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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask at what age do you have "The Sex Talk" with your dc?

51 replies

Itsnotahoover · 30/12/2012 08:38

I have an almost 7 year old ds and I'm always honest with answers to any questions, however, he hasn't asked many as yet. He's asked how babies get out of their mummy's tummys but not how they get in there in the first place!

Now I know they are covering anatomy and relationships at school, but I'd rather him hear the facts from me before he gets to that stage of lessons at school/hears idle gossip in the playground, but is there an age where it's best to sit them down for a chat? Or are there any good books I can just casually drop into his book box?

And yes, this is inspired by another thread, but it's something I've been wondering about for a while :)

OP posts:

ThreeBoostsOneGalaxy · 30/12/2012 08:43

We told DS1 when he was about 8, DS2 already knew (too many wildlife documentaries and a mind that extrapolated) and we told DS3 and DD before they started junior school so they were 7. We wanted them to have accurate information from us rather than playground myth.

Because they were still youngish, there was no embarrassment or cringiness. We also continue to be available to answer questions whenever they ask them.

ThreeBoostsOneGalaxy · 30/12/2012 08:46

I would explain to him face to face and then follow it up with giving him a book. Either that or read the book together to start with.

The Let's Talk About series by Robie someone is good. Staged books for each age group. The first one is called Let's Talk About Girls, Boys, Bodies, Babies, Friends & Families, or something like that. Much much more useful than Mummy Laid An Egg.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 30/12/2012 08:48

I told DS (6) recently because he asked. Up to then I had answered his questions in age appropriate way, so he knew that you needed sperm from a man and an egg from a woman, and that babies grew inside a woman, and a bit about how they were born.

But he came to me with a furrowed brow and asked 'but how do the sperm and egg get together'. So I briefly explained, and he said 'oh' and then asked to read a story. Quite glad to have got it out of the way!

ThreeBoostsOneGalaxy · 30/12/2012 08:48

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1406306061

Original poster

Itsnotahoover · 30/12/2012 08:51

Yes I was thinking about getting a book that we could read together. Just not sure of an "appropriate" age but I guess it's anytime now! I'll check out that book :)

OP posts:

LuluMai · 30/12/2012 08:52

About four I think although he's asked a lot more in depth questions since turning six (eg what his balls are for).

Original poster

Itsnotahoover · 30/12/2012 08:55

You see, mine has never asked any questions like that, but I don't want it all to come as a shock when they learn at school. I had parents I couldn't really talk to, and was very naive, and I remember going home and crying in my bedroom after sex ed aged 11 as it all just seemed so shocking and icky!

OP posts:

DorisIsWaiting · 30/12/2012 08:58

We had mummy laid an egg when they were younger, but dd1 is 7 now so we got her the usborne book for girls (some seem aimed at the 10+ range) she read a bit then had a chat dipping in and out. It's been really relaxed and not at all embasrassing.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 30/12/2012 09:00

I am also wondering if I should tell 8 yr DS all or if I should leave it a bit longer. He has moved to middle school and will start hearing all sorts in the playground. Like ThreeBoosts, I would rather he hear the truth than some playground stuff.

A friend of mine's 8 yr old son said that he never wanted to get married because when you do "you have to put your willy in the girl's belly button" - as amusing as that is, I would rather avoid that!!

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 30/12/2012 09:02

I've been in a similar situation with my DD who is 8, and we finally had the chat about 10 days ago.

It cropped up at bedtime so was a bit unplanned and half-arsed but I don't think I've traumatised her too much - in fact, I'm not entirely sure she believed me.

I'd recommend 'What's Happening To Me' by Usborne books. They do a boys and girls version and it covers puberty in general not just the mechanics of making babies.

Having stressed to DD that sex is something for a long-term, loving relationship, I had to laugh at her verdict:

"In that case I'm not having a boyfriend until I'm 19, then I won't have to do that until I'm at least 25!"

Original poster

Itsnotahoover · 30/12/2012 09:03

Exactly Alliwantisaroomsomewhere I would rather be factual rather than him here all manner of rumours!

