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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why some people couldn't be grateful for what they had?

37 replies

ilovesooty · 26/12/2012 23:33

Many posters complained about their presents, or their families, or the way their children behaved. The fact is: you had people around you to spend Christmas with. I drove 100 miles plus on Christmas Eve after work and stayed in a hotel to see my mother in her care home on Christmas Day. My sister who lives 15 miles away went to see her on Christmas Eve (cop out) and didn't invite me for Christmas dinner. I drove back on Christmas afternoon and didn't get a Christmas meal at all.

However, I had a lovely evening by myself, spent today with friends (that was my Christmas) and I know that many others will have been worse off. AIBU to think that many people are complaining about trivial things?

OP posts:

wannabedomesticgoddess · 26/12/2012 23:41

Wont anyone think of the children in africa?

Im sorry to hear that your mother is in a care home and that your sister didnt invite you for xmas dinner.

But everyones problems are their problems regardless of how bad others lives are. So YAB a little U.

AgentZigzagHasABigYuleLog · 26/12/2012 23:41

Sorry you had such a shit (but ultimately contented) time of it.

Of course people are going to complain about trivial things - look, you haven't seen the fucking moccasins my PIL gave me I'm really not a moccasins person.

But then it's the bit behind it which people are really posting about, i.e. that my PIL know me so little after 12 years that they thought I would love them.

People come on to chat, some are bored, some lonely, others angry, they just want to know they're not on their own, especially at a time when social get togethers are the norm.

If there was a scale of importance with things you can/can't talk about on here, it'd be seriously quiet.

Original poster

ilovesooty · 26/12/2012 23:45

But everyones problems are their problems regardless of how bad others lives are. So YAB a little U

Thanks - I take your point. I just think that those who have family around them do at least have something at Christmas those who are alone don't have. I do appreciate that people do have their own problems though.

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 26/12/2012 23:46

(a) People enjoy moaning; it's a national past time.

(b) people enjoy the drama of playing it all out in public

Original poster

ilovesooty · 26/12/2012 23:48

People come on to chat, some are bored, some lonely, others angry, they just want to know they're not on their own, especially at a time when social get togethers are the norm

Absolutely - I agree. I suppose I'm feeling that it would have been nice to be part of a family at Christmas, however shit it was.

OP posts:

teacherandguideleader · 26/12/2012 23:49

I think you are completely right. I grew up in a bit of a bubble but have recently started working in a school where reality is very different. It made me feel sad on Christmas Day when I thought of the children in my class who won't have a Christmas because they have nothing and their families don't care about them. A little lad brought me a box of chocs from the 99p store - in years gone by I may have turned my nose up but not now - it was so lovely to be thought of by a family who barely have anything.

My dad bought me a couple of odd presents and I confess I got a little upset - not because I was annoyed I hadn't got anything good/expensive but because it highlighted how little he knows me (huge back story). However I won't say anything to him, I thanked him but will take them to a refuge or similar where someone might use them.

Original poster

ilovesooty · 26/12/2012 23:51

teacher I used to work in a school and I remember children who had nothing at Christmas. It was awful when they came back to school in January.

OP posts:

greencolorpack · 26/12/2012 23:52

I like reading threads about people's problems, it makes me think, gosh, my life's not so bad.

Gives one a sense of perspective.

You could read the threads and think "family life ain't all that.". If I were you that would cheer me up.

I drove my sister for two hours back home, I arrived knackered at tea time, her husband said "we don't have any food in" looking at me in horror and disgust at the possibility I might expect a meal after a long drive. He didn't say thanks for looking after my wife for five days, he didn't say you poor thing having to drive all this way. Just "we don't have any food in!" so I can relate to the rubbish unfriendly sister situation.

Devora · 26/12/2012 23:53

Well, I enjoyed Christmas so am not part of the moaning brigade. And I'm pretty lucky with my family.

However, I do have to disagree when you say that however shit a family, it's better to be with them than alone. Being alone is a way better option than being embroiled in some dysfunctional family set-ups.

But I'm sorry your Christmas wasn't great, I truly am.

WorraLorraTurkey · 26/12/2012 23:55

See now you're one person I'd definitely love to invite for Christmas dinner sooty cos we'd end up putting the world to rights and totally agreeing with each other till the early hours of the morning pissed on wine

If your Sister didn't invite you, that's definitely her loss.

I'm glad you spent today with friends and enjoyed yourself...what's an extra day to wait for 'your' Christmas?

And yes I agree, some threads have stretched my "Calm down Worra, it's only a chat forum" patience to the limits

teacherandguideleader · 26/12/2012 23:57

ilovesooty - it really opens your eyes doesn't it. I worked in a fairly well off area before and the last couple of weeks of term were always fab and exciting. It was quite a shock this year seeing teenage boys crumbling in those last few days as they did not know when they would get fed over the next 2 weeks :(

Original poster

ilovesooty · 26/12/2012 23:57

Thanks greencolorpack I suppose I am a bit upset because I didn't get an invitation from my sister. Last year I went away (the first time in over 20 years I haven't taken responsibility for my mum on Christmas Day). I went because Christmas Eve was on a Saturday. My sister said: "You might as well: it's not as if you have anywhere else to go".

