To hate living in new town and want to move back North? (And has anyone else ever regretted a move?)

[williaminajetfighter]

At the start of 2012 I moved with my family to Oxford from the North for an 'exciting job opportunity' and because I thought it would be a great place to raise kids and to be closer to London; I had visited as a tourist a few times and found it charming.

I have lived here for a year now and really dislike it. The town is small and relatively conservative; extremely expensive but very much divided between the haves and the have-nots (or better, those who have-less). The centre of the town is a no-go area for cars so one spends their time on ring roads around the city. The town is dead at night and there is little about it that is 'buzzy' or 'quirky'. Kids activities are fine but having been used to a large city of over 1m+ population, I miss the diversity and range of things to do. I should add that the shopping is dreadful unless you want to buy touristy items or over-priced jumpers and shoes. I have given it a good shot and have tried to get into a routine, go out and do lots of things.

I'm not trying to 'diss' Oxford for those living there who love it. There are a lot of lovely things (beautiful countryside, safe, close to London, good schools if you go private or live in the right area); it's just not for me and I just don't 'feel it'.

I feel like an idiot for moving here and for buying a property (rental costs were so high, I just thought it made sense to buy). I really do want to move back to where we were before. Has anyone else made the 'mistake' of moving somewhere only to discover it wasn't for them? If so did they stick it out and try to get used, did they plan a slow escape or did they just pick up sticks and leave? Experiences appreciated so I can decide what to do.

I have spent the whole of my married life relocating, some better than others, and I say life is too short to stay where you are not happy, kids are resilient and besides Glasgow is a fantastic place!

They say it takes two years to settle into a new place.

I moved home after living away (different hemisphere; other side of the world) for 13 years and am still in that two-year window and am struggling - even though I've moved 'home'. My second country had really become home as well.

We're absolutely going to give it two years before making a decision, but ultimately, will make the right decision for us as a family. It has got better in the last 6 months which is encouraging...

Life is too short not to be happy.

My husband moved us and I loath and detest it (and in fact have come 'home' for the second time this year)
I think he has finaly accepted that im coming home now
You know you love Glasgow, it works for you just move back and enjoy

Oh dear OP I do feel for you, not least as I am trying to scheme my way back to Scotland too ( the big city on the other coast though). I re-located to Liverpool to do a PhD and have felt like a bit of a lost soul ever since.

I'm back in Edinburgh for Xmas, but spend most of the year in Liverpool missing Scotland something chronic. There's nothing wrong with Liverpool, it is a great place, but just not for me. Although my friends, fiancée, cat and all my ties are in Edinburgh, it goes beyond that Edinburgh just 'feels' right for some indefinable reason and felt like home the moment I stepped off the train 7 years ago. I came to the conclusion a few months ago that life is too bloody short to be miserable and that my life only really makes sense in Edinburgh. I just now need to plan my life around that fact.

I say sod it. Go where you are happy. Think of the horror of your kids starting to talk with an Estuary English Accent, imagine sharing your overpriced home with some mini Janet Street Porters! Even worse imagine them turning Tory!

Bugger your in-laws , most Southerners think anyone moving to the other side of the Trent is undergoing a form of cultural exile and suffering. More fool them.

PS. FWIW I totally agree about Oxford, my sister lives there and I find it insufferably smug, hideously expensive, the locals cold and unwelcoming, the students horrendous and the beer flat and pissy. After a few visits I now find myself at a loss for things to do, there is only a few times you can re-enact the death of Inspector Morse in a college quadrangle before it gets boring.

As someone else said, please don't turn this into a North/South thing. It's about where you are comfortable as an individual.
I hated where I lived up North, but I work with someone from Lancashire now, and he is homesick and is thinking of moving back. Why would I be rude about his home place?

My comments about the South were very much tongue in cheek. But that is the problem with you soft southern jessies. You lack a sense of humour ;-)

That's the problem with a robust Northern sense of humour, it's just bloody rude!

I wouldn't know (love/duckie/pet/hen/insert any other clichéd northern term of endearment here) I am a midlander by birth who has lived in Scotland for most of their adult life.

I've lived near Telford for a couple of years. In Oxford for 7 years, and Lancashire, Yorkshire and Nottingham and Devon and London and Sussex. And another dozen places inbetween.
So I know what I like, and I'm happy in the South.
OP should find a place she's happy in, but I agree that it takes a couple of years before you truly know.

We did this for work and chance of buying property (our move was south to Midlands). We have never been so miserable in our lives! Moved back early this year and it was the best decision we ever made. Nothing wrong with the area except it wasn't home. We struggled to get to know people, the people I worked with we're absolutely awful. It was a very competitive 'me, me, me' environment where everyone screamed about how great they were - not me at all - I don't blow my own trumpet!

Our family and friends were down south so we cut our loses and moved back and things have been on the up ever since.

If you can afford to move home realistically and you have given it your best shot at making it work, I would move back.

Just moved away from Oxford after seven years there...

