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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know its stupid to be bothered by this but its bugging me and makes me feel sad. AIBU?

31 replies

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 22:53

Had Christmas day at my nans as usual, Various family all attend throughout the day. From 4 years ago there was the first great grandchild (DS) then various ones since then.

My cousins DS is a year younger than mine and is 'golden boy who can do no wrong' in his dads eyes, my aunts (his nan) and his uncles. I actually see potential problems with behaviour etc but would never say anything as I know excuses would be made so I'll just leave them to it.

My DS is the oldest out of the great grandchildren and knows it as he is interested in numbers and is always talking about peoples ages and who is older/younger etc. He can also be bossy. I know this, its not the crime of the century, I was the same when I was younger and still am.

He was being a bit bossy to my cousins DS on Christmas day, nothing over the top at all (I am not just making excuses, he really wasn't bad at all) and I did remind him that he is not in charge, he was generally just playing with everyone and enjoying the day.

I walked into the kitchen at one point to catch my 3 male cousins all stood around talking about my DS and how he is "bossing X around all the time" this was the only bit I heard and they soon shut up when they saw me. I didn't bother to say anything as I didn't want to create an atmosphere but it bugged me to hear them talking like that behind a 4 year old childs back.

God this sounds so stupid and pathetic, it really does. But when I look at my DS and his happy little face, I feel awful that I know they talk about him, I know this won't have been the only thing said. My aunt gets very annoyed that my DS gets looked after by my nan (she brought me up and is essentially like my mum, no one else looks after my children so my nan is the only one who helps out and my aunt knows this, whereas my cousins DS has loads of people looking after him and paying for this that and the other). My aunt was also annoyed that another aunt bought a little something for my 2 DCs and not just HER DGS.

Yes this is all very pathetic but it pisses me off that they are behaving like this towards a small child. I was glad that DS was happy to have someone to play with and he was excited about seeing his second cousin? (not sure how the distant cousins thing works) but I know that this is how its going to be when we meet up. I also overheard my cousin telling off (not in a really nasty way) my DS for shouting in his DS' face when actually it was the other way around.

OP posts:
numbum · 28/12/2012 23:00

My cousins DS is a year younger than mine and is 'golden boy who can do no wrong' in his dads eyes, my aunts (his nan) and his uncles. I actually see potential problems with behaviour etc but would never say anything as I know excuses would be made so I'll just leave them to it

But it's ok for your DS to boss people about in your eyes?

6 of one, half a dozen of the other...

MajesticWhine · 28/12/2012 23:02

I think probably YANBU, but you would be better off not sweating it. Do you wish you had confronted it directly by saying something like, hey guys he's only 4 you know cut him
some slack, in a light hearted way. Then perhaps you wouldn't still be seething.

Shenanagins · 28/12/2012 23:02

Yabu to let them annoy you. just ignore them as they are just jealous.

Amytheflag · 28/12/2012 23:05

I think YABU being bothered by it. They were probably annoyed at your DS bossing the other kiddies about. It's just human nature to talk about things and just bad timing that you heard it. At least they didn't say it to him and hurt his feelings.

larks35 · 28/12/2012 23:06

YABU I think and making too much of it. No-one actually behaved badly to your son from what I can tell from your post, you just overheard some comments amongst adults.

FWIW, I spent Christmas at my sister's along with other siblings and their children and had a few moments of feeling a bit grrr about the way the other children were with my DS (he's the youngest).

The thing is that the children will work it out and it only gets messy when adults feel the need to intervene. We all parent differently and it sounds to me like you do judge the way your cousins(?) parent the "golden boy". Fair enough, judge away but don't let it cloud your judgement on how your DS is. If he was being bossy (mine often is, when he can get away with it) then it isn't surprising that this was noticed and commented upon.

WRT the rest of your gripe well it sounds like there is some family resentment on the perceived special treatment your DS has with your nan. Oh well, family resentment is par for the course in most cases as far as I'm aware.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2012 23:07

You overheard one conversation.

And by your own admission your DS was being a bit bossy.

Sounds like you are reading way too much into this. Smile

simplesusan · 28/12/2012 23:08

I would ignore it too.
The male cousins sound like dicks to be talking about a 4 year old child like that.
Also wtf has it got to do with the aunt who buys your dcs a gift?
Ignore, Christmas won't happen again for another year.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2012 23:08

Shenanigins - why are "they" jealous?

Shenanagins · 28/12/2012 23:14

Because they perceive the child getting special treatment from nan via childcare and an aunt buying a present. Either that or being mean.