I suppose I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself: forgive me.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 26/12/2012 23:57

ilovesooty you can have my BIL if you want a family for Christmas ,I'd even pay you to take him! I'm pretty sure you'd send him back quite quickly.

Original poster

ilovesooty · 27/12/2012 00:00

Thanks Worra - I'd love to spend Christmas with you too!

teacher - I agree. We had some awful meltdowns from pupils who had nothing at Christmas. I work with offenders now and many of them are in the same situation.

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RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles · 27/12/2012 00:01

I was made to cry about my personal situation. And told despite my disabilities I should work. And that I am basically a sponger. By my step dad and brother, who are family and should essentially be supportive of me. It was tough for me to manage the trip, never mind manage their behaviour, so I reserve the right to moan about that.

Plus I never got to see either of my children, and there was a thread on here that made me feel awful about the fact that I wanted pictures of their whole experience on Facebook so I didn't completely miss out. And cried again.

I am sorry that you had a rubbish time of it too, but mine was pretty crap as well and I have moaned to get it off my chest.

manicbmc · 27/12/2012 00:01

The best way to have a good Christmas is to avoid twats, whether they are family or not and not to expect it all to be roses.

I've had a lovely Christmas btw. Not flash. The ex pissed me right off but that's his loss. But it was all pretty simple with me, dp and dd. I don't miss the drama and arguments of Christmas with the ex and his mother.

Original poster

ilovesooty · 27/12/2012 00:03

Sorry to hear that Rabbit. My mum was pretty horrible to me when I went to see her too. Hope you're feeling better now.

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SuoceraBlues · 27/12/2012 00:15

I've spent most of Xmas in ambulances, in hospitals and being told MIL is probably going to die. I still think it is entirely normal for people to vent about less dramatic "things going wrong at Xmas" stuff though. Plus have found many of the "not a huge problem in the grand scheme of things, but can totally see why the woman is hacked off" threads a fab distraction during hours of being stuck in waiting rooms with no news. It's not like I spent my life resolutely being cheerful in the face of every disappointment or small hurt so I could properly appreciate the crapness of The Grim Reaper mixed with Terrifying Italian Ambulance Drivers at Christmas time. And which ever way this ends I'm sure you'll see me in the future have a good vent over something no way near as "valid camplaining material".

If there is competition to see who is allowed to complain you end up with one person in the whole world who wins and gets dibs on complaining. Everybody else then feels obliged to bottle things up and seethe for a few days/weeks/months instead of getting it out of their system and then carrying on with stuff, cos they feel like a boil just got popped and relief achieved.

Having a good complain about non tragic stuff is perfectly acceptable and probably good for allowing people to rub alone together mostly grudge free, (just as long as it doesn't become a defualt setting for each and every teeny tiny miniscule raindrop that ever falls on ones head.)

Original poster

ilovesooty · 27/12/2012 00:18

SuoceraBlue

I hope your MIL pulls through.

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 27/12/2012 00:29

Complaining is therapeutic. You can even sing about it:

SuoceraBlues · 27/12/2012 00:31

I hope your MIL pulls through

That's very kind of you, thank you.

I'm sorry your mum wasn't nice to you when you went to see her. I have some small understanding of how painful that can be, but it has to be so much more hurtful when it's your own mum

Original poster

ilovesooty · 27/12/2012 00:55

Thanks: she has dementia - not bad enough not to know who we are but bad enough to be horribly rude if the mood takes her.

OP posts:

Mollydoggerson · 27/12/2012 01:08

I nursed my father through renal failure and delirium until he got dialysis on Christmas Eve, post dialysis he suffered a cardiac arrest and had cpr for 10-15 mins before coming back to life, we were then told he might die on Christmas day. He is still with us and is tentatively rallying. So it's good he is still alive and with us and we have hope. It's surreal to write it all down. It'll be a Christmas to remember. Do I win a medal for the most dramatic Christmas? (joke).

Who gives a damn about presents (well I suppose we all do - but only when the shit is not hitting the fan).

SuoceraBlues · 27/12/2012 01:11

I only found out about that aspect of demensia in July. MIL has bipolar and when in mania can be horribly rude to people. Took her to the emergency room for an injury and had a heck of time trying to explain it was bipolar not demensia, and then found out that all the confusion was becuase the way she was acting was almost indistinguisable from somebody at a certain stage of demensia.

I found it so sad. With MIL the episodes are and always have been part of the package, so we are used to it and there is no sense of having "lost" her. But to have somebody you have known for a lifetime to change that way...must be heartbreaking. I'm so sorry love. I really hope you see her on a good day very soon.

Mollydoggerson · 27/12/2012 01:19

Ilovesooty, my poor Dad also had horrible confusion and increasing delerium for the last few weeks and it has been sad at times. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Thankfully you got some joy out of the holidays by spending time with your friends. Life is what we all make it and God knows it is short.

My new motto is, I'm here for a good time, not a long time, so we have to enjoy it.

Take care x

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