.. to want Christmas Day to be just DH, DC and myself from next year?

[TwoDividedByZero]

I loved Christmas until we had children. That was 33 fantastic Christmasses! Whether with my parents (and when I was little, my grandparents) or various boyfriend's parents over the years, and most recently over the last ten years my DH's parents (two sets of) - no problem.

Until we had DS nearly 8 years ago. Then I felt it all went downhill on Christmas Day. We also have DD now (5).

What I would love more than anything is for us to spend Christmas Day together, just the four of us (DH and 2 DC).

We could do nice walks, watch whatever we wanted on TV, my children's food fads wouldn't be a problem, my DS (who has Asperger's and ADHD) would not need to have his ADHD tablet (which normally he only has for school, but has in the hols/weekends if stressful stuff is happening) - and it reduces his appetite when he is on it so doesn't fancy lunch, even if he did fancy turkey and the trimmings (I wish)!

No day trips to the in-laws of two hours each way (which we are doing Christmas Day - tomorrow). No fitting everyone in on a strict rota of once every three years.

For my ideal Christmas I would love to hide at home between Christmas and New Year and go on lots of trips to nice outdoor places, or rent a cottage for the four of us to simply enjoy each other's company with no expectations and no stress. Realistically that may not be possible - but could we at least spend Christmas Day on our own?

That would be such a break from both our family's traditions - but would be so wonderful.

How would I tell all the parents?

Also I feel guilty as with all six parents now in their late 60s/mid 70s, although I realise that these days they should all have many years in front of them, maybe we should be spending Christmas Days with them as often as possible as they won't always be here?

Having said that, as an only child, once all my grandparents had died, when I was a teenager, I usually spent Christmas with just my parents and didn't feel short-changed. They didn't seem to either. It was all so calm and relaxed.

I wish tomorrow I could let DC (7 and 5) open their presents and spend the day just having fun with them rather than dashing off on a long journey or, if people staying with me, cooking.

DS (7) said, (completely unprompted, out of the blue) a few weeks ago ' I wish we didn't spend all day opening presents - I wish we could go out somewhere instead'. I won't mention the place he named as that would give my location away but it is a beautiful park with lots of waterbirds, lakes and so relaxing. That's what he wants; that's what I want.

Could we be brave enough to do it?

Has anyone else taken the plunge and conferred exclusivity to just their husband and children on Christmas Day?

We like Christmas; we just don't like the pressure it puts on the four of us time-wise and with what we choose to do for the day.

Can we realistically change it all in our 40s?!!

I feel your pain. The guilt is terrible. We've insisted on Christmas being at our house, with all welcome if they want to come, for the last four years, but I've caved in and we are all going to mum and dad's next year (I hate the fact that I'm even thinking about next Christmas already!).

Yes of course you can!!!
Be assertive. Tell everyone just after this Christmas so they have enough warning. Tell your family that next year you are going to make things simple for DS and rent a cottage just you four.
I think that should be your New Year resolution!

This is th first Christmas we haven't stayed at home for 6 years.

We just told everyone we were staying at home and that was that, we did pre Christmas dinners with family in the weeks before hand and then spent eve, cd and Boxing Day at home, it was fantastic.

We are going to my GPs this year and I equally can't wait!

Yes absolutely.

We do go to see one set of relatives who live less than an hour away but I always insist we have our own Christmas Dinner/presents etc here first. Just me DH and the kids. Kids finish their dinner in ten minutes flat anyway. Why would I want to/ be able to go and linger over a 2 hour dinner with relatives now I have small children.

I want to spend time with my own children, creating traditions with them and enjoying tem opening and playing with their presents before subjecting myself to the mania/chaos/noise of a load of relatives who are less child centred and more interested in eating/drinking and socialising than I am.

I just want to play/spend time with my children.

Could you go over in the evening/ for Boxing day.

A week in a cottage at Xmas would BU in my opinion (you did ask!). Xmas Day just the four of you, I will allow

We've had just the 4 of us a few times on Christmas Day, it's bliss. Go for it x

We do what we want at Christmas. Could you not see other family Boxing Day etc? Tomorrow it's just the 4 if us & that's exactly how I want it

Yanbu. We have four sets of parents to try to keep happy, and spent almost every Christmas driving hundreds of miles across the country. Evetually the Dc asked to have a Christmas at home instead of in the car. That's what we have decided to do - we fit in family either here or when we can all meet.

We never travel Christmas day.

Everyone is always welcome to us though.

Could you host so no one feels left out and you don't have the guilt?

Tbh with what you've written about your son it seems quite unfair to make him do the travelling.

YANBU! We have spent Christmas Day just us and the DC for the past three years, tis wonderful. We see family over the rest of the week, just not on Christmas Day. Luckily neither my nor DH's family are big-get-togethers-at-Xmas types so I don't think we hurt anyone's feelings.

We do it.

Christmas is a rubbish time to catch up with extended family. The weight and clash of longstanding traditions s stifling. It's so much more difficult to compromise and adapt compared to - say - an Easter reunion.

Long bath this evening. Poorly baby dd on my shoulder now (& prob for all of tomorrow). Ready meal side veg & nice chicken oven ready downstairs. My concession to cooking is that the kids made mince pies for the neighbours and a trifle for tomorrow. New Wii console under the tree. It'll be lovely.

