She's done it again!!!

[SouthernComforts]

Background: Last year me and ex p were on very bad terms, he was threatening me, vandalizing my house and generally being a knobhead. Throughout all this my mum was still washing his clothes for him because his washing machine was 'broken' and plating meals up for him, because clearly a grown man can't feed himself.

Then, 2 weeks after I had him arrested for turning up at my house in the night with a knife threatening to kill me, I get the news that she's invited him round for Christmas dinner, with me and dd!!!!

Fast forward to this year and me, my sisters and my dad told her in no uncertain terms that if he was invited again, we wouldn't go.

So we end up not eating together and all do our own Christmas dinners at home and just go to my mums for a drink later on. All fine and lovely.

Just had a text off dp "you may as well drop dd's stuff at your mums, me and dd have been invited for tea"

Arghhhhh! AIBU to be fuming?? There is no need! She saw dd yesterday, she will see her tomorrow, we were supposed to be going for tea on Saturday but I'm reconsidering now.

So everything's ok and DD is allowed to see him on her own but you object to your mother seeing him? I still don't really get it. Is the problem that your mother expects you to spend time with him?

That incident was a one off, I was never scared of him, I wasn't in the house when he turned up (but yes, I could have been) he knew dd wasn't there and he'd just found out I was in a relationship. Not excusing it whatsoever, I phoned the police he was arrested and it brought him to his senses. I don't know for sure if he had a knife, my neighbor said so but she did love a drama.

So basically, while he was a complete twat, I was never scared for my safety or dd's, it was a stupid incident by a drunk desperate idiot.

He never did anything of the sort after the arrest, he wrote me a letter promising to back off and move on etc and he did.

I know him and my dd and I would never put her in a situation that she could be in
danger. Please trust me on this.

I have to go now but I will come back on later.

Ok, so it appears that your mother is trying to be kind to him, given that he's her GD's father. Unless there's some other history between you and your mother I don't think what she's doing is particularly wrong. A lot of people remain friendly with their ex-inlaws, and it sounds like for your ex your mother stands in for his own family who are far away.

Well now you've back tracked and made him sound like a saint and your neighbour exaggerated about the knife, no wonder your Mum isn't getting involved

I don't think OP is unreasonable in not wanting him invited to her mums etc. My parents separated and I was expected to spend time with my Dad. Why wouldn't I,he's my Dad. Expected is a really odd word choice. OP's daughter is her ex's daughter too and she's explained there were supervised visits for a time.

My parents split was very amicable. Both sets on Grandparents still treated their respective former son/daughter in law just the same. Except for inviting them round for tea. Because that's just a bit weird. Especially at Christmas.

My mum and paternal grandmother still exchange birthday and Christmas presents 15 years on.

Cailin - what's not to get - his daughter is his daughter- this is not his mother - the op should feel that her mother is on her side but she is bending to over backwards for someone who has behaved appallingly to her.

I definitely get why you feel like this - you should be able to go to your mum's without the presence of the ex.

i don't have words for your mum that wouldn't get my post removed.

Maddening - I'm not getting the "sides" thing. Originally the OP said the ex threatened her, in which case the whole situation would be fucked up. In actual fact, she wasn't there when he turned up and he may or may not have had a knife. Plus the OP is happy for her DD to spend time with him, so clearly she thinks he's an OK guy. I agree it's not the most comfortable situation but she can't demand that her mother not spend time with him unless there's some good reason for it.

Sorry I was really pissed off and trying to sum up 18 months to put in the OP. So I tried to clarify the knife incident when people questioned why I'm happy for him to have dd.

He was awful after we split, there was enough vile texts, calls and voicemails on my phone for the police to caution him without taking the knife thing into account, because they couldn't prove it was him. I only have the threatening texts and my neighbours version of what happened. Had I been home that night things would have been very different, but I wasn't and he backed off.

However I didn't want to spend Christmas day with him 2 weeks later and my mum did. She was ironing his fucking clothes while the police were taking my statement!!

My point is, after the upset she caused last Christmas by inviting him, the upset caused this year ensuring he wasn't there again (all eating separately for the first time in 20 years) she then goes and invites him for basically a 2nd Christmas dinner, just her dad, him and dd.

Anyway, I'll leave it at me being annoyed and you lot being a bit confused I think!

I understood where you were coming from OP.

Whether she was there or not his intention of going round with a knife is to at least threaten. Anyone would find that threatening.