to talk to dd's bf's mum? or think I should mind my own business?

[dolleduptothenines]

My dd(17) has been with her bf for almost a year now. They were best friends before that. He is a really great boy.

DD has told me that she wants a gap year next year and go traveling as shes not sure what she wants to study at uni yet.

Completely fine by me, although I think miss and worry about her so much. I asked her if her bf would be coming with her. (Her bf has spoken to me before about traveling around America)

She said no because his mum won't let him.

I find his mum a little bit clingy tbh, like recently they went to go and see Twilight together. No 17yo boy would particularly want to go to the cinema with their mum, especially to see Twilight.

I feel so bad for my dd as shes obviously torn between traveling and her bf. And I know the bf really wants to go and we only get a few chances to get to do something wonderful like travel the world.

aibu to go and speak to his mum about this? or just accept that it's none of my business.

I suspect he does want to go travelling, but not with your DD. Perhaps he'd rather go with a group of lads and have a boys' holiday, or perhaps he doesn't want the relationship to become too serious too young, and wants freedom to play the field a bit at uni. Most lads would chew off their right arm for the chance of a parent free holiday with a gf, so that fact that he isn't suggests to me that it is him that has the issue, not his mum.

I wouldn't allow my 17 year old to go on a gap year with his hypothetical girlfriend either.

Firstly, because I'm not prepared to finance a "travelling" gapyear for any of my children. I don't have the money, and I'm not keen on them getting a loan to have fun before they have learned to work for money

And secondly because the chances are they will have broken up by then, or break up during the year. Neither of which would make for a fun time for either of them.

You lost me on the cinema.

What's so bad about that?

Oh, and ds2 has offered to take me to see the life of Pi next week because he knows I want to go.

Does that make him weird?

Actually, I don't really get gap years before university at all. Get some qualifications, then travel, in my opinion.

I was a bit confused about the cinema thing too if it was a 17 yr old girl going to the cinema with her mum would it still be weird ,

Actually, I don't really get gap years before university at all. Get some qualifications, then travel, in my opinion.

AND MINE although gap years when i was 17 meant you were unemployed

Mothers of sons are destined to be sat in the back row alone clutching a photo of their boy drinking cocktails in a far flung land!

Yes, ds1 had three gap years before starting college. I hope he will have a travelling gap year when he has some qualifications and can work his way around the world.

Rather than doing what my nieces and nephews all seem to have done, which is saved for a one-way air ticket and then made emergency (reverse charge) phone calls at regular intervals looking for money.

3 of DDS friends have dropped out of uni and college to travel bloody waste of a good FREE education if you ask me get your qualifications pay for your own bloody holiday

They should just all go to the bloody cinema with their mums and count themselves lucky.

I have a 17 year old DS who generously came with me to see The Dictator because no adult would go with me and even more shockingly came with me and 10 year old DD to see Skyfall. He quite likes a free trip to the cinema and accompanies me to other places too... the shops, Sunday mass etc. He even came swimming with DD on Xmas eve - a tradition we've had for years - and made a good stab at enjoying it. I'm quite pleased to say he is still a member of our family!

He recently broke up with his GF - they had been together since he was 14 and she 13. We are a little sad to no longer see her but also what a relief! Who wants to see their DS tied down so soon? I am glad he no longer has that intense relationship going on and I would have been truly horrified if he had wanted to go off travelling with her. He's far too young to be in such an established couple and chances are most relationships between people that age will end in tears. How hideous if that happened when they were stuck together on another continent.

I would strongly dissuade any of my sons from going on their gap year with a girlfriend as it's a recipe for disaster at that age:

It costs shedloads and they'd get more out of it between first and second degrees or after their second degree (expected in the field 2 eldest are in)

What if they decide to split up halfway through?

Because they are fine lads who love and are kind to their mother, they are also the kind of lads who would feel they had to be responsible for their girlfriends whilst travelling, especially if it were just the 2 of them - son and girlfriend. Better to travel independently or as part of a group. Not convenient for your daughter unlesss she wants to travel in a group, but there you are.

Not that many people end up with the same girlfriend/boyfriend as they had before they went to college so why spend a precious gap year with them? (Selfish but again, worth considering)

Better to go in a group or independently.

The 'old wives tale' is that you can tell the heart of a man by how he treats his mum. I think you are in danger of being very one-eyed about this. And controlling. I don't think you'd be my sons' favourite person either.

And what is all this cuntish rubbish about going to the pictures with his mum being somehow bad? All ok if you think going to the pics with your daughter is equally outrageous but HELLOOOO 21st century! Catch up! We are allowed to get on with our teenage kids WHATEVER THEIR GENDER.