aibu or is my husband horribly selfish?

[Emmon]

My husband had an accident last year and has been awarded £3k compensation which came though before Christmas. We are really short of money and have a freezer which only freezes food in the top shelf and a dryer which takes over 2 hours to dry anything.

I was really excited about getting some new stuff but he has spent over 1000 on a 3d smart tv. The one we had before was fine and as he is totally blind and so cannot access the 3d or the internet am not sure why he wants it.

He even refused to get our son a £50 toy at the store and instead got him one for £25. I ended up buying him a toy out of the tax credits.

I run a fledgling business and money could have been invested in that.

Perhaps I am out of order, it was him who had the accident, so I guess that it is his money, but I just think he is being horrible.

Did the accident cause his blindness? Maybe he thinks you would all enjoy the telly?

Not at all - it's all family money. If it was needed for expenses associated with the accident (eg: physio or has to pay back sick pay to work) then that's one thing, but otherwise it's family money same as any other.

he was blind from birth

I think it's reasonable for him to buy himself something he really wants, but also to spread it around a bit. Presumably there is still enough left over for a freezer and a tumble dryer and for something nice for you too?

If he keeps it all to himself then I agree, he is being selfish and I would be pretty hurt.

He's not kept it to himself if he's bought a telly to share though! Maybe he has different ideas on what to spend it on then OP, not unreasonable.

I am not trying to be mean. But how is buying a 3d tv for himself selfish. Since his is blond.

I agree, its sounds like the money could have been better spent. But the 3d isn't for him is it?

Surely there is some left.

Not blond. Sorry it should say since he is blind

I hate the new TV. There are so many features I cannot use as I am not too technical and you need a degree in rocket science to operate the thing.

I do not mind him having one treat, but think it is harsh he wont pay for a second hand freezer or dryer off ebay.

I am not saying the TV is selfish BECAUSE HE IS BLIND. I would be equally peed off if he had bought it and had perfect eyesight. All I was saying is why sit there with 3d glasses on when you cannot see anything?

Is there money left to buy the freezer and dryer, is he refusing to buy them?

I didn't say that.

I said it is not selfish act. As in it isn't for just him. so while maybe a bad decision, not a selfish one.

It isn't your money. Stop viewing it as money that you can spend.

I usually completely agree with the whole family money ideology, but in this case, your husband was awarded £3k because he had what must have been a terrible accident. It was compensation for what he went through.

He's bought a new TV. He can't see it, so it's very difficult to see it as selfish - perhaps it has better sound quality, so it makes listening better for him, or perhaps he just wanted to buy something he loves? If you liked it, you wouldn't mind. Sit down with the instruction manual and work it out. You'll learn how to use it, and start to appreciate it more. They are great things.

With regards to the freezer and dryer, is he usually stingy? Will he give you money when you need it? If he's usually good, it could be that he doesn't want his compensation to be frittered away on boring essentials that you'd have needed anyway. If he's always been selfish with cash, it was unlikely to change now he's had a windfall.

You'll do yourself a lot of favours if you see the money as his. If DP told me he didn't mind me having one treat out of my own money, I'd be pretty annoyed.

In fact its mot for him at all.

So not a selfish act.

Firstly, I think the real problem is that he would spend a third of the money without consulting you or even agreeing between you both how it would best benefit the family. So it sounds as if this is 'normal' between you? That's an issue which I, personally, would want to iron out.

Secondly, if you are that short of money, why on earth would you want to spend £50 on a toy?

Your last comment has struck a cord...

Is he acting strangely in himself? Is he in denial about his injuries, either from the accident or his blindness?

Sitting with 3D glasses on could be a sign of him struggling or being ill. Is it possible he is going through a crisis?

I think maybe talking to him would be a good idea, and then taking him to see his GP. Spending a fortune on a big TV and then wearing the glasses despite long-term blindness could be a cry for help, so to speak.

yep, 900 left over and he will not get a 2nd hand freezer or dryer

I was about to say what Caja has said, that behaviour would really concern me, it seems very odd.

YANBU. It's not a TV for the whole family, because the OP doesn't want it and the husband can't get the benefit of it anyway.

And he won't buy a freezer or dryer, even second hand? Yes, he's being selfish.

actually he is incredibly brave when it comes to his blindness. There will be treatments to restore his sight out in the next 20 years and he does not want them as he is happy how he is. He was wearing the 3d glasses to "get in the mood", and also to poke fun at the fact he does not suit shades.

I have to add that the 3d glasses enabled him to see some "sparks of light" which he had not seen for over 10 years.

All I was saying is why sit there with 3d glasses on when you cannot see anything

Does he actually do that though, OP?

yep

Ah x post, well that it explains it then. Wow, imagine not being able to see anything at all, then suddenly seeing sparks of light. That's amazing, I can totally understand why he would want this tv.

YABU

What fairie said then in that case.