Ethical goat gifts for Christmas

[redwellybluewelly]

I've only been on MN a year or so therefore shall offer apologies in advance if this is a well worn topic

DH, DD, and I were given the gift of a herd of goats in africa this christmas by a relative. Part of me thinks this is a great idea, part of me thinks this is someone making the point that they think we are materialistic and have everything we need and the money should be given to the more deserving.

This is mostly driven by the fact the giver of the goats gave the rest of the extended family ethical gifts (as we do too when the recipient likes them) of soap, food and pretty things. We got goats.

The goat giver has in the past made it clear that they think we live a wasteful life. We live within our means but we do recycle and try hard to live a low impact life

bandersnatch I did say upthread I think that buying education opportunities is a great idea and would have been quite happy with that.

But goats. Really?!

As a fully salaried member of the Christmas Police, I hereby charge your relative with a Violation of the Code.

They bought you a gift which made them feel good about themselves, without any thought as to how you might feel. That's not the point of Christmas, or of giving any kind of gift.

Redwellybluewelly

The "goats" thing is just a device to allow people to make a charitable donation into a gift. I think you said it is an Oxfam "goat" right? In that case, as the small print says, the money has gone to livestock projects that may or may not involve goats.

Oxfam also operates education projects. If you feel better just think of it as a general donation - your Xmas present for livestock projects (which for some reason you don't think should get aid) freed up money to be spent in other areas (such as education - which you do think should get aid).

I'd be pissed off if this had happened to me. It's not giving me a present, it's giving money to charity instead of giving me a present. If I want that to be the case, I'll tell people.

Agree, if this person wants to be charitable how about they request charity gifts instead of their own presents.

It's not that bad.

I got one once and I really liked it. Not just saying that. I have TONS of stuff and don't particularly want more stuff, so a token is nice. It doesn't make me feel smug, it doesn't make me feel like I've done something good, I just feel happy they thought of me and move on............

This thread is unbelievable. It is a gift. We expect so bloody much in the way of presents. I hope you're not clueing in your DCs as to how you feel about it...

The person who gave me the goat was not a show offy, smug, hypocritical, whatever she was my best friend and knew me well.

As for being "pissed off" if you got a present you didn't particularly like- jesus christ. Seriously take a step back and listen to yourselves.

But that's the thing quirrel, it's not really a gift at all is it?

Even if it's not, it doesn't show much goodwill or politeness to be so upset about it. So okay, OP didn't get a gift. She absolutely MUST retaliate in kind and get all het up about it? I'm just saying, I think you guys need to get some perspective.

Actually the OP is quite mildly worded but I'm really surprised that there's a whole thread of people saying that it's crap and rubbish and all the rest of it.

It's the pretence of charity "gifts" that upsets people. They are not a gift to the pretend recipient in any recognisable interpretation of the word gift. They are a gift to someone else.
If a friend or relative of mine wants to stop buying me gifts and buy someone else gifts instead or give the money to charity then I am happy for them to discuss this with me so we can stop exchanging gifts. I don't want them to pretend they are giving me something when they aren't though.

I gave my MIL a year's sponsorship of a seagull one year after she told us she had given us some sponsored animal. Can you tell I'm not crazy about her
This made me laugh, sorry . I need to know what was the sponsorship of a seagull for?

Wants to know what redwelly's dh is planning.

I don't think people who are chipping in to say that you shouldn't get het up about charity gifts haven't read the OP's posts.

I can see why it rankles that you have 1) thought about what goat giver wants 2) shopped for it in Christmas shopping hell and 3) taken time to wrap it. All they do is go online and fill in a form, print out certificate and bingo! Instant 'gift' with no need to trouble yourself with thought and effort for the recipient.

It is hypocritical to give charity gifts and accept material gifts. I don't like obligation gift giving so instead tell people not to buy for me and only buy as I want to buy for people. Reciprocal gift giving is sheer hard work and needlessly expensive.

My mum gave me a charity donkey last year but she did get me other things too. He lives at a donkey sanctuary in England somewhere. If anyone knows where I'm talking about his name is Mr Crusty.

I want an unethical goat. One that borrows money with no intention of paying it back and spends it on gambling and drink.

Dubjackeen we support a small wildlife sanctuary & hospital. They take in hedgehogs, owls, baby squirrels etc & feed them until they can be released. I just happened to think a seagull's rehabilitation was the best present for my mil that year.

She buys presents for her grandchildren but not for us, we buy her presents.

LOL Narked :)

Himalaya : Oxfam also operates education projects. If you feel better just think of it as a general donation - your Xmas present for livestock projects (which for some reason you don't think should get aid) freed up money to be spent in other areas (such as education - which you do think should get aid).
^ ^ this
I worked for an international development charity for years. Thankfully lots of people bought gifts like this for Christmas.
Maybe their relatives went on websites to complain but I'm glad they bought them.
Small sums of money can make a massive difference overseas and having seen families having a steady income for the first time, being able to feed their children and afford to send them to school, I'm a bit tbh that anyone could be complaining about it. Who cares who gets to polish their halo when the gifts make a genuine difference to people's lives?!

I have no issue with the idea of buying a charity gift.

I do have an issue with someone who choose to receive material possessions but to gift charity especially when there is a back story.

And as I also said I support local very worthwhile charities on a regular basis. And I would have no issue at all if I had been asked or enquiries made in advance.

I don't think anyone is arguing that charities like Oxfam can make a difference to people's lives. If people want to give money to charities at xmas time I think that's great and it sounds as though many of us do that.
A donation to Oxfam is NOT a gift for me though, it's a donation to Oxfam. I'm not sure why some people want to pretend their charity donations are gifts for uninvolved 3rd parties.
It's all a bit Emperor's new clothes for me, with the puzzled "recipient" feeling embarassed to point out that they haven't actually received anything.

But the thing is if you are a grown-up, and not living on the breadline a £20 gift is really just just a token. Someone buys you a some gloves or smellies or a book or whatever it is very nice, but you could also go out and buy those things for yourself. It's not like when you're a kid and you really really want that dolls house for Xmas (or whatever).

OP it sounds like you don't much like the gifter and suspect they don't much like you. Is that really the issue? I guess if you are buying gifts for someone you don't like, then getting a good gift in return becomes more important. Maybe the gifter has done you a favour though - next year make a donation in their name to a charity of your choice and stop exchanging material gifts with them.

I think this thread shows that a lot of adults revert to childish longings for "stuff!" when Christmas is on the horizon.

There's a very funny bit in Outnumbered where Karen tries to get her head around the idea of how a goat that goes to someone else can be considered a "present".

The thing is, this kind of present is fine if it's by mutual agreement. A lot of us already have got too much stuff, don't want any more stuff and would be perfectly happy to see someone donating their money to someone that really needs it. But if it's not by agreement, then it's making a purely passive-aggressive statement, which goes something like: "We don't think you deserve a proper present because you already have too much money. Also, we are morally superior to you because we made a donation to charity, which you didn't."

My SIL gives me an Oxfam goat/hen/whatever every Christmas. I don't mind. I'd rather that than another scarf, smellies or bracelet that I neither like nor need.