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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that people think you can't have 3 DCs and work?

68 replies

twogirlsandamessyhouse · 04/01/2013 17:14

Mentioned to a friend that we're planning DC no. 3 and she looked at me like I was crazy. Said I couldn't possibly do my job and have 3 kids. Job does require concentration and some travel, and DH does work hard, but my job is quite flexible... But really? Surely there are women in the world who have more than 2 and hold down FT jobs??

OP posts:
Arithmeticulous · 04/01/2013 17:41

Depends on your job, commute, children, DP, childcare and back up (parents/emergency nanny/whatever)

If you and your DH work a 90 minute commute away, your job has fixed/long hours, you have no family or back up near by to cover sickness/school closures, the school doesn't do after school club or breakfast club, one of you earns less than the cost of holiday club/nanny/CM, one of your DC has SN - yeah, it's more difficult Grin

I worked full time with a long commute and 2DC in day care nursery. It just about worked. Then DC3 was born as DC1 started school - part time for the first term Hmm and it got rather complicated. Now I'd need to walk into a high paying job to make it worth the childcare - but I've been out of the market and it wouldn't happen.

stormforce10 · 04/01/2013 17:42

Confused My mum was a single mum of 3 (not through choice) and went back to work as soon as she managed to get my sister into school and she went a year early as the local primary school were helpful back then

mercibucket · 04/01/2013 17:44

I'd think a well-paid ft job would be easy with 3 kids? Wrap around care from a nanny, so also available to do sick calls from school and run them to all the after-school activities? Oh, I dream of this :)

mercibucket · 04/01/2013 17:44

I'd think a well-paid ft job would be easy with 3 kids? Wrap around care from a nanny, so also available to do sick calls from school and run them to all the after-school activities? Oh, I dream of this :)

KenLeeeeeee · 04/01/2013 17:44

I found the childcare costs too much to continue working with 3 and also didn;t realise until I became a SAHM just how exhausted I had been. This was when my youngest was 2 and the eldest 5. We now have dc4 and I know me working wouldn't suit our family, but I am looking forward to going back to work when dc4 is 3ish. In my absurdly optimistic mind, the children will then be old enough a) to need much less paid childcare and b) need me for a bit less hands-on stuff around the house. It will all balance out nicely

whois · 04/01/2013 17:47

Depends if by working FT you mean working 9-5 with flexitime close to home, or working 60+ irregular hours with a long commute.

Not all FT working is equal!

MerylStrop · 04/01/2013 17:47

It is bloody hard work. So it is a fair point, to a degree.

We both work part-time and have 3 DC aged 8 and under, one not in school yet. We're happy but we are quite tired.

Gumby · 04/01/2013 17:49

My friend waited until her 2 eldest were at school & then had a third so she only has to pay nursery fees for one & just wrap around care for the other 2

LynetteScavo · 04/01/2013 17:54

I think it depends on childcare/family support.

If you have a nanny, or a grandparent to look after poorly children/ children during the school holidays, then it's perfectly doable.

gordyslovesheep · 04/01/2013 17:56

I have 3 - I work and I am a lone parent

I rock!

onedev · 04/01/2013 17:58

I have 3 aged 6 & under & work full time. My DH is equally responsible for our boys, so when I get comments like this, I do usually bite & make a comment along the lines of 'if he can do it, so can I' !! It really bugs me that no-one ever passes comment to him about it!

We both pull our weight in the house & childcare is reliable, so it works well for us Grin

What really bugs me is when people say 'I'm a full time mum' as what do they think I do - stop being a mum when I'm not with them!

Sorry for ranting but the comments do bug me, even though I'm very happy with our choice & choose to work rather being in the position if having to!

Anyway, back to Op, it can be done quite easily - everyone just has to do their fair share & reliable childcare is essential. Good luck (& congrats if you are pregnant) Grin

soverylucky · 04/01/2013 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasENormaSnob · 04/01/2013 18:08

I am pregnant with dc4 and have always worked. Always will tbh.

There's 5 years in between each of my eldest 3 mainly due to childcare costs.

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/01/2013 18:08

I'm always surprised at how many people believe if you have children it renders you incapable of working. Not everyone has family either to help but still manage to work.

Ignore the comments and think of something witty to reply with should it be mentioned again.

Mockingcurl · 04/01/2013 18:13

I have three children and have worked full time throughout. My job is demanding and high pressured.

It is possible, but not easy. You need to be highly organised and be prepared to let certain things slide (housework and ironing were a bit hit and miss in my house).

Mogandme · 04/01/2013 18:17

i know several nannies who look after families with 3 or more children in fact k have had 2 jobs with 3. 1 close friend looks after 4 -2 schoolies, 1 preschooler and a baby.

Zipitydooda · 04/01/2013 18:56

I think it depends on what you earn whether you can afford it. I have 3 and cant afford to work as I'd be paying a nanny more than I earn. School breakfast club doesn't start until 8 which is too late for me. I'd need to pay for before school and after school care for my older 2 plus CM or nursery for youngest. On a cost & stress balance it's just not worth it.
I'm upset that my career has gone off track but I hope to resume at some point in the furture.

jellybeans · 04/01/2013 19:27

Most people I know with more than 3 SAH until school age then work p/t or not at all. Even more so with 4/5 plus. However if they choose to work then that is great for them.I have 5 and study p/t which is a juggle. I choose to do all the childcare rather than paid work while DH works as his hours are so changeable and involves overnight etc. If we both worked we would both be working Christmas day for example. When he had a 9-5 job I worked around him. A lot depends on the partners hours and other variables as to whether it is worth it for each family.

prettydaisies · 04/01/2013 20:06

I have 3 and have always worked full time as does my OH. No family near either. Thankfully they are 17, 15 and 11 now which makes things a bit easier.

Arisbottle · 04/01/2013 20:08

I have four plus a stepson and hope to have at least one more. I work full time. It is bloody hard work though and I am coming round to the view that I would rather not work. If we manage a 5th I will be taking a decent time off work and look to going part time.

ScaredySquirrel · 04/01/2013 20:15

I have 6 and I work ft [boasting emoticon]. I'm lucky enough to have some flexibility so I can and do work from home 2 days a week. but still it's a v demanding job and H has one too so it does get stressful. also lucky that I earn enough to cover the childcare (although not enough to pay for a full time nanny sadly), although I'd probably work anyway even if it didn't as I know the pre-school stage is over pretty quickly.

this week I feel like giving up as my au pair has decided not to come, and the baby has been ill so can't settle in at the childminders.

People always express amazement that I work, but to us it's worth it and I would go mad at home with the lot of them all day every day.

MonetsGardens · 04/01/2013 20:19

I'm like Gordy - I rock too Grin

forevergreek · 04/01/2013 20:24

Tbh if people have a nanny then childcare won't increase ( just for longer), as the charge is the same for one child as it is for 6.

We have 2 children. I work 55-60 hr week ( sometimes more), dh 45hrs. We cope just fine, but 3 would probably be awkward. I take children to work with me 2 days ( 1 child each day) dh works from home one day, and a mixture of nursery and me at home for the rest.

lljkk · 04/01/2013 20:25

You have to be very bloody-minded and earn enough or have the potential to earn enough to cover the childcare (none of these applied to me, lol).

nannynick · 04/01/2013 20:33

As a nanny I frequently work for families with 3 or more children. As nannies are not paid on a per child basis and as many nannies will do some household duties as well as caring for children, I suspect having in-home childcare is a viable option for some parents with 3+ children.

My mun had 3 children and worked, so back in the 80's mums with 3 children worked and used various forms of childcare, just like parents with 1 or 2 children do.

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