to feel like crying at the sight of the presents under the tree

[MrsKeithRichards]

At the in-laws.

Mil and fil, bil and his wife are away out with our ds to go to the Christmas fair. Dh and I stayin here and picking up the traditional Chinese meal. Fil asked if we could pop the presents from upstairs under the tree for swapping after we eat. There are loads, absolutely tons. I feel like the meanest cheapest arsehole on earth. Our collection of 5 presents look utterly small and miserable in comparison.

They are small and thoughtful but not expensive. They've told up many times not to bother with big presents for them. They know money is tight for us. I was never going to come empty handed.

There's a pile for ds, a few big gifts for us. I'm dreading when they come back and we exchange gifts. I'm not comfortable at all.

They know money is tight, therefore will not expect anything extravagant. Stop stressing and have a fab Christmas.

Honestly don't worry about it. They would much rather have you there, that's the most important thing. The fact they've told you in the past shows that they're thoughtful and aware of things been tight.

If I was your in laws I wouldn't be bothered at all. I love giving presents, I like seeing the happiness on peoples faces when they open them. What I get in return isn't important.

One day you will do the same for your DS, let them enjoy giving, they want to spoil you.

There's also big looking presents from bil and wife to us. I've always worked under the theory my dh and his brother just exchange joke type presents. I'll be so embarrassed if they've got us something decent.

They love you and your lovely, thoughtful presents . You're lucky, I have my DS and nobody else.

Oh don't cry. Are they nice people? Then they probably just want to spoil you as money is tight for you. They're being kind, and you haven't come empty handed, you've brought gifts you've selected with care and attention. It's not about the money, it's about putting thought into it and getting something the recipient will like. You're not cheap, you've had to buy on a budget, and they know it as they've told you not to bother with big presents. It's not being tight, it's being sensible - generosity is lovely, but generosity beyond your means is stupid.

Just remember that they're trying to be nice, and they won't want you to feel uncomfortable. Try to enjoy it.

Maybe they just love you and want to treat you though.
You gave what you could afford, I bet they'll love their gifts.
It shouldn't be about the money at this time of year.
Enjoy in the spirit they were given.
Happy Christmas

They sound very thoughtful and so do you - they would hate to think you were uncomfortable so try not to stress and enjoy it (I know that can be easier said than done).

They are lovely.

I'd rather have a small gift thoughtfully chosen by somebody thinking of me than a shit load of expensive tat that was bought without a thought. I'd rather have something hand made tbh.

ItISTheThoughtThatCountsTiggaxx

I'm an old Mum :-) DS1 has been awol for weeks, he rang today out of the blue and asked what time we were picking him up. I forgot my crossness and jumped in the car to get him. He has brought me and DH (not his dad) a bag of his laundry.
I don't care, DS1 is home!!!! Your inlaws will no doubt feel the same xxxx

You're being daft! I don't give people presents to compare or to show off. I give people presents so that I can enjoy their enjoyment. I'm sure your family feel the same. There's so much pressure to compete / overspend at this time of year, try to resist being sucked into the madness! Being together is the most important thing even if it does require a few glasses of wine to get through .

Don';t worry I am the same this year. Okay I confess I cried on Friday wrapping, it took all of 15 minutes but I don't think anyone compares. I didn't even buy for my brothers this year.....I will make up, hoping to start saving this week with Park hampers.

I bought for mum and dad and they said 'you shouldn't have' but I couldn't not buy for them tbh!

I'm the same op, but every one is right when they say they're just trying to be kind... Last year my sister and I agreed no presents for each other, just our children. And she bought me a beautiful and expensive bracelet. They turned up laden and made my little meagre bunch of presents look pathetic. But, I'm 42 years old now and I'm far too old to care any more. My sister and her dh have 2 six figure salaries coming in. Her dh gave her a brand new Jeep, an ipad, Ugg boots, tons of Smythson stationery and jewellery. Their Christmases are just so far out of our reach it's unthinkable.

Enjoy your christmas op, and hold you head high when you give out your presents chosen with love and care.

It is difficult sometimes to accept love and gifts from other people without reciprocating. It is as if a person needs permission to do that. So, here is MN's permisson - accept the gifts graciously and you will make your family happy!

You sound like a lovely thoughtful family all round. Don't be upset. It's their turn this year. At some point it will be your turn.

Have a hug (())

Did mean "without reciprocating" to sound as if I disapprove of you not buying lavish gifts MrsKR!! not at all. what I mean is that sometimes it is okay to accept and give in different ways, so do that now.

ARGH! Not explaining myself well at all. Blame it on the Merlot.

They know things are tight, they are giving to treat you, not to receive. My dad brought me up alone, and we never had much money, but my aunts and uncles used to buy us lots at Christmas. It was all out of love and kindness. Don't feel rotten x

It's better to give than to receive - meaning that they love you and they want to spoil you. Let them, and let that be part of your gift to them.

They may also be huge boxes of inexpensive things, so don't stress out yet!

I'm a granny and dil and ds can't afford much for us but I've bought them loads. I was poor when young like them and its nice now to be able to give nice gifts to people you love.
I love small thoughtfull gifts. It's our anniversary today and dh git me sone small cheap earings just like the knes i lost on holiday in the summer. i was really touched that he remembered.

OP I could have written that myself because it's exactly how I feel. (apart from it being my parents not the inlaws) we've had to have a very tight Christmas this year and we've explained to our 3ds that we've bought what we can. They've been brilliant bless their hearts.
I told my DPs that I feel awful for not being able to buy much. They told me they can now afford to treat my dss but they would never ever want me to feel like they were over stepping the mark and would happily cut back next year!
Don't forget its the thought that counts not the cost.
Relax and enjoy