I get where you're coming from. I moved there from city centre Dublin and found it incredibly reserved in comparison. North Oxford can have a rather stilted 'old money' vibe. And yes to over-priced, and actually quite small. It isn't actually that conservative IMO by south-eastern standards. The city itself is a mixture of Labour (East Oxford), Lib Dem (North Oxford) and Greens (students). And there's a lot of cultural stuff to do for a town its size (seriously, have you ever been to Reading?). I'm now living in one of those south-eastern towns which regularly make the Top Ten Most Desirable Places To Live lists and Oh Dear Lord, is it boring (mercifully we're only here temporarily). Oxford is a paradise in comparison .

I lived in a place on the London borders I DETESTED for 3 long miserable years. I did a dance the day we moved.

Things have worked out now, we live in a beautiful place only made possible by our old house price shooting up for some unknown reason.But I still feel angry I wasted 3 years in misery. It effects your wellbeing.

I always thought Oxford was meant to be lovely (except for a massive rich/poor divide) but if its not for you, its not for you.

I'd give it another year, whilst looking for new jobs. I think you are suffering from culture shock and would have been the same if you'd moved to St Andrews, Aberdeen, Cambridge etc.

In my experience most Glaswegians can't cope living anywhere but Glasgow. And I say this as someone whose family mostly live in Glasgow & I went to Glasgow Uni.

I think you should give it another year to see if you settle & to save for solicitor & estate agent fees!

I moved from Glasgow to Bedfordshire to be with DH 12 years ago. made sense house and job wise at the time and now we are pretty settled. In a very small village which suits me though I never thought it would. Having said that I still get homesick and think i always will. Move if you are unhappy life really is too short.

I moved from Worcester to Brighton which I loved. I was 26 when I did this and I felt like I had wasted my early to mid twenties stuck in a smelly, damp flat above a fish and chip shop- I soon made up for the lack of fun when I moved to Brighton!

The move I regretted was moving within Sussex. My DS was 1 and we couldn't afford a house in Brighton and Hove with a garden. We thought we would be better off relocating to a house in Haywards Heath than staying in our flat near the sea and Hove Lawns which is the nicer bit of Brighton beach. We regretted this move, we had a little Victorian Terrace with a garden but I felt so isolated, bored, lonely. I went to various toddler groups but I didn't find the people very friendly. The town centre was really drab and everyone was the same, I really missed the multicultural element of a city. Brighton & Hove has some great parks, Haywards Heath had one main park that had rusty equipment.

We found the garden really annoying as it was hard to look after lots of maintenance needed. I found myself longing to return to my old life where Hove Lawns and the seaside was on our door step and was therefore the equivalent to a garden but a lot bigger, a lot more attractive and no green fingers were needed!

Needless to say we moved back before my eldest started school. On the day we left we were both smiling with joy, we couldn't wait to close the door, drive out of the town and never return again!

I feel for you, OP.

Oxford is nice for a visit, but small and dreary as a place to live. And eensive!

You might as well come to London now youre this close

*expensive

Thanks everyone for the great advice. As DD is in school in Oxford I'm going to give it til summer to make up my mind. Btw I'm originally from Montreal and since 1995 have lived in London, Lancs, Leics and Glasgow but it's Glasgow that felt most like home.

Go where you are happy. I lived in Salisbury for a while (grew up in a neighbouring county), and never felt comfortable. It's Tory central there. It's a beautiful place, but a lot of people are rude. I go up and visit family and enjoy it, but would never in a million years move back.

Live in Cornwall now. Breathed a huge sigh of relief when I moved down. Love it here.

I moved from Melbourne, Australia to a small town in Leicestershire. Nearly 5 years on I really do dislike this area but with a husband and child now, it's not so easy to change. I hope you can move back in the summer if you decide it is what you want

How old is your Daughter OP? As I'm sure you'll know the school system is very different in Scotland and may take some getting used to.

I know someone who moved from England in Year 7 (first year of High School) and had to return to primary school in Scotland to finish Primary 7. That can't have been much fun.

DD is 6. Finished primary 1 in Scotland now in year 2 in England. Would have to see what would happen if she moved back. In general it seems more £ is put into Scottish schools than England but that could just be where I lived. Certainly in Oxford many go private.

I think it does take longer than a year to settle somewhere new. But, some places do just fit better than others.
(And I don't know Oxford at all but I love Glasgow.)
So maybe see how you feel in six more months?

i really dislike where i live. my dh was in the armed forces so i am used to moving around. about 7 years ago we bought the house we live in now but never lived in it just rented it out as we were in married quarters - we then moved and the children were settled and went to fabulous schools. dh was them made redundant as very short notice and i think we panicked and came back here as we had a ready made home plus friends here. been the worse thing we did. i miss our old place so so much. if we sold this house we could afford a fantastic house there. one of my friends has moved to america and likely my other friend will go there next year as well plus teh schools herer have been horrendous. after ive posted here im off to look at rightmove as houses and try and plan my escape. the problem is dh has a job and is quite settled plus both boys have special needs so to move would mean an upheaval and sorting schools out horrific but the thought of staying here forever makes me think a move would be best. ive given it 2 years now and ive had enough...... every year we go back to the place we used to live on holiday and its breaks my heart having to leave

I love Oxford as much as it's possible to live a city, and will NEVER return to the north.
However, if the place ain't your bag, then it ain't your bag. I've had some dark times here too, and I've seen people get chewed up and spat out, I've always been sad but relieved for them when they've gone home.
It's a funny old place! Like a departure lounge with a world-class library!