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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it weird when people tell me they are ttc?

33 replies

ArielInTheBath · 28/12/2012 15:09

A friends sister got married early December. Met up with friend for a coffee this morning and she tells me very matter of fact that "Sister told me that they are going to start trying for a baby in March"

Another friend told me that shes having her coil out in November and then they are going to start ttc.

Now I am very happy for them of course and I'm not a prude and maybe it is partly excitement talking but surely this is information you should keep between you and your partner??

Anything could happen, circumstances might change, you could have problems with ttc, you're adding more pressure by telling everyone.

OP posts:
forgetmenots · 28/12/2012 15:10

Yabu, the pressure is theirs and they clearly don't mind. YANBU for nt wanting to share your own info though!

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2012 15:11

I think it's a bit odd. We didn't tell a soul either time. Didn't want loads of questions.

InsertFestiveAliasHere · 28/12/2012 15:11

YANBU - I don't like it, but mostly because it automatically translates in my head into "Starting in X month we will be having a lot more sex." That may be somewhat immature of me though... Blush

Roasties · 28/12/2012 15:14

YABU , they trust you with this information so they like you

It's not odd telling a friend she wants a baby

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2012 15:15

I would rather not know then I like the surprise 'I'm pregnant' bit. Grin

Original poster
ArielInTheBath · 28/12/2012 15:21

Roasties I agree it isn't odd telling me that they want a baby.

Its just that I've been told the exact time of when they will start ttc.

Maybe I find it odd purely because I never told anyone. I didn't want the added pressure and people asking - are you pregnant yet??

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2012 15:23

Yes, I think it's weird and an odd thing to say. People do though.

mrsjay · 28/12/2012 15:24

i dont get it surely sex is a private matter and that is what the couple are going to be doing when they TTC please dont tell me that you are shagging like rabbits to get a baby Grin

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh · 28/12/2012 15:26

I agree. I know someone (who's a bit of a strange egotistical person) who announced that she and her DP were returning to their home country 'and we're going to conceive a bay'. Not even 'try to'.

They split up.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh · 28/12/2012 15:26

baby, not 'bay' obviously

PiePoPiddlyPo · 28/12/2012 15:28

I think some people are very open about things. I have friends who will tell anyone who will listen about their TTC, fertility problems, IVF etc. They don't mind, perhaps it helps them to talk about it?

Where as I didn't tell anyone I was TTC, and haven't even told people about my multiple IVF attempts except very close family and my best friends. I'd prefer people not to know for some reason.

Neither way is wrong, it's just different.

Birdsgottafly · 28/12/2012 15:48

In the first instance the sister has told you, so i would say that it isn't unusual to tell family members that you are ttc, my DD has made the same announcement, well she discussed it with me, first, as she will need support.

I wouldn't think it odd to tell a friend that you are having your coil removed, tbh, if you normally go out drinking etc, then you would have guessed anyway.

If a miscarriage happened, i would expect that those the woman shared ttc with, would be the same people that she would look to for support.

So what if things change? they can just explain that they felt the time wasn't right.

There is nothing wrong with being open about contraception and ttc, imo.

soontobeburns · 28/12/2012 16:05

Me and my DP have been TTC for 31 months and I did find I told everyone when we started.

We started after we where together 6 months and where still young (I was 20)

I told people because when I heard about friends getting pregnant etc I automatically think unwanted pregnancy, stupid girl not taking precautions etc.
I wanted people to know if I did get pregnant that it was a wanted pregnancy and planned for.

Tbh I think it was growing up hearing my mum talk about bastard children etc and it was ingrained in me that you need to be married first or would be judged and I did tend to judge other people. But I was engaged when we started and knew we where going to get married and I wanted a baby whilst I was still young (before 23).

BackforGood · 28/12/2012 16:07

YANBU for all reasons already stated.
I really don't want to know about anyone else's sex life thanks very much!

Birdsgottafly · 28/12/2012 16:12

Ttc is stopping contraception, not starting having sex, perhaps if in the UK we were open about that we would have less unwanted pregnancies and high teen birth rates.

jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 17:33

I think some people don't realise how long it can take. Or just like to overshare.

WinklyVersusTheZombies · 28/12/2012 17:37

People ask couples about having children all the time, so why not tell them? And if a couple is having problems, why not let close friends/family know, so they can offer support?

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2012 17:41

I would never ask anyone whether they are going to have children.

Moominsarehippos · 28/12/2012 17:41

I was asked how long it took to conceive once. I am very private and was mortified! I just said 'oh the usual, twenty mins or so...'.

theblackswan · 28/12/2012 17:50

whilst I was still young (before 23).

Yes because when I turn 24 I am obviously moving into a retirement home Hmm

jessjessjess · 28/12/2012 17:50

People who ask couples about TTC should not be encouraged to do so. It can cause major upset and is nobody's business.

Sparklingbrook · 28/12/2012 17:51

Exactly jess. if they offer the info fine but never ever ask.

mrsjay · 28/12/2012 17:56

I would never ask anyone whether they are going to have children.

I have never asked couples if they are going to have children why would I, I have a friend who has been married 25 years and they have no children I have never asked why not,

spotsdots · 28/12/2012 18:11

TTC is having unprotected sex with the intention of conceiving a baby Grin. Unless if the couple are having difficulties in conceiving and therefore sharing that information for support is ok.

YANBU

tassisssss · 28/12/2012 18:15

OP I so agree and for the reasons you mention. it took us flippin ages to conceive our 2nd. i hated people knowing.

I hate even more when people say things like "we're going to try in X month as we really want a baby in X month"...I mean fantastic if it works like that for you, but sadly it just doesn't always work out the way we plan...