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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I would rather my daughter be promiscuous than be like this.

61 replies

mrsspankythechristmaspoo · 27/12/2012 10:12

If you have the time to watch the whole doc it's very interesting, but at the same time Shock I was watching with my oh and I said if i had daughters i'd rather them do what 'normal teenagers' do and have boyfriends/ experiment. My oh was a bit Hmm and Shock that I would rather have a knocked up teen than a 'pure' one

AIBU?

OP posts:
Theicingontop · 27/12/2012 10:16

YANBU.

No problem with remaining a virgin until marriage/serious partner, their choice, whatever. But I cannot get past the sense of ownership these fathers seem to have over their daughters, like they're property. And how the daughters seem to be enamored by them. It's very strange.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 27/12/2012 10:17

I think any extreme in life is unsettling.

That is giving me the creeps so I cant watch it.

However, saving oneself for the right man or woman isnt a bad message to put across. Im just not sure it needs to be linked to marriage.

DamnBamboo · 27/12/2012 10:17

I've seen four minutes and from what I can see it's oppresive and abusive.
But OP you are being unreasonable, there is middle ground here and if you were doing your job as a parent, why on earth would they become 'knocked up'

ginmakesitallok · 27/12/2012 10:24

I think that the relationship these girls have with their fathers is odd. And I don't think the alternative to purity is getting'knocked up'

Original poster
mrsspankythechristmaspoo · 27/12/2012 10:26

I'm talking about worst case scenario, if they become pregnant. But then again, I can think of worse situations than an unwanted pregnancy from reckless promiscuity

OP posts:
SnowProbs · 27/12/2012 10:27

Havent watched the whole clip, but I agree - its creepy and I would rather my DD was able to express her sexuality in whatever way she chooses, hopefully safely and with respect for herself. This alternativenis just a grim subjugation of women.

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 10:35

1 in 6 girls attend a purity course - yet it's seen as controversial? Hardly.

Americans are much more religious than we are, quite radical in some states, this is just an extension of that.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 27/12/2012 10:37

Just because something is common or widespread doesnt make it any less controversial or wrong.

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 10:37

If it is wides spread/common then it is mainstream - so it isn't controversial.

DamnBamboo · 27/12/2012 10:39

Of course something mainstream can be controversial! Hmm

It's mainstream behaviour to persecute gays in many countries, are you saying this is not controversial holly

WitchOfEndor · 27/12/2012 10:43

I watched about 5 minutes. Had to laugh at the Dad who thought it would be 'so cool' for his daughter to only kiss one man, but admitted that wasn't the path he went down. There is nothing wrong with fathers installing a sense of worth in their children but why only fathers, why not mothers, or why not fathers and sons ( or do they do that too but the ceremony is less dancing, more shooting deer?) is there no emphasis on their sons to remain pure and respect women? Also had to laugh at having children as young as 5 along to watch so that it appealed to their 'intrinsic souls', erm you mean their desire to dress like princesses and dance round a ballroom? Their wish to please their parents? At what age do they have to sign the covenant? Do they actually understand the implications of what they are signing? All too heavy handed and faintly distasteful for me.

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 10:51

I was trying to avoid the gay comparison so as not to turn the tread

I'll rephrase - it is mainstream in the USA, which has a far more moral code than we have at this moment. I'm sure the purity rings etc will find their way over here, most American clap trap gets imported one way or another.

Morality is closely tied to the/a/any church/religious belief. 60% of Americans attend church. 5% of the Uk attends church.

disclaimer< I'm using church as an all encompasing world rather than list mosque, synagoge, temple and so forth.

DamnBamboo · 27/12/2012 10:52

Oh dear holly, oh dear!

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 10:55

bamboo actually I'm smirking at how ill I put that as well.

Would have been better with outwardly go hand in hand - a lot of chuirch attendance is often a veneer.

But I stand by that a large proportion of Americans are hell-fire Baptist types (who frighten the shit outta me with their radical views) Grin

Thisisaeuphemism · 27/12/2012 10:57

People are weird about their daughters and sex. Its bizarre. There's nothing wrong with them having sex with lots of different people, as long as its not under pressure and its safe, and once they've left home of course.

Pantomimedam · 27/12/2012 10:58

Americans are more into religious observance than the British, it's true.

IMO this is soooo creepy. It harks back to the days - not that long ago - when a father owned his daughter and passed that right of possession along to the bridegroom on the wedding day. Very good questions asked on this thread about the role of mothers and sons - does it not matter if young men shag around, only young women?

strumpetpumpkin · 27/12/2012 10:59

i dont like it, although i do think that a strong relationship between father and daughter is really good for girls self esteem, but i think its way too much here. creepy.

ReindeerBollocks · 27/12/2012 11:02

Personally I intend to raise my daughter to have high self esteem and respect for her own body. I wouldn't like for her to be 'knocked up' or like those daughters in the link, at 16.

I would wish my daughter to be comfortable, and confident with herself, so that any choices she makes are wholly hers and not down to peer pressure or the pressures of her family.

I also want her to be secure in the knowledge that I will support her and not judge her decisions so that she can always talk to me. I am not saying that she won't fall foul to some peer pressure but being able to access support will hopefully lessen the likelihood that she would be so keen to impress her friends that she would put herself into situations she was not comfortable with.

mrsjay · 27/12/2012 11:02

. And I don't think the alternative to purity is getting'knocked up'

this my own dd has been with her boyfriend years and isn't'knocked up'

tbh any sort of extreme parenting and patriachy ( sp) disturbs me

Original poster
mrsspankythechristmaspoo · 27/12/2012 11:05

If anyone has the time to watch about 15 mins in there is an extremely brainwashed little girl taking about someone who has multiple partners 'giving little pieces of their heart away' so that 'when it comes to marriage
'you wont have a full heart to give away' It's a shame because every young girl on there is clearly just reciting what their parents have told them.

Oh and apparently, sex with others before marriage is adultery Hmm

OP posts:
pigletmania · 27/12/2012 11:10

Yabvvvu they are two extremes. There is a middle ground.

HollyBerryBush · 27/12/2012 11:13

sex with others before marriage is adultery

In some bibles (coz bibles are adapted depending which branch of faith, and in the Q'uran) it is adultery, Torah too..

Oddly, the 'piece of your heart' thing - I had an American BF 30 years ago and he used to say "when you kiss someone you own a piece of them" and as they say, and ex is an ex for a reason!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 27/12/2012 11:14

What I find very Hmm is the emphasis on daughters. Why not sons? Are sons not encouraged to remain pure? Or are they still expected to sow their wild oats?
Double standards anyone?

insancerre · 27/12/2012 11:18

Some Americans are very weird. I'm sure they do see their children as their possessions.
They haven't ratified the UN convention on the rights of the child. Probably because they don't believe that children do have their own rights over those of their parents.

insancerre · 27/12/2012 11:21

very scary reading