not invite friends partner to a hot tub party?

[AuroraRedRose]

For my birthday in February I decided to do something slightly different and hire a hot tub for the weekend (I don't care if it's common ) - I've lost enough weight to feel comfortable in a bikini, it's cold weather and all my friends can come because it's not going to cost them anything.

I of course want my OH there, and I really like all my friends partners and will gladly be inviting them - except for one.

I cannot even begin to describe how immature he is.

Only last night for example, we all ordered a takeaway he sat there and sulked because they ordered wedges instead of curly fries (seriously arms crossed and everything.

We played a board game and his team lost, so therefore again with the sulking.

I can't even remember how this was brought into conversation, but I mentioned - in China they aren't allowed Facebook because they have their own social networking site. I worked with a girl who lived in China and she told me that herself.

He then gets out his phone and starts googling and says - actually Aurora they can not get Facebook in China. He ALWAYS has to be right.

These are just examples from last night.

Me and OH had a BBQ over the summer, we were having a lovely time having a few drinks sat around the table after eating. There was a bowl of Haribo for the children left on the table and he decides to start throwing them at people across the table.

• You wouldn't believe this man is almost 30.

I just generally do not like this man and feel if he was at my birthday night, he would end up trying to cause a tidal wave or probably pee in the hot tub and find it hilarious.

I do think if he wasn't invited this would cause a big rift between me and my friend. Especially because my partner and other partners would be there. I love my friend dearly and the only reason I tolerate him is for her.

I know I would feel upset if my husband wasn't invited, but he is disliked by others in the group too and I know it would most likely ruin the night for others.

AIBU to not invite him?

(sorry for post being ridiculously long)

You must know my BIL, the only person I know who tried to argue against a 7yr old that the world wasn't a sphere. I wouldn't want him in a hot tub, so I see where you are coming from, but I really don't think you could invite all the other partners and not him. I would go for a girls only night (maybe see if your dh would be waiter!); then have a night with juse dh. If you do decide to invite your friend without partner and all the other partners are coming then you need to tell her about it first.

Actually DP has a friend like this so I can understand what you mean. BUT I think to be fair you have to make it girls only or invite him, but get your DP/H to have a word and tell him to be on his best behaviour if he does have to come

It's a catch 22 situation. You will upset your friend if you don't invite him. I agree girls only is the best way round it.

Lunatic yes some of the girls dislike the boyfriend, not my husband.

I do think it would be unfair to have all partners but one. I think I will make it a girls only night.

Ps some of you are being rather mean - obvs because you're jealous you're not invited to my sex birthday party

Sorry I agree girls only or you are starting something that may end very painful.

I agree, if you are booking it for the whole weekend then have a girls night only one night and a hubby and you only the next night.

P.s... that guy sounds gross I don't blame you!

P.p.s in the end you will having THAT convo with your mate because leaving him out won't end here, once you get a taste for it....

Do you think all of the women would be happy stripping off in front of each other's husbands? I appreciate you've lost weight and look good but would you have been happy doing this beforehand? I would say out of the group there'll be at least one who'll really hate doing that.

As a side note: A friend of mine just broke up with her fiancée (who we all disliked but only those very closest to her expressed that opinion) and she has mentioned since that she wished everyone had told her how they felt about her partner and she might have 'come to her senses sooner.'

No will be making it a girls only night.

He really is intolerable.

He moved in with her and her parents (he was unemployed and she was studying so they didn't have enough money to rent)

He paid £20 a month rent to her parents and yet he was still paying his mum £200 a month for a room that he never slept in. When my friend brought it up

His response - It's not of your fucking business.

Maybe not Imperial but I'd like to think if any of them felt uncomfortable about it then they would come and tell me.

I'd never want to willingly make them feel uncomfortable.

But yeah ... it's not even an issue now.

Can we come? Where are ya? Promise I'll make you look good in a bikini

Glad you're going girls only, even pre DC jelly belly I'd have felt odd in that set up with friends' partners! That guy sounds awful, but I appreciate that it's awkward when you care about your friend.

If I thought it would make a difference Blue then I really would say something to her.

He's her first proper boyfriend and her first love. Before he she would have a lot of one night stands hoping to turn them into a relationship and it never happened for her.

He once kissed one of her closest and oldest friends. He admitted it to her by text. He was forgiven with a few hours, the friend on the other hand was shunned and never forgiven.

The kiss was mentioned not too long ago and it got downplayed to 'a kiss on the lips'. Which the amount of drama the kiss caused it really wasn't just a kiss on the lips.

I really don't think theres anything I could say to make her see his the way others see him.

QOD only if you promise not to pee in the hot tub. It is a rather sophisticated party after all.

To keep the peace I'd either invite all the DPs or none! He does sound very annoying though so YANBU!

Yikes. Can I ask how old she is? My reason is that my friends and I are 25/26 and a fair few of us (myself included!) have broken up with 'first loves' in the last 8 months or so and, frankly, I see more on the horizon. I wonder if it's a mid 20s thing... My friend was with her fiancée for 5 years and I was with my 'boyfriend' for 8.

Maybe if 'the others' told her (in a non ambushing way!) how they felt she might listen?

We are all around the same age as you blue

I do think the first love things has slightly blinded her to what he's really like.

Maybe I should say something but I do worry it would damage our friendship.

If he's that petty and sulky and always has to be right I bet he'll sulk and whine and whinge at her that he's not invited (because he couldn't possibly do it to your face...) which will make her feel torn, she'll want to please the (loser) boyfriend but also want to come to the party. She'll then feel like you are being difficult unnecessarily (whereas really it's her bf being a dick!) - it is likely to cause a rift in your friendship, and while I don't think you should bend over backwards for him at all, if she's in a relationship with a complete arse you tend to get fairly isolated after a while as all your friends stop wanting to spend time with the arse. It would be nice if you can keep up your friendship with her without having to deal with his shit.

Could you maybe make it a girlie night with no partners invited at all? Then you and OH can always make use of the hot tub alone once everyone's gone home

Oh must read thread. At least great minds think alike!