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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to teach my child some witty comebacks

42 replies

DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:30

Hello,

my eldest boy wears glasses and is nearly 8. He is now just starting to be on the receiving end of 'four eyes' comments amongst other things and it is upsetting him a little bit. I know this is par for the course and that it is bound to happen (although it is of course not very nice) but would I be unreasonable to teach him some witty comebacks to respond to these little blighters that like to take the piss, and if it's NU, has anybody got any good ones?

Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:39

I know, I know, it's dead boring compared with lots of other threads, but opinions, anyone?

OP posts:
Dominodonkey · 04/01/2013 23:41

YANBU, however be careful. If a teacher hears him saying something mean and has not heard what has provoked him, he will be the only one who gets into trouble.

HollyBerryBush · 04/01/2013 23:43

TBH so amany children now wear glasses or braces, I've never heard a spiteful comment and I'm on secondary education.

Perhapsa simple "My glasses are the biggest problem in your life?" with a quizical side turn of the head.

People only harp on if they get a reaction, no reaction, problem goes away. You feed it with sarky comments and the perpetrator knows there is a problem to be gnawed at.

Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:44

Nothing particularly mean, just a response in order to maintain his dignity as it were. Problem is, I just don't know what it is he could say.

He was quite upset by this other boy the other day who kept on at him and was making fun of his glasses and so i thought if he had something up his sleeve, it might not be so bad/

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EverybodysSnowyEyed · 04/01/2013 23:45

shrug of shoulders "twice as good then"

ds has been teased about his (top 50!) name by one boy and whilst I did think of lots of come backs I decided it was best to encourage a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders and an 'is that the best you can come up with?' or 'not very original are you'

stops ds getting in trouble for being mean and he words it the way he would say it. doesn't stop the other kid but it has stopped ds getting upset by it!

HollyBerryBush · 04/01/2013 23:46

Dignity is usually construed through silence (and the odd pitying look)

Bullies can only bully if they get a reaction

Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:46

Well he's not quite 8 so I am surprised by the fact that this is happening too, but the incident that started this one was a boy who kept on saying it, despite a lack of response and so I thought perhaps a smart comment, might be the best thing. Who knows! My brother wore glasses and he was badly teased for them.

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JustAHolyFool · 04/01/2013 23:47

Better than any comeback is just to stare for a couple of seconds, maybe tilt your head to the side and then walk off.

Nothing anyone can say to that.

Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:48

No Holly, that's not true at all!
A bully is not just a bully if they get a reaction!
Dear god!
Fictitious example here of a child who is mocked daily for her hair, clothes etc but never defends herself, but she's not being bullied because she doesn't react? I don't think so.

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EverybodysSnowyEyed · 04/01/2013 23:49

my ds is only 5 so ignoring or a hard stare don't work because the boy in question doesn't have the emotional intelligence to read the difference between 'ignoring me because he doesn't care' or 'ignoring me because i've really upset him'

not sure about 8 year olds though!!

Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:50

Yeah, you're probably right. And my general stance is to say walk away from it, all sorts of aggro really, but he mentioned that this kid kept on about it (repeatedly saying 'four-eyes', 'four-headed cyclops (WTF?)' and that he just didn't know what to say back to it.

I don't know that I would be able to ignore someone, if they kept on at me

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fishcalledwonder · 04/01/2013 23:51

Glasses are now so fashionable that 'cool' slebs wear plain glass ones so (as someone who wore terrible glasses as a kid) I was really hoping this problem didn't exist anymore.

Witty remarks will be wasted on the 7 year old little sod that's bothering him. As Holly said, he needs to brush it off with a withering look.

sheeesh · 04/01/2013 23:53

My Go To phrase that I've taught DC: "I'm 'this' ( finger and thumb together) interested in what you say".

Alternatives include, " I don't care what you think because it's not important to me" and " what you think doesn't matter to me" etc etc.

Have also tried to teach them that sometimes some people find it hard to be kind if they're feeling bad about themselves. Then we go through examples to reinforce how that works.

DD is 8 and wears glasses with quite a high prescription

sheeesh · 04/01/2013 23:55

Just read the post about withering look... Yup also very effective

IkissedSanta · 04/01/2013 23:55

maybe speak to your son about the bully. my sons have been bullied and i talked to them about why the bully was bullying them, jealously can be it sometimes or that the child is just plain horrible.

improving self esteem and encouraging them to think that this horrible person is nothing so their opinion means nothing. if you get what i mean

rolling eyes and ignoring works best hence the thoughts that that person means nothing.

hopefully the bully will get bored with the no reaction.

fishcalledwonder · 04/01/2013 23:56

Hmmm. Actually sounds pretty unpleasant. Anything that persistent needs adult intervention. I'm sure he'd get bored if he knew the class teacher was aware he'd been upsetting your son.

Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:56

Thanks sheesh that is useful, not overly personal which I wouldn't advocate, but dismissive all the same.
I'm not sure how good he'd be a 'giving a look' or how much another child would be able to interpret it.

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Original poster
DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:58

It happened at soft-play when I wasn't there and was from a child he hadn't met before, and is not likely to see again. He told me all about it when he got home because he really wasn't sure what to do.

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ginhag · 04/01/2013 23:59

'Bullies can only bully if they get a reaction'

A neat point to make. If you or your children have never been bullied. It is actually still, ALWAYS the bully's fault. Just so you know. < helpful>

HollyBerryBush · 05/01/2013 00:00

Or you could do what my DS16 says when he's disinterested ... rummages in his pocket, out turns it ... lengthy pause ... "I'm looking for a fuck to give you" .... but I'm assuming you wont want your 8yo to come out with that

FelicityWasSanta · 05/01/2013 00:01

Find out the coolest person o. TV/popstar with glasses-- that's cool to an 8 year old. And next time he gets teased tell him to say,

'I wear glasses like X celebrity, he's cool/nice/fun'

fishcalledwonder · 05/01/2013 00:01

Oh, ok. Well if it's outside school, you don't have to worry about teaching him some suitably snotty comebacks!

Original poster
DamnBamboo · 05/01/2013 00:01

Ha holly I wouldn't really no but 'flying fig' would be a good substitute there.

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ginhag · 05/01/2013 00:02

Oh I do quite like that holly!

DS1 isn't even 5 yet so it prob wouldn't go down well, but it is a great retort

BabysPointlessPocket · 05/01/2013 00:02

Say, "are you stupid? You can't count thicko, I've got two eyes just like you, where are. My other two eyes then, huh? "