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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutley livid MIL isn't heeding our fire safety advice?

53 replies

chicaguapa · 28/12/2012 18:01

I posted a few years ago about concerns DH & I had with regards to fire safety and blocked exits at PIL's house. They use the back door for entering and exiting the house, which means having to go through the garage into the kitchen. The front door is double glazed and always locked, with the keys kept in the kitchen. All the windows are double glazed and locked.

We turned up unexpectedly a few years ago and noticed that the smoke alarm didn't have a battery and spoke to them about how 90% of fires start in the kitchen and that they didn't have an escape route if they couldn't get out through the kitchen. We asked them to keep a set of front door keys in the drawer next to the front door, which they did. We also arranged for the Fire service to go to round and help them assess their escape route etc. I don't know if this ever happened as we've never spoken about it again as they were annoyed with us for having brought it up.

Whenever we stay we check that the keys are in the drawer. Once they weren't because they'd been lent to a neighbour and this time the keys aren't there again and they didn't give a reason for them not being there. Also they've turned part of the garage into a utility room so now you can't even get out through the garage door if the back door is locked and you can't find the keys.

So to summarise, both exit doors are double glazed and the keys kept in the kitchen. The front door is at the bottom of the stairs, the back door is through the kitchen. All the windows are double glazed and locked, with keys in a pot on one window sill. And I am livid because they know this is not safe and they are happy for their DS and two DGC to stay in the house without being able to get out if there's a fire. AIBU?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 28/12/2012 20:14

someone tried to break into my house a couple of weeks ago by putting something through the letterbox presumably to either try and get the keys or to open the door from the inside (handle pushes down from the inside iyswim). I was home alone at the time Shock fortunately my dog went belistic and barked and snarled and whoever it was ran off.

The advice has been for people to put their keys away in a drawer as this is apparently a very common way of burgling someone's house...

I think tbh a lot of people don't have adequate fire safety precautions. No it's not ideal, but equally I wouldn't be livid over it or refuse to stay there.

wannaBe · 28/12/2012 20:16

"I don't understand why the door has to be locked from the inside." my front door has to be locked from the inside, otherwise, as stated above, someone could put something through the letterbox and open it, from the inside. And this is a modern door fitted about six months ago.

FannyFifer · 28/12/2012 20:16

Having had two members of my family die in two separate house fires, there is not a chance I would stay there.

meMillyme · 28/12/2012 20:17

Sadly far too many people have a casual attitude to fire safety.

GlitterySparklyBaublesOfDoom · 28/12/2012 20:31

YANBU. We had an unprompted visit from the local fire service a couple of months back offering safety advice and fitting smoke detectors. We live in a bog standard 3 bed semi and they fitted 2. One in the downstairs hall, replacing the one we already had and one extra on the landing. They also told us to plan an escape route, specifically avoiding the kitchen, which we already had and they endorsed and advised us to take our keys to bed with us. We don't have a car so no worries about burglars breaking in for those. They also advised us how to break double glazed windows in case they can't be opened. Grab a hard/solid object and hit the window as hard as you can as close to any corner as you can get. Don't try to break them in the middle, it'll take ages

I wouldn't be happy at all OP. We had an kitchen fire due to an electrical fault 20 years ago and it was terrifying, particularly the speed at which it spread and how fast smoke filled the house. That was mid morning when I was wide awake and had all my wits about me and I still panicked. I dread to think what it would've been like at 3am with me and DP trying to get DS and us out of the house safely.

Looking on the bright side though I did have seven very lovely firemen in my dining room and two fire engines parked outside but I have no desire to ever, ever repeat it. It was horrible.

jinglebellyalltheway · 28/12/2012 20:48

I'll say it again! you don't have to hang your key on a hook that can be reached from a window or letterbox to have it easy to grab on exit route!!

Bunbaker · 29/12/2012 21:15

Just been to visit an elderly aunt today. When she went out she left the Christmas tree lights on and refused to switch them off. When I asked her if she had a smoke detector she said a vehement "no" as if she wouldn't entertain the thought. I think I might give her local fire service a ring and ask them to visit her.

TravelinColour · 29/12/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steppemum · 29/12/2012 21:59

we keep a key near our front door, out of sight from the outside, but visible from inside, because it only opens and locks with a key.

But we also have windows in every room that can be opened so you can get out. It is now law to fit upsatirs windows that are big enough to get out through. The windows do have keys, but are near impossible to break into if closed, even if not locked, ours are only locked when we go away on holiday. So we could get out through any window.

upthread someone said that burglars can get your double glazed units out from outside. Well, no, only if they are old cheap ones. Modern double glazing is fitted from the inside and so can't be broken into that way.

jessjessjess · 29/12/2012 23:46

If it's a choice between making it slightly easier to burgle me or slightly easier to survive a fire, I know where my priorities lie frankly.

jessjessjess · 29/12/2012 23:47

Bunbaker how odd!

TraineeBabyCatcher · 30/12/2012 00:06

Fire safety is something I have struggled to explain appropriately to ds (5). He has been told to:
Shout for help.
If the door is shut, check with the back of his hand, if hot then stuff the bottom of his door and do not open. Then open his bedroom window (though its not one he could climb out of-as those are locked so he couldn't possibly fall out) and shout for help.
If not hot, crawling, get an adult, get downstairs and let himself out of the house and go to his friends grandmas house if he hasn't got an adult (3 houses up).
Is there anything else I should tell him?
I found it really hard to tell him all the important things without scaring him.

