To think if you bring puddings, they should be served??

[lisad123]

Went to friends mum for dinner party tonight (friend live in other country and she's home for week).
I took two lovely puddings, and bottle of wine. Food was lovely, but mum had made cake and it was nice but that was only pudding served. So we have come home, and left two full puddings at house.

So if someone brings pudding, do you atleast offer it, or just shove them in fridge and eat later?

Maybe she forgot she'd asked you to bring pudding and made the chocolate cake, then didn't know what to do.

Tbh I think it's a bit odd to bring two puddings unasked!

But also bit odd not to offer them once they were there.

Couldn't you have said something? "Actually, I'd love a slice of that lemon thing I brought. Shall we cut it up?"

Or is that considered rude?

[honestly doesn't know]

I wouldn't have thought it rude at all in my own house (although the situation wouldn't have arisen, I think) but I guess we have to bear in mind that it wasn't lisad's friend's house but that of her friend's Mum. There might have been tensions there about who was running the dinner party etc.

God that would piss me off.

I would have said "I fancy a bit of sticky toffee pud too, I will have a small piece of each" and asked her to get them out.

I was always taught that any comestible taken/ brought to a gathering should be consumed at the gathering, esp. chocs as holding them back makes you look grabby and greedy. I was also taught not to cut string on parcels and presents as child, for the same reason. Was also forced to write thank you and bread and butter letters until my teens. So YADNBU.

Puddings yes but wine, no.

I take wine as a gift (along with something else) and I always take stuff I'm happy to drink- the difference is though that the wine provided by the host will be of equal quality.

In our group whatever you take is opened or served and if it isnt then you take it home again unless you insist the host keeps it. Thats because usually we are going to each others homes instead of going out, so we all know that money is tight.

Sorry should have been clearer, I brought flowers for host, wine for table ifnshendidnt have enough and two puddings as she asked me to bring something the kids would eat.

I think I've been guilty of this tbh. I never ask guests to bring anything though. Its not even like I look at the stuff and go "Ooh I'll have that later when they piss off..." it just might end up in the fridge/cupboard if I've been serving up my own stuff. Its never happened but if a guest insisted on opening the item they'd brought I'd do it but part of me would wonder if my own choice of alcohol or dessert wasn't hitting the mark. I do try and make an effort when hosting and my guests don't need to bring anything. I suppose anything they do bring I'd see as a gift. This thread is an eye opener. I'm going to make sure I offer to give back anything my guests bring when they leave.

Well I would see it as a gift as well - but a gift to the occasion rather than necessarily just a gift to me.

I don't think wine brought by guests should be served unless you run short. And I do have a problem with people who bring an expensive bottle and then crib because the hostess is serving 'ordinary' wine (unless she's being stingy about refilling). It's just a bit mean spirited I think.

If someone brought a dessert I would usually serve it as I'd presume they brought it as a contribution to the meal.

And I do have a problem with people who bring an expensive bottle and then crib because the hostess is serving 'ordinary' wine (unless she's being stingy about refilling). It's just a bit mean spirited I think.

Yes. I agree. Just keep your expensive stuff to drink when you get home. If you don't like my selection then you don't have to force it down. I've never met anyone who complained about my go to wine of Jacobs Creek White Zinfandel :o

It's not really too hard to see why/how we upset others or get pissed off is it

I was a bit pissed off this christmas, we were hosting and had organised everything, including making cake and a christmas pudding in advance. BIL asked if he and his partner could bring anything: we said some wine would be lovely. They turned up with a home-made christmas cake and pudding and mince pies. Which we served, but I was secretly aggrieved, as had been looking forward to serving our own cake and pud, which are still untouched.

Also, they made a big hoo-ha about the fabulous pudding, but sat on their bums and didn't help in any other way at all (stayed for 3 days and nights).

Is not the first time this has happened: another time BIL's partner made a birthday cake for another BIL despite knowing that his wife was making one - seems to have a competitive baking thing going on!

Aaaah, feel better for that rant, even if IABU!

I'm also guilty of this. Usually at barbecues/summer garden parties where it's all a bit informal and I'm trying to keep everyone's glasses filled and make sure the kids are all amused/fed/watered etc, and there have been several occasions where I've been clearing up the kitchen after everyone's gone and found a beautiful cake or dessert that someone has kindly made and brought, and I've totally forgotten about it. It always makes me feel really bad. It's never deliberate.

Well that can happen, Rhubarb. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. I assume you've got in touch with the person afterwards - if you remembered who they were - and said something?

To be honest as she asked you to make it I think YANBU and she should have served them or given them back to you. BUT ordinarily if you haven't been asked to bring something I think anything you take is a gift for the host and it's up to them whether they serve it or keep it for another time, especially with wine I'd say.

You should not expect wine you bring with you as a guest to be served - the host will have gone to the trouble of choosing the right wines to go with the food, and may also have opened and decanted red wine before you arrive to ensure it's had time to 'breathe' and is at the right temperature.

As for a pudding, I would not bring one along to a party unless I was asked to do so beforehand by my host - but then, yes, I would expect it to be served.

What civilised hosting around your way nuclear

When I friends and family host, wine will be chosen because it's on special offer, opened in advance for the host to have a cheeky drink!

Maybe it was up to the mum and not her daughter (your friend) who made the executive decision to fridge your nice desserts? Some older people have a thing about serving too much 'rich' food, too many desserts, etc (case in point her cake needed cream or ice cream but she may have thought that would have been ott).

I agree food should be served (unless it's a double item like a Christmas cake, in which case it should be returned politely as a warning not to pull a stunt like that again ) but wine or other alcohol should be set aside except for informal occasions like a BBQ.

Cozietoesie yes of course - I always make a point of letting them know how much we've enjoyed their contribution after its discovery!