am I or is He

[dementedmumof6]

Had dh family round for xmas dinner, wasn't planning on them all being here but because his(their) mother died a couple of months ago they all wanted to be together.
Family arrived at about 1.30 for xmas lunch and are STILL fricking here, they mentioned inviting some friends over have nothing against the friends but have now had enough.
I want to put my jammies on sit in front of the tv and do nothing but am now hiding in my room, with dh in a huff with me because he invited the friends over after i asked him not to and i told him not happy about it .
so aibu in thinking you come for xmas lunch then leave about 5/6 at the latest or is dh right and i'm just a miserable cow.

neither is unreasonable, just different approaches.

I am with you though, christmas night is for chilling!

You are , they just lost their mother.

plenty of time for PJs and TV another day, it must be very raw for them today.

Well I would not be happy either, xmas day can be exhausting and there is nothing like pj's on and relaxing in front of the telly. Hope they are not there for too long. You could go down best smile and offer anyone a drink before they leave :)

YANBU, our guests stayed until 7pm. I was gagging to put on my PJs from about 4 5!

4 5pm that is!

Well, having lost both my parents, I think YABU (but I can see why!). But cut your DH some slack - he and his siblings have lost their mum recently, it's really hard, and sometimes we do irrational/selfish things when we're grieving. Doesn't make us bad people.

Given the recent circumstances YABU. Slob out in jammies tomorrow, today will be very hard for your husband and his family. Grit your teeth and support them.

I would expect people to come for Christmas dinner at 1.30 and leave around 7/8pm. I wouldn't expect them to start inviting others over .

Also, just go up and put your pjs on! Slob out with them!

I see both POVs.

It is a long day when you are chief cook-and-bottlewasher - but then they bneed to cling together.

You have 2 choices - let them get on with their reminisces and go to bed OR go back downstairs, kick your shoes off, pour a drink and join in.

If it was just sitting talking or watching tv i would but my bedroom floor is shaking with the music blasting and sil shouting woohooi , still have 9 children in house only 2 youngest asleep ,fully expect them to wake up which will be fun as they are 2 and 4 and woke at 6.30am this morning and only went to sleep 30mins ago. I know i'm being anti social and grumpy but have had enough.
If wanted to be around a load of drunk people at this time would have fed them later, had lunch at 1.30pm so they would leave maybe 7 the latest.
sorry for rant

Why not put a brave face on it, go down & have a drink & be sociable or ask them if they would like a cup of tea or coffee before they go?
I think it is rather rude of them to invite other guests to your house, but equally inhospitable of you to hide in your room & not take some control of the situation.

That is a bit Out of order, not matter what the circumstances tbh.
If there are small children they should go to the pub or something for a party.
If it was a few friends, drinks and a chat etc that would be ok by me, i would just put my pjs on and join in.

Ask dh if they could move the party on to one of the sibling's houses?

Can you go to bed and leave them all to it?

I think you may have reacted differently to this had the idea of yet more people coming over to your house not been raised and approved without your say-so.

Your relatives should be allowed to stay as long as they want to short of sleeping over, but inviting mates round without discussing it with you was a step too far on your DH's part.

Just a quick update.

they finally left about 11pm last night, husband told me this morning how horrible i am and that he embarassed himself by throwing them out.

The children told me they left after my 9yr old dn attacked my 13yr old dd and scratched all her face ,no one gave him in trouble they left after he stormed out in a huff, my children were supposed to be staying with them but husband told them no as sil was too drunk.
the point about them inviting friends without it being discussed, it had been and was decided friends could come boxing day not xmas, they asked them while i was upstairs settling the youngest 2 in bed.

I still think that you need to be gracious about this as your DH has recently lost his mum and you seem to only care about your feelings at Christmas, rather than his. The first Christmas without a loved one can be absolutely horrendous and it can make us do selfish/unkind things; it doesn't mean that we are selfish and unkind though. I suggest you do some research about bereavment and its effects on people, www.cruse.org.uk would be a good place to start. Your DH needs your support, and really I don't think that one disturbed Christmas evening is too awful given what he's been through. And your SIL was so drunk presumably because she was missing her mum...? Understandable. Not good that your DD's face was scratched, but presumably a horrible accident rather than the last incident in a series of horrible incidents??? It sounds as though your DH just got swept up in the moment and asked the friends to stay without really thinking about the fact that you didn't want them there.

I'm wondering - and I may be completely off the mark here - if you are resentful of the extra support and attention that your DH needs at the moment, given that you have 6 kids to look after? (I'm extrapolating from your user name!). I could understand it if that was how you felt .... we turn into children again when we lose a parent, and that means you've got 7, not 6! But you are going to need to find a way to be supportive. Cruse can help you.

sorry mme you are wrong,
I have been supprtive hence why I had an extra 6 people to cater for, 5 of which i had to cater seperately for as the list of what they don't eat (not can't) just don't is longer than the list they do.
We had discussed earlier the friends coming round and i asked for it to be boxing day instead and this was agreed, they didn't just pop in by chance , my husband and sils phoned them while i was settling the younger 2 in bed.

The incident with my nephew wasn't an accident he said something to dd she replied, he didn't like the reply so did what he always does, started hitting and scratching then running out in tears screaming how she had no right to talk back to him.

It doesn't sound as though they were mourning their mum! I'm sure the OP wouldn't have minded if they were all sitting quietly having a drink and talking about funny or lovely times with their mum. Nobody should be banished to their room on Christmas night and nobody should invite a bunch of others without checking it's OK first.

Yanbu

They were plain rude.

Sil getting arse-holed and dn attacking your dd is completely unacceptable.

Yanbu. I lost my dad 3 weeks ago. We had my family on Xmas eve but I still needed them to leave at a reasonable hour, especially as my youngest hiss special needs and it was a bit much for him. We have also had my in laws today for a lovely time. To be fair, my oh has done most of the hard work as I have been a bit useless but I wouldn't expect him to entertain my family til all hours because of our loss, it's his break too. I think it's quite hard on the partners tbh, there is a big knock on effect for them too.

The thing is - if he had said he really wanted a boozy loud party till the early hours then you.could have either arranged to go and stay with your parents after dinner or discussed it and come to a mutually agreeable arrangement (which you did do) he was unreasonable as he went against an agreed arrangement - even when I was single and living in shared houses with friends/housemates I wouldn't like parties sprung on me - now with a child living with my partner I would like it even less.