Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL PFB and bedrooms at PIL (again)

76 replies

MsIngaFewmarbles · 24/12/2012 09:02

I don't believe I am writing this but here we go again.

SIL has previously tried to insist that their PFB had to sleep in the spare room by herself at PILs house over Christmas whilst our 4 DC slept in rhe dining room on airbeds. Anyone remember this?

Anyway this year we only have DS for Christmas Eve/Day as our DDs are at respective other parents and with us from Boxing Day when B/SIL will be leaving to visit SIL family. Great I thought, no problems then, DN can sleep in cot in spare room, DS can have the bed, all sorted.

SIL mentioned yesterday that DN is so settled and sleeping so well that she doesn't want to risk disrupting this by having DS sleeping in the same room. FGS will it never end? I am hosting Christmas next year so I don't have for deal with this crap.

OP posts:
Molehillmountain · 24/12/2012 10:22

I have been a slightly mad pfb mother in my time so I understand the angst over disrupting sleep. What is not okay is expecting everyone else to completely alter what they're doing to accommodate it. I feel slightly sick about Christmas night tbh, all five of our family in one room with a seventeen month old whose sleep is absolutely dreadful. But I have to suck it up and remember that for everything we do to make Christmas work, others in our family are either doing more or truly not really able to (bil -but that's another story. I don't have to play competitive unreasonableness Wink). Hope you have a lovely Christmas and roll on next year!

DontmindifIdo · 24/12/2012 10:42

Stick to your guns on the sleeping arrangements - DS is in the spare bed, where DN goes is her choice.

Be flexible/non-stroppy about the leaving early on Boxing Day though until you know if it's that they have to be somewhere else. Your DDs are the most important people to you, it could be that she wants to make sure her DD gets to spend time with her other set of grandparents. as lovely as cousins are, you can see why it might be more important to get to the other grandparents.

Original poster
MsIngaFewmarbles · 24/12/2012 10:57

They are going to her parents on Boxing Day. I understand about sharing equal time with GPs but given they don't normally leave PILs til 11 I just don't see why they can't stay until 10 when they were only going to be leaving at 9.30 anyway :(

DH has been sneaky and text PIL saying what a shame it is that they won't get to see DDs but we're sure we will all have a lovely Christmas Blush

OP posts:
poozlepants · 24/12/2012 10:57

You are most def, not being unreasonable. I can sympathise I have a SIL who insists that she and her DH get the best bedroom at PIL's and refuse point blank to have their dd in a cot in the same room so she has the other room so when they are there we are told we can't stay as there is no room. That suits us fine. It's all about territory- she likes to make sure we know that she is is top dog. If we object there is a god almighty tantrum and her parents let her do what she wants to avoid it.
We have started not doing what she wants and ignoring the ensuing arguments - it drives her mad. I agree with whoever said upthread she relies on other people not making a fuss.

Adversecalendar · 24/12/2012 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollaAtMeSanta · 24/12/2012 11:05

I remember this too. Stand your ground! Xmas Grin

Original poster
MsIngaFewmarbles · 24/12/2012 11:37

I don't think she likes me very much as she got on well with DHs ex. Also I get on very well with MIL. We go shopping together and I think her nose was put out of joint by my arrival as she was the only DIL for a while.

The funny thing is BIL is very funny and chatty when she's not around. When she's there he's like a different person. I really do try to get on with her but my goodness she doesn't make it easy.

OP posts:
MrsMuddyPuddles · 24/12/2012 11:43

"They are going to her parents on Boxing Day. I understand about sharing equal time with GPs but given they don't normally leave PILs til 11"

Is it possible that the late departure has put her parents' noses out of joint? Remember that these are the people that raised her... it's entirely possible that her unreasonableness is hereditary Xmas Grin

Just wait til the PFB is out of a cot- then you'll be figting over who gets the bed!

RillaBlythe · 24/12/2012 11:43

I was thinking about you the other day. Sorry to hear she is still so unreasonable.

DontmindifIdo · 24/12/2012 11:55

Perhaps she's not been happy about not leaving until 11am in the past? Particularly as now her DD is old enough to sit and have lunch with the grown ups if the lunch is served at a child-friendly time. It's not unfair for grandparents to want the bulk of the day with their DGD on Boxing day, particularly as they haven't had Christmas day with her for 2 years running and it sounds like they won't see her parents next Christmas day either.

It would be your family getting all of christmas day and boxing day morning otherwise. While your DDs are the most important to you and your DH, to your SIL, she might think spending time with her parents is more important.

