To think my aunt is bu

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

They live in Australia, the rest of our family live in the uk. A relative kindly sends cheques to us all for Christmas of the same amount. My aunt is complaining that as she has to pay 15 dollars to cash hers in in Australia its unfair as she doesn't then get as much out of the£25 as the rest of us. She has suggested this year that she writes a 'kind' note explaining this and either asking for more to ofset the difference or suggest not getting a cheque at all. I think this would be very unreasonable and hurt relatives feelings. I think it's extremely rude and ungrateful!
Even if after paying to cash the cheque she only got enough to buy a bar of chocolate that's better than nothing? IMO its the thought that counts anyway and suggesting that relative should be more out of pocket for aunts life decision of moving to Australia is v v unreasonable?

cheques are a PIA though even in the UK as they take ages to clear. Its hardly worth having a £25 cheque if most of it is lost in the fees to the bank. A cheque sent in AUD or even some AUD notes would be better - the aunt could tell the relative not to send a sterling cheque any more as most of the money is lost in bank fees and both are losing out.

Depends on the relative who is sending the cheques. if she is elderly and might not understand the whole AUD/bank fees issue then i don't think anything should be said. It is the thought that counts after all. If she has genuinely not realised the AUD/bank fees problem then no harm to ask her if she could send some AUD instead.

Asking for more is disgustingly rude.

How much would a bank transfer cost? If the relative wants to give money, then there are ways other than sending cheques. DP's DM sends hard cash in the post to one of her DGS's who live abroad - not ideal, but once it eventually due to slow postal service in their country arrives, there's no waiting for the cheque to clear.

No, she's not being unreasonable - it's not really worth it by the time she's paid for fees and gone through the hassle of paying it in. An on-line transfer would mean a lot less hassle (and I believe most banks will let you do that fee free)

Too late for this year, but if the relative who is sending them is too elderly to cope with online transfers, could you offer to do an online transfer and ask the relative to give you an extra £25 to cover it? Otherwise, it might be worth telling said elderly relative to not bother sending the cheques anymore and just a card. It must cost them to post stuff and it seems rather pointless.

I wouldnt ask for more but it could be pointed out that most of the value of the cheque is lost when converting to AUD

It's rude to say anything imo, even if some of it does go on fees, it's just rude and if I'd sent the cheque and got that kind of response they'd get nothing ever again, very ungrateful

She needs to look Into the easiest and cheapest way to get money over and then suggest that to the relative.

wouldnt you feel annoyed that most of the value of the cheque goes to the bank rather than who you sent the cheque to? She did give the option of not getting a cheque at all.

Relative is elderly and likes to send special cards with a message that takes a long time to write due to arthritis. Wouldn't understand bank transfers or fees for cashing cheque. I just think its rude!

I think how she approaches it depends on whether it's rude or not.
Even when elderly my gran would have been upset to find that the majority of a gift like that was being wasted in fees and would ask grandchildren to sort out a more practical method.
Personally I'd rather know I would hate to think of the absolute waste if nothing else.

Could you not offer elderly relative that you will send the money via paypal on her behalf and dictate the message to go with it or something?

Gosh, she is bu. the relative is elderly, takes a lot of time and effort to send the card and cheque. It is totally the thought that counts. To suggest the arrangement changes would just be grabby.

I think it would be rude to say to the actual relative sending the cheques but is there someone else over in UK who would be able to guide her re transfers etc.if the situation was explained to them? ie offer to sort it out for the elderly relative next year?

Rude to expect more to cover the fees, but right to say something - I'd sure the relative wouldn't WANT to be giving a Xmas present to the bank! Are you sure the relative wouldn't understand "there is a fee"? That's quite a patronising position to take.

Given the circumstances (arthritis, elderly, wouldn't understand there are fees) it seems very mean. Suck it up, it's not actually about the money

Not patronising at all considering I know my relative and you don't.

Depends on the way it is broached?

My sister lives abroad and my financially savvy grandparents had already sussed this issue so sought advice as they didn't want her to lose out financially on their Christmas gift due to bank charges and suspected that one of the younger generation (ie me) would know how to bypass this problem.

In my sisters case it was actually quite simple as she still operates a UK bank account so we just paid the money in there and she can spend in when she is back here on holiday or via itunes.

Could she request that a donation is made to a charity of her choice rather than sending a cheque? That way she could write a card explaining that she had bought a goat or whatever but there wouldn't be a massive waste of bank fees.

It wouldn't be too rude to say in a sensitive way that most of the value of the cheque is being lost in bank fees.

Would be rude to ask for more tho!

Are there any kind of vouchers that could be sent instead?

she is being horribly rude and unreasonable. i can't believe people are supporting her. who made her live in australia? if she cares so much about getting the best out of her £25 she should come and live here.

I meant a charity of the gift givers choice.

I think Random has the answer.

Yes, your aunt is rude to even consider asking for more to offset the fees. Yes, the gift is more about the gesture than the amount. I don't know about the exchange rate and how significant a portion 15 dollars might be, but if it is a large amount, it doesn't sit right with me that a relative who is elderly and unwell should basically throw money away.