To not want to see DH's friend & his family because of the way he overfeeds his DC?

[MrsMushroom]

DH has recently made contact with an old friend and he's got 2 DC of similar age to our 2.

These boys are massively overweight as is DH's mate...the mother is not. She is skinny bordering on worryingly so.

When we catch up with the family, it's mainly so DH can see the mate...our kids aren't bothered about playing with the boys...they've not really clicked as the older is a bit too old for our oldest and the younger is a bit too young....they dont; gel.

DH really likes it when we ALL go to meet this family and seems to want me to be friends with the Mother....but she's a bit blank...a bit sort of vacuous and hile she is perfectly pleasant, she has nothing to say.

The Dad is nice but every time we go out ( we always meet at parks, beach and sometimes at one of our homes) he's buying his DC chips, lollies, sweets, sandwiches or happy meals...whatever...the kids don't ask..he suggests..."Oh Jack was SO good on that tram ride that I think he deserves a lolly"

"Oh Tom barely cried when he fell! So brave...what about some chips?"

THe Mother never says a word...she dumbly allows this huge overfeeding and it's making me sad as well as angry.

I told DH tonight that I would not be accompanying him to see the family tomorrow and the DC weren't that keen either.. they're not either...I asked.

DH wanted to know why and I told him that I didn't like seeing these lads get overfed and I didn't like the way our DDs whine for the same as what the boys are given....and I also do not like the way the Mother enables it all. AIBU because DH called me judgmental and lacking in empathy.

I just don't like meeting them. I am however prepared to be told if I am BU. ANd if so, then I will make the effort and put up with it. THough why he can't see his mate without us all coming is beyond me.

To be present and to say nothing is to condone. So that leaves the OP with the option of saying something (which, as has been pointed out would start world war three) or to not be present. That's what she's trying to do.

Is the OP being judgemental? Well, she's using her judgement. And as for empathy, I think I would lack empathy with these parents too. I could not stand there and watch them overfeed children to the detriment of their health. I would empathise with the children, but not their parents.

YANBU. No reason that you have to begin hanging our frequently as a family if it isn't much fun. The 2 guys can hang out, and the families maybe get together for something in the summer once a year.

Well, this is one instant where I think being "judgemental" is a good thing.

Op has nothing in common with this family. She does not like them, and neither do the kids. She views these parents as poor role-models, and I agree. I would go as far as calling it crap parenting.

Well done for taking this stand. Your husband can see his mate on his own.

You come over as being quite a bigoted snob.
The mum is pleasant but not interesting enough for somebody like you.
And you think your children are going to somehow catch 'fat'
I think you need to get over yourself!

YANBU

No fun for you or your DCs and I would find it uncomfortable spending time with children being over-fed (or under-fed) but it is hard to broach that subject.

YANBU

Overfeeding children until they are very overweight is as bad as underfeeding them. I wouldn't like this either. ANd seeing as you don't really like the parents either I wouldn't go out with them.

25% of the UK population is obese. They reckon half will be within the next decade. Refusing to spend your day watching overweight people stuff their kids with lollies and crisps, is a perfectly valid choice.

I don't see why having an opinion is bad - if the op was being unpleasant to them or forcing her opinion on them then that would bu - but having the opinion doesn't mean the op has made it her business - no it isn't her business but she can think what she likes.

YANBU.

You have a very valid reason to not want your children to be around people with severely unhealthy habits, and your DH should probably read this thread.

I'm surprised he thinks you are lacking in empathy because of this, I don't see what empathy has to do with it at all.

It would be unfair of you to never see people you aren't keen on if he really wants to, because sometimes seeing people you don't like that much is just part of the compromise of being married. But when the people you don't want to see are actively teaching your children that its ok to damage their health, then your responsibility to them has to come first.

If you say no every time the other children are given a treat, I can imagine it makes things very uncomfortable for you and completely defeats the object of having a nice day out.

If you have to go I think you could just pre-warn your kids that they are having only one treat at the end of the day - any only if they don't nag you.

Maybe it would be better if just the men met though? They could have a pint and go to the cinema maybe?

Smelly

I agree with the pre warning the kids bit