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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No rsvps do I cancel party?

45 replies

monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2012 04:20

I have booked and paid for DDs party at a play/make things place, I have invited her friends from childcare and so far not a single response. I have a dilemma, do I extend the invite to all the kids in her group in a bid to get some replies and a party or do I just cancel the whole thing? She is only 3 so would be none the wiser about any of it and I have a nice family thing planned for her too anyway. I don't have the parents phone numbers or know them to catch them at the gate. I don't particularly care if I lose the money from the booking and would rather that than we turn up with party bags and expectations only to find a totally empty party. As a side note I cannot believe people don't rsvp! I asked for replies by email, so easy. So it's more of a wwyd?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/12/2012 04:26

When is the party?

TanteRose · 28/12/2012 04:27

when is the party?

what with Xmas etc., people might have just not had the time to reply yet...

but, from what I can gather on MN, a lot of people just don't bother with RSVP Angry it is unbelievably rude IMO

GilmoursPillow · 28/12/2012 04:27

I think I would cancel. If anyone shows up to no party then it's their hard luck for not taking the time to respond.

BlueyDragon · 28/12/2012 04:28

When's the party and how did you issue the invites in the first place? If you didn't put an RSVP by date on the invite and you have enough time, a reminder through the same route as the original invite would work. Otherwise I think you're going to have to assume that people will turn up.

I don't understand why people don't RSVP either. It's not hard to do and bloody rude not to IMNVHO.

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2012 05:20

They all had 2 weeks notice and I gave invitations through childcare but didn't give date to rsvp by. Part of me thinks I'll put a reminder out through the same route and the other part of me thinks I'll put a note out saying it's cancelled. I wouldn't hold a party for myself with no rsvps so feel very uneasy taking that risk for DD. If it's standard practice to not bother with rsvps then how does anyone know that anyone is coming? Seems extraordinary.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 28/12/2012 05:24

yeah but WHEN is it??

we all need to know...Grin

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 28/12/2012 05:27

Are you sure the invitations were actually handed out?

BlameItOnTheBogey · 28/12/2012 05:35

Totally depends on when it is. If tomorrow then I would send note canceling. If a week later, then I would send note reminding...

Chottie · 28/12/2012 05:41

It does seem strange that not one person has replied? I would be sending an email or text reminder as I'm not convinced that the invites have been handed out.

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2012 05:43

Oh it's Jan 6th

OP posts:
TanteRose · 28/12/2012 05:47

OK, right - well then, a reminder is in order (what with Xmas 'n all..)

hope you have a lovely party Smile

fluffygal · 28/12/2012 05:47

My sons birthday party is 6th jan too, I've had one reply but am sure the others are coming. When mine were at nursery I hardly got any rsvps but asked the staff to find out for me if people were coming, they also put a note on the daily sheet. I would try to find out/prompt first. I am going to text people next wednesday as it has just been christmas.

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2012 05:53

Gosh I can't believe parents have to remind and beg and prompt people! I think until there's a firm big group of close friends it might be better to avoid this sort of big party. I feel desperately uneasy not knowing if people would come and a bit shitty about reminding people. How can you be sure people are coming if nobody said they will? Just curious.

OP posts:
Ladymuck · 28/12/2012 05:57

What's the norm in this circle? Have other children had birthday parties? If so do people go? If there is a track record of a party or two a month that is well-attended, then it would be strange to have NO rsvps.

stainesmassif · 28/12/2012 06:02

You've got ages. Send reminders. Don't worry. People WANT stuff to do with their toddlers. Don't take it personally!

missingperson · 28/12/2012 06:04

It is Xmas. Everyone is v busy and focused on family stuff plus if anything like me I expect party invite will have got muddled in with all sorts of other Xmas stuff e.g cards etc.

If you are worried it might be a good idea to postpone until later in the New Year and get nursery staff to follow up the replies if they have time. Also replies by text might be easier for some people.

tryingtoleave · 28/12/2012 06:11

I've found people often wait till the RSVP date to RSVP - so if you don't put down a date they might not end up rsvping. I did a party like yours for dd and two parents didn't RSVP by the date. So I put notes in their pigeon holes saying I needed to know for the venue. One replied right away very apologetically and I never heard from the other - so I didn't put that child's name on the door list.

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2012 06:36

Maybe I could do a reminder then. Hmm I don't much like this culture of not replying to rsvps, how can someone reply on the day! Everyone is busy and who wants to put together party bags etc for a bunch of kids who might not even show up. I think it's so rude, maybe I'm in the minority there.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 28/12/2012 06:39

no, tryingto means replying by the date for RSVP (if there is one) not the day of the party

did you give them a date by which to reply?

Ladymuck · 28/12/2012 06:47

But what normally happens for birthday parties amongst this group of children? Do lots usually turn up? Surely that will give you some sort of indication?

PorridgeBrain · 28/12/2012 07:24

A few suggestions for future reference:

  • don't send replies 2 days before Xmas (people are too focused on other things)
  • give more than 2 weeks notice ESP for a party that is just after a holiday period
  • always put an RSVP date

Hope you get some replies over the next few days and dd has a lovely party

Original poster
monkeynuts123 · 28/12/2012 07:24

Ladymuck Apparently nobody rsvps and then most turn up, strange lot! I think cos it's a funny time of year I'm especially worried nobody will come. Also I'm fairly literal, if nobody says they're coming I'd assume nobody is coming....Grrr.

OP posts:
dishwashervodkaanddietirnbru · 28/12/2012 07:47

Not everyone has access to email. I would send a reminder with your mobile number on and ask them to RSVP by phone or text.

mungojerrie · 28/12/2012 07:57

I think you still have a few days after new year before you need to make a decision. For my dd 3rd bday this summer we invited a handful of nursery friends - some did not RSVP (and I asked for RSVP by text, put my number on!) and these did not come. I'd be surprised if anyone did turn up without RSVP so would prob cancel if a reminder doesnt produce any answers!

StairsInTheNight · 28/12/2012 07:58

Asking for rspv by text is better. its a tricky time as i presume nursery is shut for school holidays and you cant chase in person? Are you back at nursery before party? Do you have any way of contacting the invited?

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