DP given £1000 for Xmas but he hasn't told me

[BetteDavis01]

DP's DF came over Christmas Day and we all exchanged gifts. He gave me and DC's £100 in cash. I noticed that DP was given a cheque. He quickly glanced at it and put it in his pocket.

Later on, he took all his gifts upstairs, so I went up there and started have a nosey. The cheque was for £1000. DP hasn't said a word. I feel really pissed off. Not because I 'only' got £100 but because he hasn't told me. I hate that he is withholding something from me.

AIBU?

[Darkesteyes]

ChristmasJubileeSat 29-Dec-12 14:35:46


I gave my dsd £1000 for Christmas. She has recently had a baby and is not going back to work. Childcare would be far more than she earns. The only money she has is her child benefit and a small amount of tax credits. Her dh gives her money if she asks


Wow Surely you mean childcare would cost far more than THEY earn.
And he gives her money if she asks?
Couple of red flags waving here.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Yanbu to be upset that he did not tell you about the money.

[Pantomimedam]

cricket - fair enough but presumably you tell dh about any money you are given and vice versa. Which is not how it worked for the OP.

[cricketballs]

But panto if the op expects gifts to go in the 'family pot' then no wonder he doesn't say anything!

He could though be planning a suprise...

[TuppenceBeresford]

Wow, can I just remind people that the cheque is for, uh, £1000?! If the OP and her husbands are millionaires then sure, it's no big deal. But for most regular people surely that's a lot of money?? If I received a sudden windfall of a grand how on earth could I justify spending it on clothes and treats for myself while we are struggling to pay bills? That's not why we got married.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Do those of you who expect a personal cash gift to be shared (even if you have been given your own cash gift by the same person) actually tell the person giving the gift?

Im not quite sure how I would react if my child's partner after receiving his/ her own personal gift from me also wanted my child's gift.

If my child decided without pressure to buy a family thing fair enough but to feel obliged to have to by there partner, I'm pretty sure I would consider that to possibly be financially abusive but grasping at the very least.

I may be coming from a different perspective as if any of my kids had financial difficulties I'm in a position to sort it out for them and any birthday/ Christmas gifts would be on top of any bailing out. I also would be highly unlikely to give such significantly different value gifts. But then again I do make it perfectly clear if a gift s a joint gift or a individuals gift.

[cantspel]

Tuppence but the op has not said they are struggling to pay bills as we know nothing of their financial situation as it has not been given.

The simple fact is she snooped so loses any right to question him about the cheque. This place is full of double standards as no one would make any excuse for a man who snooped on his wife. If she wanted to know then she should have asked not snoop.

A personal gift is just that and is not for sharing unless the recipient wishes to. The giver clearly wanted to give separate gifts as he gave the op and dc,s their own present so why should they now think they have a share of his?

[ebersneezer]

If the person opened the gift in public and didnt say anything, that's fine, it is a very large sum! I would think that they were being polite and discrete. I would expect my husband to mention something in private, the only nice reason not to say anything would be for a surprise.

If someone gave me £1000 I would find it hard to spend on myself. Ok I could;) but I wouldnt. At my meaness I would get myself some shoes and put the rest in savings under my name, for a rainy day. Other ideas would be an emergency family fund, holiday fund, TV fund, the list goes on.

I was given a £1500 2 years ago and I got a solid wood dining table and chairs for the family. I didn't keep it secret. If my husband had said that his parents had given him a gift of £10000 and he wanted to spend it on that bike or that laptop, then that would be fine. If we were not starving, of course ;)

However family expenses are organised it is a lot of money to go unmentioned.

[Damash12]

Any news yet in A) him telling you about or b) you asking? This is where the real debate will begin!

[Pantomimedam]

Ask your dp. Say something like 'It was really generous of your father to give me £100 at Christmas, how much was your cheque?'

[squeakytoy]

I would just be upfront and say "so what are you planning on spending your xmas present from your parents on?"

[LettyAshton]

hmmm.

I think the dp should have told the OP about the cheque. BUT probably the dad wanted his son to have a bit of "mad" money rather than see it eaten up by the electricity bill or whatever. It would be really depressing to think that if you gave your dc some money (with the caveat that the family wasn't in dire difficulties) the spouse grabbed it and insisted it was spent on the council tax.

And the OP was given £100. As a dil who always received a box of Ferrero Rocher with one week left to the sell-by-date I would have been delirious with happiness with £10.

[StuntGirl]

Did you ask him then OP?