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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not invite friends partner to a hot tub party?

47 replies

AuroraRedRose · 01/01/2013 19:52

For my birthday in February I decided to do something slightly different and hire a hot tub for the weekend (I don't care if it's common Wink ) - I've lost enough weight to feel comfortable in a bikini, it's cold weather and all my friends can come because it's not going to cost them anything.

I of course want my OH there, and I really like all my friends partners and will gladly be inviting them - except for one.

I cannot even begin to describe how immature he is.

Only last night for example, we all ordered a takeaway he sat there and sulked because they ordered wedges instead of curly fries (seriously arms crossed and everything.

We played a board game and his team lost, so therefore again with the sulking.

I can't even remember how this was brought into conversation, but I mentioned - in China they aren't allowed Facebook because they have their own social networking site. I worked with a girl who lived in China and she told me that herself.

He then gets out his phone and starts googling and says - actually Aurora they can not get Facebook in China. He ALWAYS has to be right.

These are just examples from last night.

Me and OH had a BBQ over the summer, we were having a lovely time having a few drinks sat around the table after eating. There was a bowl of Haribo for the children left on the table and he decides to start throwing them at people across the table.

  • You wouldn't believe this man is almost 30.

I just generally do not like this man and feel if he was at my birthday night, he would end up trying to cause a tidal wave or probably pee in the hot tub and find it hilarious.

I do think if he wasn't invited this would cause a big rift between me and my friend. Especially because my partner and other partners would be there. I love my friend dearly and the only reason I tolerate him is for her.

I know I would feel upset if my husband wasn't invited, but he is disliked by others in the group too and I know it would most likely ruin the night for others.

AIBU to not invite him?

(sorry for post being ridiculously long)

OP posts:
MrsKeithRichards · 01/01/2013 19:55

Sorry I can't get over the ick of a hot tub party.

timidviper · 01/01/2013 19:56

YANBU to not want to invite him but it is likely to cause a problem for your friendship so you need to think carefully. Is your friend aware that you dislike her DP this much? Do others in the group share that opinion?

Don't know the answer to this one. Good luck!

Original poster
AuroraRedRose · 01/01/2013 19:57

Well it's just a bit of fun and something different.

February isn't the best time for a birthday, what with people still being a bit skint from Christmas and Valentines day being so close.

I would be dinner and drinks at mine and then hot tub for a couple of hours.

I know some people would hate it, but others wouldn't. Each to their own.

OP posts:
HecatePropolos · 01/01/2013 19:57

I wouldn't want him there either.

But you say that if you don't invite him, it will cause a rift between you and your friend.

So what are you going to do? It's not unreasonable to not want him, he sounds vile, but you already know that by choosing that option, you risk your friendship.

But the friendship will likely sour anyway because you'll probably drift away from her because of him. Or she'll pick up on people's feelings.

So how much, realistically, do you have to lose by telling her how you feel?

Original poster
AuroraRedRose · 01/01/2013 19:59

timid she does know that I don't like him ....

The first time I met him he made a really inappropriate joke/comment about my appearance and it didn't go down well.

It's the sort of joke I could take from a friend, but someone who barely knows me it was more of an insult.

A lot of others in the group dislike him, but I don't know how well my friend knows this.

OP posts:
Original poster
AuroraRedRose · 01/01/2013 20:00

Hecate they've been together 4 years now and our friendship has lasted through it.

For my last birthday I just had a meal out with my close girlfriends and did something separate with my OH. So I've never had this problem before ...

OP posts:
Hassled · 01/01/2013 20:01

Well it doesn't sound like this is a plan which can go ahead without badly affecting a friendship you care about it. So choose - friend or hot-tub? I'm sure there are other ways you can celebrate your birthday.

LunaticFringe · 01/01/2013 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecatePropolos · 01/01/2013 20:05

FOUR YEARS?

She's been lumbered with someone like that for FOUR YEARS?

Never in a million years would I have guessed that. I naturally assumed it must be a new relationship and she's blinded by lust, or something Grin

So she knows you don't like him? So why not just say look, you know I don't like X. I don't want him here.

givemeaclue · 01/01/2013 20:07

Out of interest how much is it to hire a hot tub

ComposHat · 01/01/2013 20:08

I don't think I would feel happy sitting semi nude in a vat of tepid water with anyone else.

Will there be pampas grass and car keys on a bowl?

I think you either have a number of options

a) invite female friends only and no partners
b) excluse your mate and her husband altogether

c) put up with idiot man for the evening.

if you friend turns up and finds everyone's partner bar her's has been invited she is going to be affronted and understandbut so.

Hassled · 01/01/2013 20:09

givemeaclue - I was vaguely wondering that myself :o.

It is weird how perfectly lovely women can be seemingly happily married to flesh-crawling creeps (disclaimer - I know the reverse is also probably true). I have a friend whose DH I just can't abide - it is awkward.

Original poster
AuroraRedRose · 01/01/2013 20:12

LunaticFringe who said most of them dislike my DP? Confused

givemeaclue the ones I looked at ranged from £45 - £200 for a weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
AuroraRedRose · 01/01/2013 20:14

Oh ComposHat it's just a bit of fun.

Yeah it might be tacky but we've been friends for so many years it wouldn't be awkward.

I wouldn't ever even buy a hot tub.

OP posts:
OutragedFromLeeds · 01/01/2013 20:15

YABU

Either make it girls only, don't invite the friend with the annoying partner or invite him.

You can't invite a group of friends and partners and invite one friend without her longterm partner.

sittinginthesun · 01/01/2013 20:15

No boys allowed - just you and your female friends. When they've gone home, your DH can have a go if he wants.

digerd · 01/01/2013 20:17

Is it just he contradicts?

digerd · 01/01/2013 20:17

PS add "you"

Greythorne · 01/01/2013 20:17

Strictly girls night only! Sorted.

I would never, ever attend a hot tub party with DHs of my friends and I am a size 12, if it matters.

RevoltingPeasant · 01/01/2013 20:19

OP can you say to your friend sth like........

'X, I am going to do this hot tub party malarkey, but last night I felt like your DP was really not happy in our group of friends. Is he going to be okay/ behave if I have him over, or would it be easier if it is just girls only?'

Are you close enough to say something like that?

digerd · 01/01/2013 20:19

Good! Enjoy yourselves.

Tweasels · 01/01/2013 20:21

If someone invited me and my husband to a hot tub party I'd assume it was sex related. Surely only swingers and people off reality TV do this.

I wouldn't want someone who is likely to throw jellied confectionary around at my sex party Grin

forthesakeofoldQODsyne · 01/01/2013 20:23

I wouldn't tub it with blokes full stop, so I'd go girls onlys

forthesakeofoldQODsyne · 01/01/2013 20:23

Or, tub party, girls only, champers and canapés 6pm

Partners welcome form 9pm

You'll be bored and wrinkly well within 3 hours

LunaticFringe · 01/01/2013 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.