as if he is in no position to make negative comments on anyone else. You are neither a freak or a weirdo. If he has not learned in childhood to form a two sided relationship or experience and deal with his own emotions it is not your fault.

Take care of yourself first chicken and if he has nothing to offer in the process then leave him out of it for the moment. When you are stronger you can decide how or whether to talk with him. If you think he is adding to your problems then perhaps you need to think about how you can get a bit of space from him for a while whilst you take stock. He may truly believe the things he's been saying to you and judging from his avoiding behaviour he may think he can treat you as he likes. Getting some space for yourself might actually make him give his head a shake and step up to support you.

Arseface · 05/01/2013 02:20

How long have you and OH been together? Based on what you've said here he sounds like a total bastard!
Being a bit of a silent strong 'caveman' is fine if he doesn't say much but gives you a hug and a listening ear when you're feeling shit.
Kicking you when you're down is completely different. The things he's saying are really horrible OP. I'd feel pretty depressed if my DH spoke to me like that and put me at the bottom of his list so contemptuously Sad .

Definitely make that GP appt. Make it your number one priority and don't leave things any longer. You don't deserve to be feeling this awful. Depression is such a life sucking thing but there is a lot of help available. Once you are feeling stronger you can tackle your twat of an OH.

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:23

We have been together for 15 years. He's my childhood sweetheart.

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 05/01/2013 02:25

He doesn't sound like much of a sweetheart at the moment...

Damash12 · 05/01/2013 02:28

Aah poor you, you sound soooo fed up and after reading your other posts I can see why. I don't think your seeing the wood for the trees Hun. The names he as called you will bring you down and make you depressed. I know you say you love him but how much of his behaviour is actually causing you pain. Love shouldn't hurt! Please also see your GP and take help if offered. Good luck and please look after yourself.

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 02:28

He's not. He's being a complete arsehole at the moment.

OP posts:
theressomethingaboutmarie · 05/01/2013 02:36

Your DH sounds nothing short of useless and is no doubt contributing to your feelings. When I suffered from depression a couple if years ago, my DH was the one who listened and pushed me to go to the GP who was enormously helpful. After a few months on medication, I felt better and stronger so whilst I appreciate that your DH is not helping the situation, you need to sort your head out before tackling the problem that is him.

Good luck op, there is light at the end of the tunnel x

Original poster
chickensarmpit · 05/01/2013 11:36

I wrote him a letter explaining how he makes me feel. He told me he doesn't want to know about my bullshit. I feel even worse now.
I think it's the end of the road for us and it breaks my heart knowing he doesn't care.

OP posts:
susanann · 05/01/2013 12:27

OP im so sorry that youre in this situation. I suffer with depression too, you must go to see your GP. There is no need to feel embarrassed/ashamed/bad because you have depression. I suspect your DH is a large contributing factor to how you feel. Im so sorry the letter didnt work, yes I think this is the end of the road for your relationship. My fiance is so supportive, hes brilliant. That is what you deserve too. Please go to your GP they can help. Please feel free to PM me if you like.

PessaryPam · 05/01/2013 12:34

chickensarmpit I try to tell him my feelings but he says i'm chatting shit and he tries to move me out of the way so he can see the tv.
He just doesn't care.

You deserve better than this. I think you should go to your doctor and get the depression addressed but also you need to look at your life and the people in it and decide how to progress. Maybe a break from the OH may give you perspective to move on to a better future? He doesn't sound like he's doing much for now.

Big hug to you and I hope your 2013 is the turn around year for you.

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