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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my Dad to stop shouting at deaf DD?

66 replies

meMillyme · 27/12/2012 14:57

My DD (5) is profoundly deaf. She lip reads and signs and her speech is excellent.

My Dad has a terrible habit of bellowing everything at her at the top of his voice in a very precise and clear way. He is fully aware that she can hear quite literally nothing but still insists on doing it.

I've said to him several times that there is no need to do it and he will strain his voice, but he won't stop. It's uncomfortable for everyone else to listen to him shouting his head off all the time (did it yesterday at the panto!)

AIBU to have a serious talk about this with him?

OP posts:
NeonFlapjacks · 27/12/2012 21:39

Yes, and they're free. Just had a look on their website and next one is end of January but its in Scotland. In fact I'm just wondering if its only Scotland (we're in Scotland). Might be worth phoning the helpline if you're not within easy reach of here.

NeonFlapjacks · 27/12/2012 21:42

She's a fair bit older and implanted so a bit different but generally tells her to stop shouting or ignores her Grin. She knows its just how granny talks ( she also has a very strong local accent/dialect so DD doesn't understand her most of the time anyway!). Aalso have a younger DS also deaf and it doesn't seem to bother him.

Original poster
meMillyme · 27/12/2012 21:47

Ah we're in the midland so quite a journey. Maybe I could book him and my Mum a weekend up there as they love Scotland. Sounds like your DD has the right idea Grin

My DD doesn't seem to notice either. We have seven year old twin boys who are not hearing impaired, they think his shouting is hilarious!

OP posts:
NeonFlapjacks · 27/12/2012 21:49

Gotta love seven year old boys! Sign course is also a great idea if you can't get to NDCS event.

Original poster
meMillyme · 27/12/2012 21:52

Yes I'll look into that too. DH and I just Leary to sign through a course at our local college but I think they could do with being able to ask more questions.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/12/2012 21:55

Can you get your boys to say "why are you shouting Grandad?" everytime in that way 7 year old boys can only ask? Grin

NeonFlapjacks · 27/12/2012 21:56

Yes, sounds like he maybe needs to find out things for himself. As I said my mum has always been great but she was worried in the early days - about me as much as about DD - and wouldn't talk to me about that as she felt I had enough to deal with. She was able to find out how to support me to support DC, if that makes sense.

NeonFlapjacks · 27/12/2012 21:57

Also a good idea, Random!

Original poster
meMillyme · 27/12/2012 22:03

I know what you mean Neon, my parents probably feel the same.

Yes great idea random!

OP posts:
Bobyan · 27/12/2012 22:05

You're a better person than me OP, I'd go ballistic if anyone dared to refer to someone deaf (especially my child) as "poorly".

Original poster
meMillyme · 27/12/2012 22:10

He says if about any child or adult with any form of sn Angry

He's the sort of person who goes ballistic when criticised.

OP posts:
peaceandlovebunny · 27/12/2012 22:15

i think there must be training courses... i was signing in at a hotel once, and mentioned to the receptionist that i'm hard of hearing. she immediately went into helpful mode, spoke clearly (but not loudly) looking directly at me and forming each word carefully but not in a mocking way... it was such a relief. she said she'd been taught how to do it. i should have asked where.

MaryChristmaZEverybody · 27/12/2012 22:16

See, if he loves her, that is the most important thing.

I know grandparents who really don't love their grandchildren with SN. They only take notice of the "normal" Hmm grandchildren. Which I think is unforgiveable, and not excused by their background, age and generational values.

If he loves her, and she knows it, she will make allowances for his foibles. And in time she will tell him.

I think, in the greater scheme of things, him trying desperately to communicate with her isn't a bad thing, even though he is going a strange way about it.

My parents are in their 80s. And are fantastic with ds1 who has Asperger's. But they would both happily chop off their right arms if they could make him not have it. It isn't that they are ashamed, it's just that in their lives, children like ds would have been locked away, so he was their first experience of a child who was different. They struggled to accept it, they wanted to "fix" him, out of love, not judgement. And I could be resentful and bitter about their attitude, but I have chosen to accept that they love him and want the very best for him, so I bite my lip if they criticise me, or him, and know that they do it out of concern (and a little bit of ignorance and rose-tinted glasses-ness), not to be critical.

If that makes sense?

PumpkinPositive · 27/12/2012 22:24

Ndcs do information events throughout the year. They have a few workshops for parents (or presumably grandparents) with deaf children coming up in Bristol. First one is in January.

PumpkinPositive · 27/12/2012 22:26

He says if about any child or adult with any form of sn

He's the sort of person who goes ballistic when criticised.

Would he be amenable to some kind of deaf awareness/communication tactics training?

sashh · 28/12/2012 00:02

You dh, and dss could start shouting at him.

Talk to everyone else normally (or sign) but when you talk to him shout - he will get the message.

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