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:15

I know it shouldn't bother me. I probably should have said "he is only 4" and left it at that.

Not drip feeding (but there was more than just the OP, was trying to keep it relevant and brief) but there was a snatching incident (cousins DS from my DS) and my DS didn't react, as in snatch it back. He seems to 'get' that he is older and he behaves differently to younger children than he does with his peers (bossiness not included). I did make a point of saying it to my aunt (as cousins DS ignored me when I asked him to give it back) because I know it wouldn't have been looked upon favourably if I had told my cousins DS off and they didn't make much of it (not that I was expecting them to, I just wanted the toy back for my DS) but I know if it had been the other way around, they would have been very unhappy.

I am more for letting kids sort stuff out, unless something really needs adult intervention but I knew that if I didn't keep telling DS, then they really would have got funny.

numbum I didn't say it was ok for my DS to boss him around. As I said in the OP I did tell him, on a number of occasions, that he is not in charge.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 28/12/2012 23:16

And why is someone a "dick" because they say one child is bossing another child around?

Presumably the three male cousins are not all the father of the bossed around child therefore may actually be quite objective in their views?

And the OP admits her DS is a bit bossy.

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:18

Salmotrutta shenanagins has it right. Jealousy plays a big part in my family. Stemming from me living with my nan from the age of 4, therefore I do get treated differently by her, it was that or foster care for me. She is also closer to me children as well given that I am very close to her and me and my children spend a lot of time with her. It all stems from that and my aunt has a chip on her shoulder about it and I'm pretty sure her children do too.

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 28/12/2012 23:19

Honestly it's just kids stuff.

How many times do adults have to be told not to fall out over kids because it's just not worth it?

A child being bossy is annoying and I'm sure at times their own kids will annoy them too...and you also.

I'd be willing to bet you're the only person who actually remembers what happened and the others will have moved on.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2012 23:19

I always love the generic use of "they".

It's sloppy. Surely it's one Aunt who appears to be annoyed.

One Aunt does not add up to "they" presumably.

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:23

Salmotrutta, I don't explain myself at all well. Xmas Smile. It wasn't just what they said, it was the tone as well. Like "FFS" as if DS was doing something really bad, which he wasn't, he can be a bossy child but he wasn't actually that bad Christmas day. I am not one of these parents who can't see their child isn't doing anything wrong either. I am quick to pick on behaviour that needs sorting out.

I know I should forget it. Its just that instinct has kicked in where I feel the need to protect DS from people talking about him. I know it sounds really stupid over something so trivial.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 28/12/2012 23:25

But we didn't know about you living with your nan and how close you are so shenanigans was posting on the info in your post.

One Aunt is not "they" so it's one aunt possibly being jealous based on your original info.

WorraLorraTurkey · 28/12/2012 23:28

You feel the need to 'protect' him from people talking about him?

How is that ever going to be possible? Confused

Firstly he doesn't know they're talking about him and secondly it's human nature to talk about something that's happening, and about the person causing it to happen.

It really is something you need to chill about.

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:29

I see what you mean. Maybe shenanagans can read my mind. Xmas Grin They are actually jealous and think that because my nan does things for me, she should be doing the same for all of them. They have their mum (as in the jealous aunt), I don't but they seem to resent me having the relationship with nan that I do. My cousin just wants more people for him to leave his DS with anyway and I don't think he is happy about that fact that my nan isn't one of the people he can leave him with.

OP posts:
CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:29

Worra I need to chill about a lot of things. I know. Seem to be getting worse the older I get!

OP posts:
WorraLorraTurkey · 28/12/2012 23:29

And I should add if you'd heard something like, "That bossy little bastard is really winding me up" or something similar...I'd absolutely agree that it's out of order to talk about a child like that.

But they were just stating a fact...the same fact that you've stated to us.

Salmotrutta · 28/12/2012 23:29

Crazy - don't sweat the small stuff. Easy to say but seriously, do not get aerated up by mad relatives.

Ain't worth it and it really just sounds like a bit of grumpy grumbling.

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:31

aerated OMG!! The only other person I have heard say that is my nan. Xmas Grin

Its not you is it?

OP posts:
tigerdriverII · 28/12/2012 23:32

Chillax it's Christmas. This stuff happens in all families. Just rise above it.

Shenanagins · 28/12/2012 23:32

Yup posting in reference to she brought me up and essentially like a mum to me in the op.

anyway its too late for me to be bothered about the grammar of a post when i just dropped by to offer some support. time for my bed so night all!

CrazyChristmasLady · 28/12/2012 23:33

I appreciated your support. Xmas Smile

OP posts: