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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be absolutley livid MIL isn't heeding our fire safety advice?

53 replies

chicaguapa · 28/12/2012 18:01

I posted a few years ago about concerns DH & I had with regards to fire safety and blocked exits at PIL's house. They use the back door for entering and exiting the house, which means having to go through the garage into the kitchen. The front door is double glazed and always locked, with the keys kept in the kitchen. All the windows are double glazed and locked.

We turned up unexpectedly a few years ago and noticed that the smoke alarm didn't have a battery and spoke to them about how 90% of fires start in the kitchen and that they didn't have an escape route if they couldn't get out through the kitchen. We asked them to keep a set of front door keys in the drawer next to the front door, which they did. We also arranged for the Fire service to go to round and help them assess their escape route etc. I don't know if this ever happened as we've never spoken about it again as they were annoyed with us for having brought it up.

Whenever we stay we check that the keys are in the drawer. Once they weren't because they'd been lent to a neighbour and this time the keys aren't there again and they didn't give a reason for them not being there. Also they've turned part of the garage into a utility room so now you can't even get out through the garage door if the back door is locked and you can't find the keys.

So to summarise, both exit doors are double glazed and the keys kept in the kitchen. The front door is at the bottom of the stairs, the back door is through the kitchen. All the windows are double glazed and locked, with keys in a pot on one window sill. And I am livid because they know this is not safe and they are happy for their DS and two DGC to stay in the house without being able to get out if there's a fire. AIBU?

OP posts:

kickassangel · 28/12/2012 18:06

My parents are like this as well. They are paranoid about being burgled and insist that if there were a fire they would find the hidden keys in the drawer. Luckily they have some single glazed windows and I would happily put a chair through them at the first hint of a flame.

jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 18:07

Yanbu. The prospect of being locked in like that sounds utterly terrifying. It's not just about fire safety - what if there's an emergency and you need to let a paramedic in?

cozietoesie · 28/12/2012 18:08

Well I wouldn't stay with them and I'd tell them exactly why. I've had a fire safety check in this house and I specifically run through fire safety instructions and exits with visitors to the house. (They may think I'm a bit phobic but Tough - we had a fire in the house next door to us and were within 10 seconds of being evacuated by the fire brigade in PJs and clutching only animals. (The house was burned to the ground but weather conditions were in our houses' favour.))

cozietoesie · 28/12/2012 18:09

Good point jessjessjess.

jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 18:11

Also what if only one person is in and they are injured somehow? They don't need to be pissing about looking for keys.

Things do happen, people fall or burn themselves or have heart attacks or any number of other reasons not to be locked in so absurdly thoroughly.

HollyBerryBush · 28/12/2012 18:14

Many moons ago the advice was to keep keys hidden in a drawer near the door - why? burglars can have your double glazed units out in a jiffy, pick up keys off the work surface and be away with your goods through the unlocked door.

Ditto, keeping keys next to a front door

drummerswife · 28/12/2012 18:17

my db lived in an old mews cottage that only had the front door as an exit route.he was woken in the early hours one morning by thick smoke and had to exit through where the fire started [an arson attack via letterbox].he was lucky to get out alive.
yanbu at all

diddl · 28/12/2012 18:19

Well in all honesty-you´ve pointed it out-now leave them to it.

And don´t stay yourselves!

Toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner · 28/12/2012 18:23

Just refuse to stay there until you and Dh are happy with the circumstances - If the thought of missing out on GC visits is good leverage, obv?

clam · 28/12/2012 18:32

The more recent advice from the police is to leave your keys in the hall (although not right next to the letterbox) as opposed to taking them upstairs with you, as if burglars want your nice car, they're going to come and find those keys wherever they might be. Do you really want them coming into your bedroom to get them?

clam · 28/12/2012 18:38

But re: parents and key obsession, mine are exactly the same. Mine have secondary glazing, which actually means you can't open the casement windows at all, without removing the whole inner glass unit - not an easy manoevre. So in summer you suffocate, and in a fire you'd be stuffed. We keep telling them, and insisting they remove them each time we visit so we can open the windows and breathe, but the next time we go down we have to explain it all again as the double-glazing units are back in situ again. Each time it's as if it's news to them.

