SIL PFB and bedrooms at PIL (again)

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

I don't believe I am writing this but here we go again.

SIL has previously tried to insist that their PFB had to sleep in the spare room by herself at PILs house over Christmas whilst our 4 DC slept in rhe dining room on airbeds. Anyone remember this?

Anyway this year we only have DS for Christmas Eve/Day as our DDs are at respective other parents and with us from Boxing Day when B/SIL will be leaving to visit SIL family. Great I thought, no problems then, DN can sleep in cot in spare room, DS can have the bed, all sorted.

SIL mentioned yesterday that DN is so settled and sleeping so well that she doesn't want to risk disrupting this by having DS sleeping in the same room. FGS will it never end? I am hosting Christmas next year so I don't have for deal with this crap.

Surely it would be better if your ds sleeps in the bed and they moved the cot to their own room if they weren't happy for their dd to share with your son? Your sil sounds awful.

I'm with MrsL on this one, if her daughters sleep is so bloody important then she should sacrifice herself before putting everyone else out. I cannot believe the cheek of some people

I would be inclined to let her make a scene.

You are not being unreasonable, she is. She is responsible for her own behaviour. Anyone with an ounce of consideration would agree to the kids sharing the spare room.
I'd be quite happy to watch her make an arse of herself.

She sounds like a complete bitch for refusing to hang around long enough in the morning to see the DDs at Christmas! Who does that? What possible difference could waiting half an hour to see children open their presents make to her?

As for the sleeping arrangements, don't get into it with her - just tell her DS is sleeping in the spare room so DN can either share with him or them.

Are your PIL her parents or her PIL? actually that's irrelevant the only person who'll be to blame for having a tantrum is her, she's a grown woman.

People like this rely on others not making a fuss to get their own way.

Get your dh to put his foot down if sil is his sister ( i.e. not his brother's wife)

Allegedly

Agree with sam - it's a piece of nonsense all this.

I'd probably also throw in a comment about how her two year old seems to be handling the thought of sharing a room a lot better than she is.

Let her make a scene.

It's only herself she'll make look the twat.

There's an obvious solution she's over looking - your DS will be sleeping in that spare bed. If she thinks her DC can't share a room with anyone else, she and her DH can give up their bed and they can sleep on airbeds in the dining room. It's entirely her choice.

Next year, it'll be easier, it's your house your rules. Offer them your agreed solution or the number of the local B&B.

Re them leaving before the DDs arrive, quite simply scupper it. Make BIL a big brew at 9:20am, get DN playing and not dressed, get your DH to spend a lifetime in the shower meaning SIL can't get in the bathroom. It's rather easy to delay people - as long as they are still there when the DD's arrive you can then say loudly "oh DDs, these are the gifts from your Aunt and Uncle, isn't that kind! Now, they have to leave soon, let's open them now so they can see you open them, BIL, another 5 minutes won't make a difference will it? Would you like another brew while they open them?"

YANBU. We had a family Christmas weekend, and my lovely family offered to all squeeze up and massively put themselves out so that we didn't have to share a room with DS if we didn't want to (he has form for being a rubbish sleeper). We of course declined and he shared our room. Why should I put other people out just so that we could have a good nights sleep? It was actually fine, and yes I was up at 5.30am, but it's not the end of the world. Your sil is being very selfish.

It's DH and BILs parents.

Our DC were horrific sleepers, especially at Christmas when they were overexcited. We did DS's first Christmas in our own home with PIL, his second at my parents - he got so excited he was awake until 5am on Boxing Day morning. Both ours needed peaceful beds on their own with no distractions.

That is precisely why after the second Christmas we said OK, we are never travelling with infants again. You are all welcome at our house and we will entertain you. And that's what we have always done. That's what your SIL should do too or at least sleep at her own house (if feasible) and do more travelling and visiting.

Good luck OP.

Although to cut crazy lady some slack, is the leaving on Boxing Day by a set time because they've got to be somewhere else (her parents?) for lunch? I've had to do the 'get up and go' instruction to DH when we've stayed over Christmas night at his parents before going to mine, I think it's a bit rude if you've agreed to do Christmas with one set then Boxing Day with the other if the other set get a bit 'short changed' because you arrive just as food is going on the table for lunch, whereas on Christmas day you arrive at the first set with time to enjoy company before lunch - or even stay over Christmas eve so giving that side of the family a full day.

It's not completely off to decide if you've said you'll go to the other set of parents for the day to leave first thing so you aren't just going for the afternoon, but for the bulk of the day. It could be she thinks having Christmas eve and all of Christmas day at one set is more than fair, and staying for Boxing day morning (which if your DDs arrive at 9:30, by the time they are settled, gifts opened, caught up for a reasonable time, it could be the whole morning gone) is getting a bit much.

Just tell her ds will be in the bed. She can sort out her dd however she likes, but ds will be in the bed.
Although it seems trivial and a lot of upset over one night, her stance on this is indicative of an attitude.
Put her straight. Be calm be cool, but put her straight.

Just put your DC in the bed. Or put your DC to bed before hers in the room the children can share. She wouldnt dare wake up a sleeping child! Dont discuss pandering to such lunacy, direct action is the way forward!

Gosh, I remember this too!!!

I remember this! They're mad. And I'd point out to them at no matter how settled DN is in her own bed at home a different place to sleep will change things slightly. My DS is 18 months and is always a bit funny when sleeping anywhere but his cot in his room at home. DD was the same He gets over it and so do we. Such as life with small children.

Have a lovely christmas despite their selfish spoilt behaviour

Thank you all, I'll follow your advice and calmly just put DS to bed in the bed. Maybe suggest shared bath/story for them both. Smiley cheerful calm but firm.

I AM a grown up I can do this.

Trying to see her side here.

We went on holiday with our friends and their 2 DDs that are a lot older just cannot share a room together. Seriously they were up until well after I headed off to bed and just wouldn't settle at all, so it could be that their DD is like that. I also remember when DS was young that I couldn't bare to share a room with him as he kept me awake most of the night, but I certainly wouldn't be putting out other people as she is doing.

As their DD is in the cot, why not suggest that they put that in the living room if they feel she needs to be on her own. Absolutely agree that your DS should sleep in the bed as there is one available.

Go you! You're not being unreasonable, she is! The more reasonable you are the more she will look like a total knob not that its difficult, by the sound of it like the others have said.