aibu or is my husband horribly selfish?

[Emmon]

My husband had an accident last year and has been awarded £3k compensation which came though before Christmas. We are really short of money and have a freezer which only freezes food in the top shelf and a dryer which takes over 2 hours to dry anything.

I was really excited about getting some new stuff but he has spent over 1000 on a 3d smart tv. The one we had before was fine and as he is totally blind and so cannot access the 3d or the internet am not sure why he wants it.

He even refused to get our son a £50 toy at the store and instead got him one for £25. I ended up buying him a toy out of the tax credits.

I run a fledgling business and money could have been invested in that.

Perhaps I am out of order, it was him who had the accident, so I guess that it is his money, but I just think he is being horrible.

I think if it enables him to see light sparkles, it's completely fair enough! That must be truly wonderful for him.

Well, if it means he can see something I would say its totally worth it.

However you need to speak to him regarding ther other stuff if you are unhappy.

YANBU just because I think he should have discussed the purchase with you. Not sure if what he did was selfish but it was thoughtless and annoying.

You said earlier that although there will be treatments in the next 20 years that will restore his sight, he doesn't want them as he is happy as he is?
I think given the financial situation you describe, the fact that he has spent a huge amount on a tv you don't need, which enables him to see sparks of light contradicts what he says?
It must be amazing for him.

It is not selfish of him to buy the telly, and I agree that he should spend some of the money on something that would make your life easier too. Presumably you were affected by his accident too, it didn't just pass you by completely.

The majority of the money should be his to do what he wants with though.

I think you might be too close to the situation to judge it here, OP.

Saying that you don't want new treatments is a coping strategy. I do it too. It means you don't need to think about them, you don't need to rationalise it or discuss it or decide whether the benefits are worth the risks.

If the TV gives him any sight at all, it was money well spent.

Is there no other way you could afford a dryer? Would you have bought one if he hadn't come into money? They are essentially very boring items to buy, and if you can spend £50 on a toy, can you not buy a cheap washer? Does he know that you can't, or is he doing as I'm doing, and presuming that you could afford one if you wanted too?

you're married, there should be no 'my money your money' thing. Don't you discuss big purchases?

What was the compensation for?

Was it an accident which affected all of you as a family, meant that ALL of your lives changed? Have you shouldered burdens you wouldn't have had otherwise?

If so, there's your answer.

But tbh I think that regardless of that, him buying himself toys when the family desperately needs functional items makes him a selfish, non-team playing twat. Maybe tell him to use his telly to dry his clothes and you just concentrate on drying those of the rest of the family?

Bad form i know, but you were moaning about this before christmas too despite the fact that your husband had already invested £2000 in your business.

Given you are the main earner and have chosen to go self employed with no income for months rather than take a steady job to support the family you cN hardly begrudge your husband buying himself something he obviously wanted from money he was paid as compensation for an accident that happened to him.

If you want extras like a tumble dryer then save for one or take a second job so that your income allows for such luxuries. Thousands of people dont have a tumble drier and manage.

*Actually he is incredibly brave when it comes to his blindness. There will be treatments to restore his sight out in the next 20 years and he does not want them as he is happy how he is. He was wearing the 3d glasses to "get in the mood", and also to poke fun at the fact he does not suit shades.

I have to add that the 3d glasses enabled him to see some "sparks of light" which he had not seen for over 10 years.*

Maybe he thinks those spparks of light are worth the money!!