OP posts:

JakeBullet · 30/12/2012 09:05

Ah I needed this thread. DS is 10 (just) and has never asked questions. However he is autistic (high functioning) and academically at the level of a 7 year old.
He is in mainstream school and they will do "the sex talk" next year...at the moment it's all very much about respecting others in friendships, making decisions etc but none of the major mechanics.
It's good to see links to books as I am planning to sit down with DS this year and chat some of it through with him. It should be his Dad but Tbh my ex is hopeless and I don't want DS feeling stupid and embarrassed about it all.

So thanks OP, am looking forward to seeing more responses

Original poster

Itsnotahoover · 30/12/2012 09:06

*hear even!

OP posts:

Bobyan · 30/12/2012 09:31

You could take him to see Les Mis

Original poster

Itsnotahoover · 30/12/2012 09:33

OP posts:

Groovee · 30/12/2012 09:37

Dd never asked but just before she started sex ed at 10, I sat her down with a book and spoke to her x

mrsjay · 30/12/2012 09:40

I started at 5 with little things like women had eggs in their tummys and thats where babies were made and then just built up I am a wee bit of a prude and i knew i couldnt do the big sit down talk so started small then built up they knew about sex by the time they were 10 and we all was spoke when they did things in school, I also got some leaflets for them to look through

mrsjay · 30/12/2012 09:40

You could take him to see Les Mis

hurricanewyn · 30/12/2012 09:52

I don't know what to do with DD (8 almost 9) - I've tried to broach things with her, but she's asked me to stop talking about it as it's embarrassing for her, so I got her a book and told her I'd leave her to read it & I'd be happy to talk about it/answer any questions. A few days later I asked if she'd had a chance to read it & she said "I opened it & there was a naked woman. I was so digusted that I hid it".

I tried to talk about how there's nothing disgusting about bodies but she was mortified & I could tell she wasn't taking in what I was talking to her about. We're not a prudish household, but not too free & easy either (she's seen everyone naked but we don't wander around the house starkers, we share changing rooms for swimming etc).

Any ideas on how I should teach her? No idea what she knows at the minute.

mrsjay · 30/12/2012 09:54

A few days later I asked if she'd had a chance to read it & she said "I opened it & there was a naked woman. I was so digusted that I hid it".

just leave it with her let her look at it at least she has it and will be more interested as she grows up a bit, I have just said on another thread my eldest would rather stick pins in her eyes than have a sex talk so the leaflets i gave her she read and I just waited until she was ready,

Fizzylemonade · 30/12/2012 10:08

I have mummy laid an egg for ds1 who is 6 and then a puberty book for ds1 who is 9 as he now needs to wear deodorant otherwise he smells, like a sweaty teenager just after a normal day, not even after a day of running around.

It is not a "talk" in our house but an ongoing discussion. Ds1 asks lots of questions, from reading signs such as "what do you call a woman who has had an abortion? Mother, daughter, sister, friend" that was a massive poster in the train station! He understands what is means when someone has a miscarriage.

He is in year 5 and I do know that next year in year 6 so junior 4 in old money, they are shown a video in which they name all the body parts, including the clitoris. So I knew I was on a countdown to that eventually.

I think if my child thought a naked body was disgusting, I would be asking them why a naked body is seen this way.

IsawFoofyShmoofingSantaClaus · 30/12/2012 10:11

DS was just turned 10. He asked me outright. So I told him outright. Very matter of fact. He sat, listened, took it all on board, said "Cheers Mam, do you know where my iPod is?" and that was that.

Yesterday he asked what a wet dream was! That one I'm delegating to DH.

SoupDragon · 30/12/2012 10:14

DS1 and DS2 had The Chat from their father just before DS1 had sex education in school (Year 5). Neither had asked any questions but I thought it a good idea to ensure nothing came as too much of a shock during the school lessons. As they are only 2 years apart, it was pointless telling one and not the other.

SoupDragon · 30/12/2012 10:14

DS2 came home from his father's and announced "I know the disgusting reason why boy bits and girl bits are different!"

mrsjay · 30/12/2012 10:18

DS2 came home from his father's and announced "I know the disgusting reason why boy bits and girl bits are different!"

DD2 came out of school and announced (loudly) that testicles were the most disgusting thing she had seen in her life

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