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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that people think you can't have 3 DCs and work?

68 replies

twogirlsandamessyhouse · 04/01/2013 17:14

Mentioned to a friend that we're planning DC no. 3 and she looked at me like I was crazy. Said I couldn't possibly do my job and have 3 kids. Job does require concentration and some travel, and DH does work hard, but my job is quite flexible... But really? Surely there are women in the world who have more than 2 and hold down FT jobs??

OP posts:

lljkk · 04/01/2013 20:39

My mum had 3 & worked FT back in the 1960s. Supported my dad thru lawschool, too.

But she didn't much like it.

forevergreek · 04/01/2013 21:56

But people can afford childcare often if they think out the box. Like I mentioned we do use nursery x2 children but a lot less than it would be as only 3 days per child ( 2 days together mon/tue, wed eldest,thurs youngest), then a combination of them coming to work and us working from home

Lots of people I know now work 4 days each in the office, meaning only 3 days childcare. Or 5 days in 4, long hours on less days, half from home, solely from home, combination of above plus some childcare

You don't need mon-fri, 8-6 cover to work

Arithmeticulous · 04/01/2013 22:00

You do if your job is 8-6, Monday- Friday...

KittyFane1 · 04/01/2013 22:05

It all depends on money, if you can afford to pay for childcare and how much support you and your DH get from family or paid help.

Mu1berryBush · 04/01/2013 22:07

Who cares what other people think? but I'd assume you earn a higher than average salary to be able to afford the childcare. Would it bother you if people assumed that?

forevergreek · 04/01/2013 22:41

No that's what I'm saying. You can work full time, but it might be funny hours.

For example I leave at 7am, return at 5.30pm those days. Dh leaves at 11am, returns 9pm. So he drops dcs at nursery 4 hours after I leave. So we only pay from 11-6 at nursery instead of 7-6. We still work 10hr days with paying for less than that in childcare. I'm trying to show that thinking and working outside the box may work for many more people.

Even if you work 8-6, maybe dh could work 6am-4pm, or 10am-8pm, saving 2hrs childcare a day, 10hrs a week etc etc

Nodecentnickname · 04/01/2013 22:44

My mum was a lone parent with three kids and worked. It can be done!

dontsufferfools · 04/01/2013 22:48

I have five and work full time. I have family support but if even if I choose to have another I would have no choice but to eventually return to work. I do what I have to do to support my children.

Original poster

twogirlsandamessyhouse · 04/01/2013 23:03

Reading through all these posts let me just say that you ALL ROCK.

Quite sick of the assumption (by society) that the cost of childcare needs to come out of the mother's salary. I don't make that much, but together our salaries cover everything we need to cover incl. childcare.

Now to a.) come up with witty reply to the 'how on earth will you manage' comments and b.) count days until I get to POAS (am I using the right abbreviation?)

Witty replies, anyone?

OP posts:

MerylStrop · 04/01/2013 23:15

Well the answer to a. is "Because I Rock", surely?

Plomino · 04/01/2013 23:16

I have 5 and work full time . Commute is 100 miles each way . Up until DH retired last year , we both worked full time doing the same job , just on opposite shifts , so that one of us was working every day of the year . We used to work it so that the one of us who was about to finish their last night duty , left at 3 am , so as to be home for 4.55am , so the other one could be on the 5.09 train in time for early turn . Then the one who had done night duty usually had about 90 minutes sleep before starting the getting to school saga and then going home for another nap before retrieving youngest from nursery and then vegetating for the rest of the day . We never actually paid for any childcare and just used the free sessions . It was doable , but bloody hard work .

These days , I work longer hours because of the compulsory overtime, so probably do about a 60 hr week plus the travelling . But DH has the home covered , so all I tend to worry about is the food shopping and planning as he is seriously crap at that . He can cook anything , but thinking about it in advance completely confuses him.

I always get the same 'how do you DO it ?' comments to which my reply is usually either 'drugs' or 'gin'. On really bad days its both .

DamnBamboo · 04/01/2013 23:23

We've got 3DC and also SD is with us a lot and I work full-time.
It's absolutely doable.

I'm not saying I'm not busy, but I find being highly organised helps a lot.

Viviennemary · 04/01/2013 23:26

It depends on a lot of things. What your job entails, what arrangements you make for childcare, if you have back up, how organised you are and so on. I found full-time work with two young children simply too much and went part-time. With three it would have been impossible for me. That's not to say it would be for everyone.

jojane · 04/01/2013 23:53

I worked out the other day that childcare costs for my 3 (2, 4 (but in school) and 6 years) would mean that pretax I would need to earn £25000 per year, to earn and bring home the same amount as I do working in a bar fri and sat evenings I would need to earn £35000.
I am not qualified in a profession so do not have a career which requires staying in work for promotion prospects etc so I would Esther work 2 evenings in a low stress job than full time for te same money (not that I could get a job earning £35000!!!

demisemiquaver · 05/01/2013 00:25

YANBU OP Good Luck!!!!!!!!

Beckamaw · 05/01/2013 12:55

It's fine. You just need to be organised.
My 3 are 10, 5 and 9 months.
We live nearly an hour from school/ my work. DP has a 1.5 hour commute.
I also have two step children (15 and 8), who don't live with us, but very near - hence the ridiculous distance to school/work for the rest of us.

It's tiring. I leave the house before 8 and get home between 7 and 9, depending on clubs, activities. I'm often in bed at 1, then up at 6.30! Won't be forever though.
I do have excellent childcare though, which makes a difference.

Mu1berryBush · 05/01/2013 13:51

my x had that assumption, that childcare costs had to come out of my salary and if i didn't make enough to make it worthwhile then i wasn't allowed to work.

he's my x now, but only because i railed against all of his assumptions. now I can't afford to earn enough to do it all on my own so i still don't work.... but why would you want to come up with smart remarks to women who are less fortunate? can ye not just be gracious and say "i'm lucky my husband supports me with the childcare and the childcare costs".

Original poster

twogirlsandamessyhouse · 05/01/2013 19:03

Mu1berry- would never make a smart comment to someone who was in a less fortunate position. If I was on my own I certainly couldn't work either. But the original comment wasn't from someone in a situation like that. Of course everyone has to do what is right for them.

OP posts:

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