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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Dh shouldn't have told me!

62 replies

christmosschops30 · 26/12/2012 16:17

As usual I bought all my own presents (with dhs money) and then gave them to him to wrap.
Last night out of the blue he said 'I nearly bought you something extravagant! I looked at a Mulberry bag, did lots of research, online, went to shop etc, then decided it was too much money and couldn't actually afford it' Hmm

Not sure how I feel about it, might say for his 40th 'well I did think of booking you a holiday in Fiji, but then decided not to' happy birthday here's some skin care and a new jumper!

What do you think? AIBU to think he shouldn't have mentioned it?

OP posts:
SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 26/12/2012 17:16

i'm really bemused by the whole getting him to wrap them thing. what is the purpose of this?

CabbageLeaves · 26/12/2012 17:22

The whole premise of this thread makes me boggle. It's about getting someone else to do something you want them to ...by guilt?

Accept he doesn't want to...

Pretending he's done it, is frankly pathetic (sorry...)

scottishmummy · 26/12/2012 17:28

its up to him how he spends his own money,and he doesn't want to buy you the bag
for what ever reason hes looked at the bag,knows can afford it,and thought naw dinnae bother
out of interest do you buy his socks,underwear,are you that kind of couple

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 26/12/2012 17:35

there is a reason why he doesn't buy you gifts anymore. you buying them for yourself and pretending they're from him doesn't make the reason disappear. if him not buying you gifts is a problem, you need to ask what the reason is. dont just paper over the cracks.

scottishmummy · 26/12/2012 17:56

reread your posts op,this isn't about a bag.there is lot of resentment
somewhere you two have got stuck,a rut and resentment have developed
he doesn't even chose you gifts anymore,can't be bothered ,that's how little regard he has

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 26/12/2012 18:04

i feel like breaking into song on this thread

"you've lost that lovin' feeling"

Original poster
christmosschops30 · 26/12/2012 18:05

scottish yes there are other problems at the moment, lots of them Hmm
But I'm a bit shocked at your comment that I should work, and buy it for myself. I do work, full time, I will save for a mulberry one day but not whilst I'm paying £700 a month in childcare that Dh refuses to contribute to because it was my choice to change jobs and work full time!
So I'm not relying on him buying me a bag. My point was it was mean of him to mention it

OP posts:
Original poster
christmosschops30 · 26/12/2012 18:07

I buy the gifts because I know what I want and in the past (the Mother's Day episode) I have suggested things then the night before find out I've got nothing.
His parents don't buy gifts for each other, or for us

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 26/12/2012 18:08

you're solvent buy your own bag,that's not shocking at all
shocking is you want bag,but are hoping dh will present it to you ta-dah.gift for wee woman
again why do you need him to act like lord bountiful,why cant yiu buy it

scottishmummy · 26/12/2012 18:12

he doesn't contribute to childcare and is punishing you for new job?how the hell did that happen
really,he needs to pay his childcare and support your career.fuck the bag
you two have significant issues,man who punishes you and won't fulfill his responsibilities

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 26/12/2012 18:13

OP your problem is not that your DH mentioned a gift he didnt buy you. Seriously.

Get onto the Relationship board and start a thread. This goes deeper tgan what he said about the bag.

Original poster
christmosschops30 · 26/12/2012 18:13

Erm I didn't ask for the bag or expect it.
Not sure why you're being so nasty tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
christmosschops30 · 26/12/2012 18:14

I just can't face the relationship board atm.
My head is spinning Hmm

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 26/12/2012 18:15

I will never understand why some people do this.Xmas Confused

Never ever start a sentence with "I was going to..." because unless it ends with "but I got you this bag of diamonds/family holiday instead", it will only end in disappointment.

chatnickname2013 · 26/12/2012 18:17

its not about you asking or expecting it, he basically told you it wasn't worth spending that much on you when he's spent that much on yourself.. and its also about you pretending he's got you presents!

honestly just tell people he gave you cash! and YOU bought x, y and Z with it, don't wrap them "from him" - they're not!

did he need your permission to buy the lens? well you don't need to be told by him that you aren't worth the bag!

chatnickname2013 · 26/12/2012 18:18

"when he's spent that much on yourself." HIMself!

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2012 18:18

OP- having read your post re childcare I am truly shocked.

The man is a wanker.

DIYapprentice · 26/12/2012 18:18

YANBU! You should buy a present for him that he would like as well, but don't label it. If he doesn't buy you anything, keep it!

TurnipCake · 26/12/2012 18:19

OP he doesn't contribute to childcare? Damn right it was mean spirited of him to mention the bag, but in context of what you said, just plain nasty Xmas Angry

Snazzyfeelingfestive · 26/12/2012 18:19

So he spends 1600 pounds on a camera lens but will not share the cost of childcare? What right does he think he has to do that?

DIYapprentice · 26/12/2012 18:19

Sorry, meant that 'you' would like as well!

Cabrinha · 26/12/2012 18:21

Why can't you face "Relationships"? Lovely supportive people, so I guess it's not the people you can't face, but the truth of what they will say.

Which I think is pretty much that he's in the last chance Relate saloon before you end the marriage. He doesn't pay half the childcare?!!!! WTAF?

That is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 26/12/2012 18:22

He's a wanker, but you know that. Have you pointed out that he will have to pay for childcare if you divorce?

scottishmummy · 26/12/2012 18:22

no one on this thread us mean to you but maybe you're feeling sensitised
but having read he wont share childcare frankly the bag isn't the issue
so do you stay in affluence and resentment or do you challenge him

SantaIAmSoFuckingRock · 26/12/2012 18:22

op you didn't say whether you buy him presents or not. and also why you get him to wrap the stuff you buy for yourself?

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