ExFiance, I am unbelievably hurt.

[CanAnyoneHearMe]

ExF, ended the relationship 4 weeks ago.

I am devastated and I want him back more than anything.

But...

I have text him a countless number of times asking when he wants to see DS.

I text him Saturday morning asking when he wanted to see DS over Christmas, I have heard nothing. Not one text, Phone call, Present or card.

I have had members of his family come round my house dropping presents off for my DS but I have heard nothing from him.

He is keeping the child benefit from us and is not paying any maintenance.

My DM is telling me to stop texting and let him ask to see DS as I am getting very stressed about the situation and I am also pregnant with his child that he told me to abort when we planned the baby 2 weeks before he left us.

AIBU to stop texting to try to sort things out?

I still love him, More than anything but I really am unbelievably hurt at the moment

[scaevola]

I agree with the posters who say that he is not going to respond to texts in which you beg and plead.

You do need to sort out the basic admin of life as a lone parent. You need the CB transferred to you asap (you need the NI credit as well as the money). You need to work out where you will live long-term, and how you will afford it.

He should, of course, be paying regular child maintenance. Have you even begun to discuss this?

You will still be in shock after only 4 weeks, but his actions show he has no interest in you and little attentiveness to either DC. I think you need a few more weeks to process your emotions and come to terms with the fact that he really has left. And you must work out what life is go into be like in your new single parent family.

He won't come back in response to needy pleading. He might be significantly wrong-footed and wonder if he's made a huge mistake if you are seen to be getting on with a better life, recover your balance and happiness; and act competently and firmly over establishing his responsibilities (financial/availability) to his DCs.

[FrustratedSycamoreSnowflake]

You need to sort out your finances. This should be your priority rather than exf.

[Theicingontop]

Sorry to hear you're still hurting so badly.

You need to get in touch with CSA now, and force this man to be financially responsible for his children. It really needs to be now.

He is a coward. He is an uncaring dick.

I get that he might be wary of seeing you, knowing how much you want him back, but surely he could have arranged to see his child without seeing you. Didn't even go as far as to suggest it did he?

[jingleallthespringy]

You sound addicted to him (hence the terrible pain and craving). Cold turkey is the only way - he is not interested at all and is, anyway, a total shit by the sound of it. When you wake up from this nightmare you'll realise that. As long as you beg and plead he will give you a wide berth - he has made it very clear he isn't interested. Are you only haranguing him to see his child so you can see him too? It sounds like it. YOu are all better off without him, I hope you see that very soon. I'm sorry you are in so much pain.

[Thumbwitch]

God above, you don't want to annoy him?? Why, because you think that somehow you've "done something wrong" and that's why he's fucked off and left you?
Balls.
He's told you why he's gone; he's probably got someone else on the go already and even if he hasn't, there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO to "make him love you" again (if he ever really did).

So fuck not annoying him - get your CB and finances sorted, and stop texting the wanker. I feel so so sad for your DS, and your unborn baby - what an uncaring knob their father is.

[whethergirl]

jingleallthespringy is right, I was in the same situation as you 7 years ago, and when I was forced to go cold turkey, then one day I just saw it all for what it all was - and I wasted so much time and energy on him when I should have just focused on my pg. Honestly, I thought I loved ex dp and couldn't bear to be without him. I just cringe when I think about it now, I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. Please stop putting yourself in a vulnerable position, you will feel differently one day, when you wake up and realise what an unloveable prick he really is.

Don't forget that your hormones are probably also making you feel quite needy at the moment. I felt the same. If you find it hard to hate him for the way he is treating you, hate him for how he is treating your dc. How could he not make the effort with your ds? Not want to see him or provide for him? Does your ds deserve to be treated like this?

[HollyBerryBush]

I don't even see why CB was paid to him - it was designed, back in the day, to allow mothers to have access to money to ensure children didn't go without.