To be livid at being given charity

[BoyMeetsWorld]

So my DM turns up tonight for Christmas dinner. There's a looooong history between DM & I and she has many Certified issues, which I won't even go into here.

But tonight's latest - she turns up with an absolutely humongous box. Tells me to open it & it's full to brim with v expensive food and drink - from biscuits to pâté, wine to chutneys. Easily £300 worth, minimum.

She then tells me 'Father Such and Such has donated it' to us, because we've been having a bad time lately.

Bit of background...a)I had a miscarriage last week. I am a very private person and wanted nobody to know, not even family. DM only knows because I started MC'ing whilst she was staying over. B)she is currently living with a religious woman she met via the Internet. She left my DSD & has 'found god'. Last time she did this when I was 12, she became a member of a religious cult. (I kid you not).

So Father of this church that I have never met in my life has donated this massive hamper because she told him about my mc. They've all been praying for us (I am not religious & not happy about this). The hamper was meant for the homeless, but came to us because of what she'd told them. DH & I are both relatively high earners & don't need charity.

I hate the fact random people know something so personal & are giving us charity. I'm livid with her....& DH to be honest who agreed its morally wrong but wouldn't send it back as he wanted the things in it

How odd. Do you think the laptop was intended for church/foodbank/charity use too?

I'd either return it, or keep it but donate a sum of money to the food bank. Sounds like they are skimming the posh stuff off the foodbank donations and giving it to people they know who they think are more "deserving" than the regular joes they have coming in. Does this guy actually run the foodbank or help with it??

I think you should report this to Foodbank. If I donated goods to help the needy, I'd be really upset to learn they had been passed on to friends instead

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage. Sadly your mum has spoken about it when she shouldn't have, the priest won't tell anyone so maybe better that it was him she spoke to rather than a lay person? If the hamper (which was given in the spirit of kindness) is upsetting you then you can give it away in another act of kindness, rather than let it be a source of further unhappiness during this sad time?

Unfortunately you can't be confident that your DM will keep your private life just that, so in future be more guarded about what you share with her?

I'm sorry about your MC, BoyMeetsWorld.

A church near us provides food to people who have had an illness or a bereavement, but it's all sensible one-dish dinners that just have to be shoved in the oven and heated up - pasta bake, or shepherd's pie, apple crumble sort of stuff. The idea is to make life easier with a couple of effortless meals. The recipients' income is irrelevant. But this hamper sounds quite different.

Similarly, our church has twice-yearly collections for a homeless charity, but we're encouraged to donate tinned food, chocolate, toothpaste, shower gel; not champagne, venison and pate!

The whole thing sounds very odd; what food bank encourages donations of alcohol?

The main thing is that you don't let yourself get too stressed about this, OP; it's the last thing you need. Have a (((hug))).

SarahWarahWoo
OP explained further up thread that her DM was there when she had her MC otherwise she wouldn't have been told. There is a long history of unreasonable behaviour from her DM.
The hamper may also have come from a 'less than good' place.