Anyway, sorry op, diverty there by the time I had read the whole thread, I would avoid staying until I was happy.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 30/12/2012 00:23

trainee, shout, crawl (practice this), close doors behind you except front door which you leave ajar, do not go back in!

3 outs:
get out
stay out
get the fire brigade out

you are more help to others in the house if you get out, stay out, get the fire brigade out

the 3 outs are easy enough for that age to remember

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 30/12/2012 00:25

"If not hot, crawling, get an adult, get downstairs and let himself out of the house"

no getting adult when still in house, just shout and get out! (..stay out, fire brigade out)

HildaOgden · 30/12/2012 00:39

If you're stuck inside when a fire breaks out,break the window (whether double glazed or not) by smashing a heavy object into any one of the 4 corners of the glass.It will break,it's a built in safety feature (learned that at a fire safety course,work related).Most people try breaking it in the middle,it won't work.

I think the real problem,OP,is that you may have approached this the wrong way.While I can fully see the validity of your point,I'm guessing the in-laws probably didn't appreciate the manner in which your advice was given.You sound like a health and safety inspector doing a mandatory inspection...with the 'unexpected visit' leading to you calling out the Fire Service to inspect them,and then being 'furious at them for not heeding obeying your advice'.Seriously,I reckon you got their back up.I personally would be pissed off if any future daughter-in-law of mine did the same,however valid their point was.

I think you need to adapt a far softer approach,let them know you are genuinely worried from a heartfelt point of view.Maybe tell them of a horror story you have heard about a couple of a similar age to them,personalise your worries and they might take it on board.Lecturing won't work.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 30/12/2012 00:48

Thanks ILoveSalad, that's a good point, just to get out. He knows to get help, he knows 999 and addresses of mine and my parents house (places he spends the most time) and that he needs to tell them about things he's near if he doesn't know the address.

I didnt think to tell him about shutting doors, as that wouldn't actually have occured to me. It's a long time since I looked a fire safety measures so I'm going to make that my job for tomorrow.

RandallPinkFloyd · 30/12/2012 01:00

I've been burgled and had a fire.

I know which one I preferred.

Keys always left in doors here.

RandallPinkFloyd · 30/12/2012 01:08

I do see where you're coming from Hilda and your advice is certainly worth a try but unfortunately there are some people who just take any kind of advice as personal criticism.

Unfortunately there are a lot of parents who view their adult children's opinions in the same way they did when they were teenagers.

They are older than us therefore far wiser. We are merely know-it-all kids with daft newfangled ideas!

I've avoided any suggestions of my DS staying with my parents as they still have polystyrene ceiling tiles in the spare room and I know for a fact that however I phrase it, it won't go down well.

everybodysang · 30/12/2012 01:22

Ooh - good chance to ask a question I have about fire safety. I know you're supposed to close internal doors but we can't because our cats roam the house and need access to the kitchen (and are frequently hiding somewhere invisible at bedtime so it would be tricky to find them and keep them out of rooms). What do you do?

Itsaboatjack · 30/12/2012 02:27

^ we have a cat too so I just close the kitchen door and lounge door at night a they are the rooms that I think are most likely to have a fire start in.

yousmell · 30/12/2012 09:14

tempt them with chicken into the kitchen last thing and close the door?

Svrider · 30/12/2012 09:20

Not sure how old your dc are op, but it's not always a good idea to leave the keys in the door
My dn was found age 1.5yo old on a very busy road, after unlocking front door (having never done so before)
I keep my keys on a high hook above the door
Yanbu about been unable to get out
Also when me and dh discussed fire protocol, we had very different ideas!
Always good to have a plan, before its needed

MincepiePatty · 30/12/2012 09:25

Fil is like this, he hides the key, well in fact he hides how he locks the house from everyone his paranoia about burglary is so bad.
I've only stayed at his house once and will never do so again, no window opens, I could not open any door either.
We have pointed this out to him countless times, especially now he is getting a bit more frail and has fallen down stairs (he hasn't given a spare key to anyone, including his sons...)
YANBU in any way, I wouldn't stay there and there is no way any child should either.

RooneyMara · 30/12/2012 09:26

I think you shouldn't stay in these circumstances.

That's all you can do - trying to get them to change their habits is not working. And it's ultimately their choice.

We have a back door with key kept near it (kitchen), also it's a stable door so the top can be opened to climb out if necessary.

And a middle set of French doors leading into conservatory, no keys required.

Front door is in between the bedrooms (ground floor flat) and opens with a yale lock anyway - probably not that secure but at least the kids can do it if they have to, without looking for a key.

Not many of our windows open as they are old and the sash cords have gone, and they're painted shut, but they are breakable in an emergency and the one in the kids' room still works fine.

Tbh the reason I wanted to live on the ground floor is fire safety. I would feel absolutely unsafe in your PILs' house. I'd have to take my own axe.

RooneyMara · 30/12/2012 09:29

We also have radio linked heat detectors and smoke alarms. All on the mains, other flats go off if ours does, and vice versa.

We sleep a long way from the kitchen and so it's v important to know if something kicks off in there, as we probably wouldn't smell it from the other end of the house.

Even at our last house which was 2 storey, there was always a way out - locked windows had the keys in or near them, opened onto a sloping porch roof which led onto a big hedge. It's so important not to have to think in a fire - you need to have a route planned, and tried if possible, so you just click into emergency mode and get on with getting out immediately.