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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to make her a dress?

49 replies

StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 21:06

I sew as a hobby. It's something I'm really quite good at by now and I really enjoy stuff like couture techniques and luxury fabrics.

DH's aunt, who lives overseas, has been pestering me to make her a dress for quite a while now. We recently learned that her son (DH's cousin) is getting married in summer. Yesterday night, DH's aunt phoned DH again and asked him(!) if I would make her a dress for the wedding. DH, being a bit of a wimp when it comes to saying no, naturally promised her I would.

The thing is: I really do not want to! I sew for myself. It's what I do to counterbalance my very intellectually demanding job. I love the feel of fabrics between my fingers. I love how a perfect fit and the right choice of materials and techniques make even a simple cut look like a million dollar piece. I love spending hours finishing hems by hand and sewing individual beads to a neckline. But I love it because there is no pressure, no deadline to meet and noone to tell me that this does not go with that and shouldn't the neckline go a little higher.

I'm absolutely not into the idea of spending hours and hours on something which needs to be finished in time and probably won't fit in the end (seeing as she is not going to be around to try it on). It's not fun.

I'm also not into the style DH's aunt prefers. And I'm especially not into the idea that people guilt trip DH into promising stuff realising full well that I've successfully wiggled my way out of it on several occasions.

DH says he's sorry that he let himself be manipulated into this. However, he also thinks that now that he's promised I should make her a dress.

AIBU to make him call her and tell her my spare time is not available first-come-first-served?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 27/12/2012 21:08

YANBU

did she even mention paying you?!

MushroomSoup · 27/12/2012 21:14

I also dress make (for myself) and I would never, ever, ever want the stress of making something for someone else, whether they paid me or not.
Just apologise to her for DH's 'mistake' and say you don't make items for other people as you're not good under stress or with deadlines - it's just a hobby. That's how I get round it!!

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 21:18

Just send a lovely email saying you appreciate her interest but you are just an amateur, it's a hobby, and you would hate to ruin the fabric she provides

evil grin

Purple2012 · 27/12/2012 21:19

YANBU. I make cakes, as a little hobby. I make amazing themed cakes for family and friends as gifts. Theres no pressure. I have done a couple for money when asked but i didnt enjoy doing them. I found it too much pressure to make them perfect. But when i make them as gifts the pressure is off.

Can you ring her and tell her that DH was wrong to say you would do it and that you simply dont have the time to make one that you would be happy is good enough for her to wear.

MammaTJ · 27/12/2012 21:20

Too stressful. I am the same, a hobby sewer who is good. I only want to do things that appeal to me, that is what makes it a hobby!!

Tell her you are sorry for DHs mistaken thinking that you were able to do this but you aren't. She has plenty of time to get an outfit sorted. It will probably take her a lot less time to buy one than it would for you to make one!!

If DH is still insistant, he can bloody well do it!!

dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 21:22

YANBU

MammaTJ · 27/12/2012 21:23

Purple cake making and decorating is also a hobby for me, but I do do it for friends and family. Pics on profile if you want a look.

I do sew for friends and family, BUT it has to be stuff I know I want to do and am capable of doing. I have altered a number of wedding dresses and posh frocks, but have loved the fabrics I was working with and enjoyed the challenge!

StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 21:23

No, she did not offer to pay for it.

The thing with DH's family is that some of them have a bit of a habit of expecting expensive gifts from us because we both have good jobs and live in Europe. There's also the fact that my own family are quite well off and they know this.

PIL are generally really good about this - but DH's aunts and uncles have a really annoying thing for giving us cheap plastic tat as and then asking for really expensive stuff in return "because they gave us a gift too". E.g. SIL asked for some £500 worth of MAC makeup last summer (didn't get it, I put my foot down).

Mushroom this is exactly how I used to get out of stuff like this. Which I strongly suspect is the reason for the request being made to DH this time, ... Angry

OP posts:
StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 21:24

Love the idea of DH sewing it, BTW. I'm sure she'll look brilliant in the bin liner he'll produce!

OP posts:
ChaoticforlifenotjustChristmas · 27/12/2012 21:25

YANBU

Your DH is going to have to find a backbone wrt his family.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 27/12/2012 21:25

Contact her and tell her that your husband was wrong to commit you tothis and it won't be possible.
If he's embarrassed by this, then tough.
Either that or contact her and say yes, you'd love to. And you'll get started as soon as the eight hundred quid you'll need for materials and your time is in your account Grin

CwtchesAndCuddles · 27/12/2012 21:25

I also sew as a hobby and enjoyed making my wedding dress but I will not make something for anyone else. Too much stress!!!

Use the fact that she lives overseas as one of the reasons you can't do it - fittings etc. Blame DH - say he didn't realise what was envolved when he told her it was something you would do.

jessjessjess · 27/12/2012 21:29

Don't make him call her but do a) tell her no and b) have strong words with him.

DPotter · 27/12/2012 21:33

Too much stress is right - especially as it's for a wedding! When ever I've been persuaded to make something for someone it always goes wrong. recently took 5 attempts to make an commission - disaster Darling. Drop her a line / email - sorry DH doesn't understand the complexities and I'm not up to the task so letting you know I can't help. You could put her in touch with someone else who might be willing...........

maras2 · 27/12/2012 21:37

You are so not being unreasonable,cheeky mare.I hate it when people think that they can infringe on a hobby.Someone I used to know when I was a student,found out that my then boyfriend,now my DH.was an artist and kept on asking < and bloody asking > him to paint her a copy of 'The Haywain' by Constable.Can't remember how I shut her up but I haven't heard from her since 1972.I think that the F off word may have helped.:)

StackOverflow · 27/12/2012 21:40

Have e-mailed her saying something along the lines of what most of you suggested, i.e. DH doesn't quite understand the time/fitting/fabric/etc. requirements and I'm just a poor old amateur who can't cope.

She hasn't replied to my e-mail but has predictably gone into full emotional blackmail mode: some 2 minutes later I find some BS along the lines of "a real woman always puts family first" posted on my FB wall.

I'm going to strangle DH! GRR!

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 27/12/2012 21:43

Ha ha ha!
Put 'real women have unruly pubic and facial hair' on her FB!

FelicityWasSanta · 27/12/2012 21:44

Rise above! That kind of emotional blackmail is beyond rude!

RandomMess · 27/12/2012 21:47

FGS what a child she is.

Buy her some sewing books and material for her next gift Grin

MagicHouse · 27/12/2012 21:48

LOL at the FB comment! Tick that you "like" it, and add some jovial little comment like "couldn't agree more! 2013 is the year dh and I are going to spend more time together! Happy New Year, hope it's a good one for you :-D"

BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/12/2012 21:50

nice one, Magic, that's perfect

MadamFolly · 27/12/2012 21:51

Great Magic!

MurderOfGoths · 27/12/2012 21:52

Wow, some people are grasping aren't they?! YANBU and your DH is a wuss for giving in to her.

dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 21:52

Go with Magic's reply :)

RandomMess · 27/12/2012 21:56

Love it Magic Grin