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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's done it again!!!

37 replies

SouthernComforts · 26/12/2012 13:56

Background: Last year me and ex p were on very bad terms, he was threatening me, vandalizing my house and generally being a knobhead. Throughout all this my mum was still washing his clothes for him because his washing machine was 'broken' and plating meals up for him, because clearly a grown man can't feed himself.

Then, 2 weeks after I had him arrested for turning up at my house in the night with a knife threatening to kill me, I get the news that she's invited him round for Christmas dinner, with me and dd!!!!

Fast forward to this year and me, my sisters and my dad told her in no uncertain terms that if he was invited again, we wouldn't go.

So we end up not eating together and all do our own Christmas dinners at home and just go to my mums for a drink later on. All fine and lovely.

Just had a text off dp "you may as well drop dd's stuff at your mums, me and dd have been invited for tea"

Arghhhhh! AIBU to be fuming?? There is no need! She saw dd yesterday, she will see her tomorrow, we were supposed to be going for tea on Saturday but I'm reconsidering now.

OP posts:
Megatron · 26/12/2012 13:58

This is your mum doing this, have I got that right?

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/12/2012 13:59

YANBU. This seems very strange. What does your mum say when you talk to her about this?

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2012 14:00

Your mum is doing this? YOUR MUM?!

WTAF is wrong with her?

You would not BU to never speak to her again.

susanann · 26/12/2012 14:00

why on earth would your mum have done that last year?????? YANBU defo ! Is dd seeing her dad at all ? how old is dd? sounds crazy

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/12/2012 14:01

I think your mums a bit odd. Like in need of assessment odd.

It's not normal is it?. Poor you having to put up with this again.

kim147 · 26/12/2012 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Megatron · 26/12/2012 14:02

I think for the first time on MN, I am actually speechless.

Floralnomad · 26/12/2012 14:03

Sorry I don't understand ,does your dad not live with our mum? Also did she invite him for dinner yesterday and that's why you didn't all go to dinner? I'm a bit confused but your mum does sound a little odd.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2012 14:04

Has she ever given any reason for this behaviour? She's prioritising him over not just you but all her children and husband too.

Is this the only mad thing she does or is there other stuff too?

NatashaBee · 26/12/2012 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustFabulous · 26/12/2012 14:05

Does your mother know what he did?

I would step away from a relationship with her for now as she clearly has made her choice.

MrsFlibble · 26/12/2012 14:05

She does know that he threatened to kill you right?

Im actually baffled by this.

pictish · 26/12/2012 14:05

I am astonished!
What the fuck is up with her??? Confused

kinkyfuckery · 26/12/2012 14:07

My goodness. YANBU to be totally pissed off!

MrsFlibble · 26/12/2012 14:09

Are you sure, theres something not going on between the two.

My mum would rather cut of her own tits with butter knives than have tea with a man who threatened her DDs.

LineRunner · 26/12/2012 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SouthernComforts · 26/12/2012 14:12

Sorry that should have said 'text off ex dp'

Yes this is my mum.

Yes he sees dd regularly, no issues with him as a father just as an ex.

Whyyyy???

Well, he moved 3 hours from his family to be with me. He stayed here after we split but he has his job, friends and has had a few casual relationships since. He's certainly not alone in the world. He took dd down to his mums for early Christmas the weekend before last. He could have taken her down for Christmas if he wanted to, but he chose not to.

My mum sees it as keeping everyone on good terms and she's said "id like to think his family would do the same for you if it were the other way round."
They wouldn't.

OP posts:
LoopsInHoops · 26/12/2012 14:15

You have to tell her.

kim147 · 26/12/2012 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 26/12/2012 14:17

I was responding to this part of your post, OP:

I had him arrested for turning up at my house in the night with a knife threatening to kill me

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2012 14:18

I'm sorry but the "keeping good relations with everyone" really only works when the ex is question is a reasonable person. Rather than someone who has threatened to kill the mother of his child,who incidentally is her own child.

It's very inappropriate for her to continue this. She should be in the "I don't give a fuck his family live 3 hours away" mode of thinking. He is a horrible bully at best. She's your mum,you may be an adult but you're still her child and she should want to do what's best for you.

You've already said DD sees your ex often and all the issues are directly linked to his behaviour as your ex not as her father. Your mum should respect that.

susanann · 26/12/2012 14:18

i agree with kim. i would only allow supervised visits, if any at all! how old is your dd>

Inertia · 26/12/2012 14:21

Bloody hell, I'd have issues with him as a father if he'd turned up threatening to kill me ! Is there not some kind of supervised contact order for his contact with DD?

Does your mum know about the murder threats ?

CailinDana · 26/12/2012 14:25

I think it's a bit rich complaining that your mum's having him over for tea when you expect your own daughter to spend time with him. You're as bad as each other as far as I can see.

Original poster
SouthernComforts · 26/12/2012 14:27

I know it sounds terrible, and it was, but he took the split very badly and had a few months of madness, through that time visits were supervised at my parents house and I had no contact with him. He only recently started having dd on his own. He is fine with me now, and has been for about 10 months, he will stand and chat with my dp at drop offs etc so he is definitely over me and we've all moved on.

It's complicated by my daughter being very ill for.most of this year so we had to put our feelings to one side while she was in hospital etc.

Anyway, I have no concerns whatsoever about him with dd, never have.

The point is my fecking mother treating him as part of the family still.

OP posts: