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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At what age did your family stop giving gifts to your DCs?

31 replies

CuttedUpPear · 25/12/2012 19:37

I ask because this year DD is 20, and DS is 15. My DB and DS both sent presents for DS - and me! But nothing for DD 'because we don't give presents for the older kids'.

I wish I had had some warning that she wouldn't be getting anything as we opened the parcels together and were searching for DD's presents. She seems absolutely fine about it but I felt a bit embarrassed and wished they hadn't sent me something as DD was the only one in the family not to get anything off them.

I'm not being greedy, I wondered if other families had a cut off point. I have got my 20 yo Dniece a present.

OP posts:
GoldPlatedNineDoors · 25/12/2012 19:38

You get a present in all my family until you have kids of your own - then the kids get and you in theory dont.

BettySuarez · 25/12/2012 19:39

It seems strange that they got something for one and not the other Sad

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 25/12/2012 19:39

I also think its bad bad form.of them to exclude only her. If she wanted to stop at 20, surely that inclides you and dh too?

Sparklingbrook · 25/12/2012 19:39

18 is the cut off in our family.

Original poster
CuttedUpPear · 25/12/2012 19:41

It seems 20 was the cut off point but they didn't tell me. I'm fine with a cut off point but why give me a present if that's the case?

OP posts:
MincepiePatty · 25/12/2012 19:42

I would say that you are right to feel upset, give token/fun presents to older people (we do in our family) but there is something wrong for her to not have got anything and other adults did.
I get all the stuff about Christmas not being about giving but it is all about family and treating those you love well.
Your poor dd!

usualsuspect3 · 25/12/2012 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 25/12/2012 19:43

We do fun presents for my DB and DSIL, no adult proper presents exchanged at all.

TheCortanaThatStoleChristmas · 25/12/2012 19:45

Well I'm heading towards 30, have a child, and my Aunt still puts £20 in my Christmas card. Xmas Grin

For me there is either a cut off, or you buy for all. Not adults and one DC but not the elder. Doesn't make sense. Either she's an adult like you or a child like your younger DC.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 25/12/2012 19:46

Tbh if I were you I would speak to them about it "thank you for getting us gifts, but as you have a 20yo cut off can you please include me and dh in that as I felt a bit sorry for dd today were literally everyone in our family had a gift except her - none of us would have noticed if youd only bought the littlies but with you buying us too....."

Sometimes things have to be said, and not in a confrontational sort of way.

whois · 25/12/2012 19:46

On one side of the family we haven't had a cut off but don't really buy for those that have had kids and just get for the kids. The other side I think we cut off at 18.

SquigglePigs · 25/12/2012 19:50

I'm 30 and I still get presents from my aunts and uncles. They also buy my husband a Christmas present. Cutoffs are ok if they are applied consistently and everyone knows, but not when it's just dropped on people.

HSMM · 25/12/2012 19:51

18 in our family ... except my mum, who still gets one.

Purple2012 · 25/12/2012 19:52

Cut off 18 for us - well with nieces and nephews. Children are forever and sure grandparents will continue after 18.

When we were younger some friends of the family used to get for me after 18 as they felt unfair to me when brother getting something. Then when he reached 18 they felt bad stopping as I would have had 2 years extra presents, but they didn't want to stop one but not the other! I did keep saying I really didn't mind not getting anything when my brother did. Eventually they stopped but can't remember when!

BackforGood · 25/12/2012 19:53

It's something I've been wondering too (eldest DN has just tuned 19). Seems fair if everyone stops when they reach a certain age rather than saying one year 'we won't get for all the nieces and nephews this year' one year, which will be a tad unfair on the younger ones.

Somebodysomewhere · 25/12/2012 20:04

Well im 25 and i still get gifts. And now i buy for aunties/uncles and get token gifts for the younger cousins ie under 18. Older cousins get small gifts from my parents too. (Grandparents long gone) as well. I am also an only child which i suppose helps !

Corygal · 25/12/2012 20:06

My family send firm notes with a 21st saying 'Last of the Mohicans'.

Awful, actually, as this year, despite buying 27 presents, I had nothing to unwrap.

glaurung · 25/12/2012 20:18

My db stops at 18, so this year dd was included and ds wasn't. It felt a bit odd and db was quite apologetic and said it felt wrong, but that when he thought about it it wouldn't be fair any other way (I agree with him). He did buy a sort of general pressie for dh and I that was really for all of us to compensate.

Splatt34 · 25/12/2012 20:20

I don't remember ever getting a gift from either of my uncles. My gran & great aunt still send me a cheque (I'm 34!!l

ginmakesitallok · 25/12/2012 20:21

No cut off here, but we have spent less on our nieces this year (21,23 and 25)

Xales · 25/12/2012 20:26

I send cheques to nieces and nephew 5 in all (23 down to 12) and their kids. Eldest has 3 plus one on the way. Second eldest is cooking her second.

A cheque they can spend on what they want is better than the cheap tat I could afford as a single parent on a low wages.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 25/12/2012 20:26

So you all stop buying for them around the age they could actually afford to Start buying back... i think you lot have missed a trick Grin

AnnoyingOrange · 25/12/2012 20:26

We cut off at 18, but then buy for 21st birthday then that's it

manticlimactic · 25/12/2012 22:57

We cut off when you have children of your own.

Somebodysomewhere · 25/12/2012 23:04

Thats what i thought yes now i have to buy for all the family as im old enough ! Thankfully i still get gifts too Wink