Don't get PIL to put pressure on BIL to stay later, if they are already getting all of Christmas day with them, if I was SIL, I'd point blankly refuse to do Christmas day with them in the future and get really annoyed if we'd agreed as a couple and promised my parents we'd arrive by say 10:30am if we didn't get there until closer to 12 because MIL talked BIL into staying longer. They've got a toddler old enough to enjoy spending time with her parents.

If you've never had to do the balancing act between two sets of parents, it can seem unfair when someone rushes off. I know my MIL doesn't get it, but then her MIL died before she married FIL, and FIL was estranged from his dad, so she never had to think about the other set of parents. Therefore they have elaborate boxing day traditions including a long brunch and walk, she was most put out when we stayed for Christmas but couldn't stay for that and just grabbed a slice of toast each before rushing out the door - but we had a 2 hour drive to be at my parents.

Iheartpasties · 24/12/2012 12:00

I love mn for threads like this. I think sometimes I'm way too precious about my pfb and have probably been awful to family over certain things, it's treads like this that make me reel my neck in.

AmberSocks · 24/12/2012 12:02

cant she just sleep with them?

bloody routines,more trouble than they are worth.

DontmindifIdo · 24/12/2012 12:05

BTW - I completely understand if your DD's aren't with you on Christmas Day itself you would be keen to extend some of the Christmas Day into Boxing day when they come home. It's completely reasonable of you to want to keep that feeling going so it's not like they've been away for all of Christmas, just a bit of it.

But plan your own day with the DDs, it might be better for you if BIL & SIL have already left by the time they arrive so it's not delaying 'starting the day' with your DDs while they pack up, say goodbyes and leave.

HazleNutt · 24/12/2012 12:36

So PILs have a suitable room and bed for your DS. Therefore, he sleeps there.
SIL can have the PFB in the same room.

If she does not want to do that for no good reason whatsoever, obviously she should have the PFB in their room. And if PFB cannot share a room with anybody, well SIL and husband will simply have to sleep in the living room on the air bed. It's their PFB, after all, not yours.

Original poster
MsIngaFewmarbles · 24/12/2012 14:41

Packing the car to leave for PILs soon. Is it too early foe a medicinal gin?

OP posts:
nightowlmostly · 24/12/2012 15:36

I remember your thread last year OP, good luck dealing with her tonight! And make sure to let us know how it goes if you get a chance. Merry Xmas!

Original poster
MsIngaFewmarbles · 25/12/2012 18:28

Ok here we go. To be fair DN wouldn't settle with DS in the room SIL FIL said that he would move her cot into her parents room. DH helped move it. SIL spent the whole day alternating between complaining they got no sleep and rolling her eyes about DH and I missing our DDs. Also turned her nose up at every present she received from BIL :(

Currently in a food and alcohol haze which is making life slightly more pleasant. I want to go home but trying to be smiley for PIL.

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 25/12/2012 18:32

How would you be making the scene? Anyone can see that expecting her DD to be in blessed isolation is unreasonable in the circumstances. Just do as Pictish said, and if she wants to make a scene she can.

HollaAtMeSanta · 25/12/2012 18:56

Ugh! Still, at least she didn't get to turf anyone out of a room for her PFB.

Tailtwister · 25/12/2012 19:12

Yanbu. We had this with my sil. Her son had to sleep in a cot in a room which occupied 2 single beds. Sil and her DH then slept in a differen room, meaning there was no space for our family to stay over at all. Her excuse wasthe same. Apparently sleeping in the same room as her baby would spoil him or something. Very selfish and ridiculous.

Tell your sil to get a grip and think of other family members for a change.

Jossysgiants · 25/12/2012 19:24

Blimey, Yanbu. Sounds from the same training camp as my Sil. Total pain in the backside. Mine got the hump because her kids had to share at my parents, as mine had the other room. Even though they were across the landing it was still somehow their, and by default my fault her Pfb and Psb had a delayed start to their blissful sleep due to their disturbance.

whois · 25/12/2012 19:58

Situation is redic!

Surely the PFB won't be too disturbed by someone else in the room ??

blackeyedsusan · 25/12/2012 20:09

what i can't believe is that it is a whole year since the first installment... Shock

glad to hear that mil put her foot down.

have a good day tomorrow with the dds

PoppyWearer · 25/12/2012 20:12

Blimey I remember your thread from last year - can't believe you're having to put up with this again!

Very grateful that we have been at home for the past two years as the box room at PIL's house is now called "DN's room" and I was told that if we went to stay, my DD the same age as DN would be in with us (me, DH, DS) because DN would be having her own room.

One of the many reasons we stay with PILs as little as possible!

Original poster
MsIngaFewmarbles · 25/12/2012 21:39

The spare room at PILs is called the nursery! They actually have 3 spare bedrooms as only they live here but rhetoric other 2 are still referred to as DHname and BILname room Grin

OP posts: