... to think it's rude to return a gift to its giver?

[cavell]

Real life examples from a family member:

1. Asked for a specific CD. When I bought it for her, she said she had mistakenly asked for it from someone else as well and so now had two. Would I exchange it?

1. Asked for a specific jumper in a particular size/colour from M&S. Found that the size she had asked for didn't actually fit. Would I exchange it?

1. Children given books for Christmas which were, basically, too young for them. Returned to giver with a request to change them for specified books.

AIBU to think that this is pretty rude behaviour? I would never dream of returning a gift to the giver and ask them to take it back. But is that just me? (Should also add that having to exchage these gifts has meant either paying extra postage costs to return stuff to Amazon or making a special trip to the shops to take stuff back.)

Very rude, let them return the presents! Ungrateful gits!

Yanbu! Surely the done thing is to say thanks and exchange it yourself?!

Very, very rude! The only time I would be OK with this if it was my DSD of DH. And if it was example 1 I would return it but be pretty miffed. Surely the recipient of the jumper could take it to M&S themselves to exhange? And the people who received the books are very cheeky!

I've always told my children to say thank you for any gifts and act pleased and grateful ... and if they already have the item or it is something they don't like, you certainly shouldn't say so.

If I could exchange an item without a receipt,I wouldn't ask for it (i.e jumper for diff size etc).

But our ds once received a very large,expensive toy that was specific to a certain shop that was 100's of miles from us. Unfortunately he already had one,so as it was a close relative & the shop was in the giver's home town, we politely asked if they could return it. It caused huuuuuuge problems,they couldn't believe our rudeness!! I still don't understand this viewpoint-surely it's better that the money wasn't wasted?!

I guess being asked for the receipt would be less 'rude' than being asked to return an item,but in some instances it has to be the buyer that returns it.

Some people are just rude.

lovethesun if you'd said 'oh I do apologise for being so rude, I'll simply store it in a cupboard until I give it away' do you think they'd have minded?

My friend gave mine back as my bday present

I put all of my unwanted gifts on ebay. I thought that's what everyone does.

Very very rude. My inlaws do this.

I would not tolerate such rudeness from my children so why should I from anyone else.

Its polite to accept a gift gracefully - something my ILs cannot do. They find fault or a reason not to keep it no matter what it is. I stopped buying for them years ago but DH still tries - fuck knows why!!

I think that YANBU. Those examples do sound extremely rude.

This year is the first time that I have ever discussed returning a gift to the giver. DD received a toy which is far too young for her so we asked the giver (cousin and his wife) if they wanted it back to return as we just hate their money to be wasted (guessing it cost between £10 and £20 so worth recouping). We've made it clear that we appreciate the thought and there is absolutely no need for an alternative, we just hate to see their money wasted. As it happens, it looks like cousin's wife bought it months ago and no longer has the receipt. If they can't get their money back then we'll give them first dibs on it if they have somebody else who would appreciate it, but if they don't want it we'll ask if they're okay with us holding onto it and putting it into the 2013 toy appeal the local radio station runs.

In previous years the DC have received the odd duplicate gift, but they've always just said thank you and the giver has been none the wiser, this happened with DS this year with a book. However, they've all been less expensive presents so not worth making a fuss or risking upsetting the givers.

I would ask the giver for help exchanging if it was bought online or if I needed a receipt but wouldn't ask them to do it for me.

For the last few years my sil has bought something she knows one of the dc has or something in the wrong size, on opening it she has offered to exchange/replace. I have grown wise to this as she swiftly whips away said gift never to replace it. Dd has never actually until this year got her birthday present to keep. She's 5. Do that, takeout back and don't replace it. I however afteryearsofnexperience in this thing grabby sil is a bitch so say it to worry it will be used swapped on eBay

Think damnit

Someone asking me for an exchange in those circumstances wouldn't bother me.

I'd prefer that over someone keeping a gift in the back of a drawer never to be used, selling it on ebay and recouping less of the value etc.

I don't think anyone would be offended by it in my my family, but that's how my family is. YMMV

I buy everything with gift receipts now and pop them in with the present. That way I never know if they've exchanged it so don't get upset, and they can take the gift gratefully, whether they like it or not!

2. Asked for a specific jumper in a particular size/colour from M&S. Found that the size she had asked for didn't actually fit. Would I exchange it?

M&S give gift receipts.

It depends on the relationship between giver and receiver as well as value of present
Eg often the kids will get duplicate presents given by classmates at their party, I keep these and regifted them to another suitable classmate. Kids have so many presents anyway they don't notice
But if a family member bought something that was duplicated/wrong size I would mention it and ask for receipt so could change it

I get gift receipts with whatever I can so if she asked me I could just say "here's the receipt, go for it!"

It is absolutely and utterly unthinkable behaviour. I try to get a receipt when I can so the person can exchange it if they don't like it. But wouldn't think it was my job to go back to the shop. You should definitely not be paying postage costs for returning stuff. If she wants the things exchanged she goes herself. What a nerve!

give them the receipt and let them do it.

That's really rude. Its up to the receiver to manage exchange / re-gifting / ebay-ing imo

Esp after xmas - most shops would exchange even without a gift receipt.

Well. When I give a gift I would hate for it to be unused or get stuck straight on eBay. I would much rather they told me so we could get it exchanged for something they would actually use / wear. But then, I don't live by my own rules - I always pretend I love everything I get given...

I still have this wedding thank you letter:

Thank you for the clock you bought us. You were right, we did get two, so we took yours back.

cried laughing at that

I agree it is so rude...however you can soften the blow by carefully choosing how you say "can you return this gift?" S as to appear humble and grateful for the thought...

My dad is the most tactless, rude, ungrateful arse when given a gift he either doesn't like or doesn't want, already has or wanted to buy it for himself...basically 95% of all gifts he shouts and swears at the gift giver for having the audacity to present him with such an item and humiliates them...my sister bought him a book this xmas she knew he would love and it turns out he had bought it for himself a few weeks ago and hadn't told anyone he had it (they like the same books) so she was spot on and it could have been made into a bit of a joke ("haha I bought this for myself you know me well" that kind of thing) what he actually said was "what the fuck did you buy this for me for? I bought this a year ago (he didn't it was released in October) I have already fucking read it." And threw the book into the gift bag she gave it to him in this was in front of me, DH, mum, DSis, DBros and SIL and my 6yo DD it turned into a bit of a gunfight between Dad and DSis and I told them to stop fighting I front of DD and DD told my dad not to be so ungrateful!

When he was leaving he said "what do I do with this?" And shoved the book at DSis... She was very upset and hasn't spoken to him since... I gave him and mum and food hamper that I checked they wanted, asked what they wanted in it, bought some lovely bits and bobs and put a cheeseboard together with fancy crackers and pâté etc on my dads request with Brie, baked Camembert, and some other nice cheeses (you get the picture) and he said "oh...cheese" no thanks or anything...