Do it! We've been together 18 years (married 11, DD for 10) and we've never travelled anywhere for Christmas, or ever had any guests! We love it, and the rellies know that this is what we do, so no fuss!

YANBU.

Both of my DSs have ASD and the older one has ADHD. The run up to Christmas is a roller coaster and all the surprise and newness of Christmas day is too much for him to deal with, without having to have his best social face on. Apart from maybe a short visit by MIL who lives a few miles away, we have our own day in our own house with our own things and our own beds to sleep in. We go down to stay with my parents for NY eve because that's more of an adult get to gether time and the kids are over it by then.

We have Christmas day on our own ( Dh , me and the 2 DC ) and have done for many years .
Slightly disfunctional family ( mum died , dad remarried someone 5 years older than me gold digger DC are teens now etc )
It's your Christmas too , spend it as you wish .

My OH and I have always spent Christmas at home just us and the DC. It's lovely!
We close the door in the evening on Christmas Eve and open it again sometime between Christmas and new year!
YADNBU!

YANBU. We don't travel on Christmas day at all now. Had total nightmare of a Christmas when DD was 1 and swore we'd never do it again. We see DH's mum and family on boxing day, his Dad early in Dec. My family are all abroad and DM won't Christmas at mine anymore (have never asked why whole world of pain there).

Staying at home is best.

YANBU.

We have Christmas just me, DH & DS. Before DS was born we did the whole going around to relatives on Christmas Day thing.

Once DS was here, we announced to both sets of GPs that we were going to have Christmas Day alone at our house. We did this several months before Christmas to give them time to get used to the idea.

We also arranged in advance which days around Christmas break we'd see each set of GPs, so they knew we still wanted to see them - for instance, this year we're going to see my parents on Boxing Day, and going to the in-laws on New Years Eve and staying over.

Main advice I'd give is tell them all what you're doing over Christmas early, and make sure that you arrange to see all sets of GP around Christmas time (or at least sometime in Dec / Jan), so they don't feel ignored or left out.

We're doing it for the first time this year, I can't wait! It will be dc2's first Christmas and it just seemed like a tipping point now we have 2. Perhaps it means our family's complete?!
Anyway, we'be spent the past 2 christmases splitting our time between both families and I've hated it, it feels like you don't get enough time with anyone and everything's a rush.
So this year we spend the weekend in our hometown so spent a decent amount of time with each family, and we'll see mine again on boxing day.
Yanbu - Christmas is about pleasing your children imho!

YANBU! For different reasons - as we are all grown up with no children (yet!) - we had to put a stop to the pressure and expectations.

As we got older, bigger and partners came into the equation it got silly - Christmas dinner for 16 adults is just ridiculous - trust me I did it

The first year we were brave enough to do what we wanted, we did book a cottage for the week (My M&D, and my Brother) but unfortunately after driving there it was double booked and we had to come home. My Dad said that he wasn't going to tell anyone we were at home and I couldn't believe it! After we had a lovely peaceful Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing day we did come out and see some family but it was fab having a those few days.

Since then we have changed things around a lot and last year my DH and I spent Christmas Day just the two of us

I have told my mum this is the last Christmas I'm stepping foot out my house. She's fine with it and now my brother is leaving for uni in September she's said this is the last big year where she still gets us main presents and such.

Really looking forward to next year

It is just DD and I at Christmas, yes, I have family, and they got their noses out of joint for the first one where I said 'enough, it's just DD and us' but now it's the norm.

I couldn't recommend it enough, we get up, sit in our PJ's all day, eat, drink whatever we want and watch the box all day. It is bliss!!!

So, no, YANBU!

YANBU, it's easy you just say "we're having christmas at home this year - we'll see you on "saturday"." There's no guilt to feel, you're a family, enjoy being a family. You can see your more distant members on other days.

I would imagine quite a few grandparents don't really want to be with their children and grandchildren anyway, there are probably an awful lot of people doing what they don't really want to because they think it is expected of them . My parents are in their 80s and are more than happy to be alone in their own home, doing what they want, not having to be around noisy, boisterous children, DILs/SILs that they don't really get on with, having unfamiliar routines etc etc. Travelling at Christmas time is nearly always horrendous. We are alone this Christmas, I'd love to say it is wonderful but the reality is DS is out at a party, DH is on his lap top in one room and I am in the study on Mumsnet .

It is difficult, my 3 ds are all grown up now, brief history, was on my own most of the time they were growing up, my parents did xmas day with me when they were small, met someone and they then went to dsis and her family down the raod *I'm a 30 mile drive away, and came to me on Boxing Day. I got married 4 years ago , still came to me Boxing day, lost my Dad two years ago, first xmas with dm on her own we went and got her in all that awful snow and ice on Boxing day but weather was so terrible she went back after one night. Last year she kept making comments to DH about the amount of food that the 3 ds were taking home with them (we were a bit hard up then). Caused a huge row. THEY ARE MY CHILDREN!! This year we had originally planned to move 300 miles away, huge rows about it with dm but eventually this fell through, I have refused to have her for boxing day as I don''t want any more comments but we will all go there on new years day. This year only 2 ds are home as one is working away, one is working all day tomorrow and on Boxing Day dh and two ds are working. My last Xmas last year with all three of them was effectively ruined by her commenting.
Make your own xmas memories, you never know how long you can do that for,