They also triple-lock their back door and keep the keys hidden in another room altogether so recently, when I was trying to let my puppy out for an urgent early-morning wee, it took forever to find the bloody things and I was too late.

Rosa · 28/12/2012 18:49

Tell them to check the fine print of the house insurance ...might find that if they don't take 'proper' measures it will be invalid ..( might not be but its just a thought !)

Original poster

chicaguapa · 28/12/2012 19:27

We had already decided that if they don't want to be safe when they're on their own, that's their matter and there's nothing more we can do. But when we're staying at the house, we have to take responsibility for our own safety.

The other points raised are very valid as FIL had a stroke a few years ago and there's every chance it could happen again. Maybe this would be a better angle to approach it from as they're clearly ignoring the fire angle.

DH has told them we want the keys accessible when we're staying. They can harrumph all they like, but I'm not being locked in a burning house!

OP posts:

meddie · 28/12/2012 19:33

If they are genuinely worried about burglars. There is always the possibility of having a lifeaxe. They can be hung on a wall next to downstairs windows that would be needed as an exit incase of fire
Its specifically designed to break double glazed windows which usually have a weak point in the bottom corners. Could be a compromise?

Original poster

chicaguapa · 28/12/2012 19:41

Oooo! That's good. We have something similar in our car. I'll suggest it and maybe the idea that they might have to shatter window at huge expense to let a paramedic in would be enough to make them see the importance of having accessible keys.

OP posts:

Wearsuncream · 28/12/2012 19:47

yadnbu -Ive been in a fire. You can't breathe. At ALL. It's exactly like being underwater. It's not like slight coughing. You can't breathe.
They are selfish idiots. Don't stay there if you don't feel safe and certainly don't let your children stay either.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 28/12/2012 19:52

I wouldn't stay there under any circumstances. My keys are always left in the front door which is at the bottom of the stairs. Yes it's a risk for burglary but I'd rather be burgled than die in a fire. Dont most fires start in the kitchen anyway?

Bunbaker · 28/12/2012 19:54

Can you arrange for the local fire service to visit their house and give them a fire safety assessment? It doesn't cost anything.

jinglebellyalltheway · 28/12/2012 19:57

YANBU I wouldn't stay, no way.

There are ways to leave keys near doors without being visable through glass to burglers and like rogers, I'd rather be burgled than trapped in a fire!

Could they make copies for you to keep near your bed as a comprimise so you can just grab them if anything happens in the night?

jinglebellyalltheway · 28/12/2012 19:59

but unfortunately, if they don't look after their smoke alarms, the keys/exit route is a bit of a non issue anyway

do they know that the fire brigade will fit long life ones for free? (and while they're there give them a talking to about their exit routes)

Chubfuddler · 28/12/2012 20:00

Just don't stay there. If they are too far away for day visits stay in a travel lodge or premier inn. The lack of functioning smoke alarms would rule it out for me alone.

cozietoesie · 28/12/2012 20:01

Sadly, jinglebelly, not all Fire Brigades do that - or do free fire safety checks. (Another AIBU thread on fire safety a few months back prompted some checking by posters.)

jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 20:04

I don't understand why the door has to be locked from the inside.

meMillyme · 28/12/2012 20:09

It sounds to me like they have a bit Iof a 'it won't happen to us' attitude. Speaking as someone who lost their entire home, every thing I owned and my Brother in a fire caused by an electrical fault; they are being irresponsible.

YANBU I would do as too much turkey suggested and say you won't bring the kids until they change it.

cozietoesie · 28/12/2012 20:12

Yes - the building which was destroyed next to us was through a fire due to main wiring faults. It was only 10 years old as well. Be you ever so safety conscious (which the OP's parents don't seem to be anyway) there's always a risk.

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