I know someone further down the path from you from a ?high achieving? Asian culture that has been criticised, scorned, demeaned, and pursued to remain taking it, her whole life.
Nothing she could do was good enough and in her mother?s eyes she owed her existence, and was property.
She took over ?ownership? of the English husband in the end too, as he was amenable to becoming golden boy. This is not only the view of her daughter, I?ve witnessed it repeatedly.
She probably didn't mean to be like this to her children, but she is, and culture reinforces the right to behave as she wishes to the ?ungrateful daughter,? No attempt to teach her to treat people differently worked.
Control is everything, and you cannot exert control if you don?t have constant contact.
But for those raised with all this surrounded by a different culture full of possibilities and choices, it is torture.
With my friend it?s turned out very badly for all, and if you?re suffering to the level they were then I think it should be taken very seriously.
People here don?t always understand how accidently full on abusive some cultural norms are, that even thoughts or possible thoughts are controlled, and if the lethal combination of ?culture and mother? wasn't involved would be shouting at you to get out.
You?re not a wet fish, you've been conditioned to act a certain way. You don?t wish your DD to be affected, listen to yourself, you are trying to split yourself into parcels to please and protect. In the end you will realise you can?t do that for ever, your personality will shatter trying, better to realise it earlier.
I wonder if there?s a culturally based self-help group for those raised with your cultural pressures here?