Can I ask where you get your kicks/thrills/that sort of thing?

[MyDirtyHarry]

I am trying and so far succeeding in being a responsible adult... am late 20s with a 2yr old DD and a nice DP, and whilst I had a lot of fun in my younger days I am recently missing it and don't know how to ignore it or what to replace it with.
I used to really enjoying going out and having lots of sex with lovely men, illlicit relationships, smoking, drinking etc. In my current relationship I have been monogamous, I have a proper job, am nearly a qualified accountant, no smoking, minimal drinking... but gosh... what I really want right now is to have that affair at work or go and meet some random man for sex. But of course I won't. Can I ask does anyone identify with this? If so do you just switch that part of yourself off or do you replace it with something else??

Can you take up a slightly dangerous sport? Ice hockey, Thai boxing, high diving, something like that?

If you're wanting those sort of things(illicit sex etc) then maybe you're not really ready for the relationship you're currently in.

I completely understand that feeling! I'm late 20's two dc's and a DH and I spend a lot of time daydreaming about what I could do but would never do.

I have to switch it off, but DH doesn't understand how I feel as he's over 10 years older than me and had the young single life long before he settled down.

I don't want it enough to leave my relationship, if I never had it again I could cope. But I need something...

In your shoes, I'd be wondering if I was with the right man.

Oh no I don't think you'd ever get over the wanting of the 'before you've had the first kiss' feeling. Even if it's with your own DH :)

Surfing, climbing, caving,sailing,walking lots of interesting sports and festivals, being doing them all my life, just carrying on.

DP is 12 yrs older, he's great, sex is pretty good when we do it, but it is vanilla and he doesn't like to talk about it or experiment. I think I'd be a idiot to leave him though.

I see my single/sans children friends doing all sorts of amazing fun things, but knowing it will be a long time before I can do anything remotely similar again is a killer.

I remember feeling like that when I was pinned down with young DCs. Work helped a lot as I could still be me, still flirt, still have a laugh ... but it is hard going.

I go with dh to a festival every couple of years.

I go away with the girls once a year - they are fucking wild.

Other than that, I have learned to love the mundane.

Also, dh and I still fancy each other and hint at that attraction most days.

I get a buzz from creative hobbies, success in my career , sport and sex with my Dp. Casual sex has never had any appeal for me. quick drunken fumble with pissed stranger? can't see the attraction or the challenge.

Agree with suggestion to try risky sports . Or try redefining what " fun " means to you.

Some people find escapism through reading novels. If your tastes are less 'vanilla' than your DP's then I'm sure you can find a book or three that will float your boat.

I flirt at work.

I'm a 32 year old lone parent and still continue as if I'm in my 20's, I go out, drink, smoke, go to festivals, drink, mosh, gigs etc.

However, this is all done with the knowledge my child is well looked after by my super wonderful family!

I'm not big on the illicit sex thing though, since having DD (she's 4 btw) I've over developed self respect, had very little prior to parenthood ha

Great suggestions, thank you. I started reading fifty shades and it was a bit too close to the bone re an old relationship.
It wasn't really fumbles btw, more sort of recreational sex with like minded partner.
So acceptance and sport is the way forward then. You know, thinking about it i I do get a big thrill from passing exams, stressful also though.

YY, agree about self respect though, not sure I could actually do what I think I want to these days.

Oooh I could have written your post OP. Exactly the same. Contemplating chucking clothes and DD in a backpack and sodding off backpacking again...not that I can afford to / would do that to DP (who's 12 years older than me and had many years of debauchery).

You probably settled down too young.
I had a good 20 years of fun first.
Maybe try swinging or divorce.

You see I thought i'd had plenty of fun... But 20 yrs! Very impressed.
Well at least I'm not married so no divorce

I would happily do swinging! DP would not ... yet

It sounds like you haven't grown up. Wanting affairs and illicit sex with strangers when you're in a relationship shows something is very very wrong in your life.

What about something like a burlesque class or pole dancing?

I don't think there is something 'very very wrong'. Maybe if I acted on my feelings then yes.

I could try burlesque! Think might look like a tit though. I'm also thinking outdoor swimming maybe.