Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should rsvp to a wedding invitation email?

38 replies

Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 17:35

DP and i have had to bring our wedding forward to Jan. So about 4 weeks ago DP emailed all his friends (we don't have their addresses and thought email would be easier) inviting them. But to date only 1 has replied.

The wedding is now in less than 2 weeks. We know it's short notice and close to xmas, so didn't expect them all (or even many) to be able to come. But we would expect them to at least answer and say thanks but no thanks.

We were planning on doing a bigger summer reception for everyone, as we thought most would not be able to come. But now i am reluctant as i think a) they wont bother even answering or coming and b) i don't want to bother spending money on people who can't be arsed to even answer an invitation politely.

I am really pissed off and DP is really upset. His parents aren't coming and only 1 friend will be there. So there will only be my parents and a few family friends of mine.

Also as no one has rsvp'd there is a chance some may just turn up - which we wont have catered for.

We are only having a pub do. But were planning to hire a nanny to look after ds for the evening so we could spend time with guests, however, we don't know if it's worth it if no fucker is coming.

I also don't want to chase people as i am now so cross I don't want to seem like we are begging them to come AARRRRGGH

So what should we do and aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 23/12/2012 17:36

You should follow up with phone calls. Not everyone is glued to email.

chrismissymoomoomee · 23/12/2012 17:38

I sometimes go weeks without checking my email. I delete the spam folder without checking. I would assume for something important people would call me. Yabu.

RyleDup · 23/12/2012 17:39

You need to ring round.

lovelyladuree · 23/12/2012 17:40

I want to know why you have brought the wedding forward. Just being nosey.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 17:41

Sorry not accurate. He messaged on facebook as that's how they all communicate. I don't use facebook but thought it was the same thing as email!

But they have all been active on facebook since so presume they have seen the message. I don't want to bug people, i just want a no.

OP posts:
TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 23/12/2012 17:42

Then bug people. Did he say 'please respond by X date'?

DIYapprentice · 23/12/2012 17:44

Send them a chaser saying you just need to confirm numbers for the booking. That usually gets people to say yes or no.

DontmindifIdo · 23/12/2012 17:44

ring round. Also did you just send a big e-mail with everyone on it? It might have gone in to several people's junk mail. Send individual messages if not. Anyone you are also friends via facebook, send the message again to them via that.

You can't assume people haven't responded because they can't be bothered, they probably haven't seen it.

DontmindifIdo · 23/12/2012 17:46

oh I see, you did your wedding invites via facebook.

E-mail each individually via facebook then asking if they are coming, not another group message.

Then call everyone again.

For your summer do, send formal invites out, not just a message. People tend to respond more formally to a formal invite.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 17:47

i have told him to chase up. i suppose i just expected 'oh congratulations mate, we can't make it tho etc'

i feel a bit sad we are having such a non event that people can't be arsed to even answer :(

I wont have any old friends there either as i don't have any. So we have a couple of people from our nct group who we only met a few months ago and some of my family. Wooooo go partaaaay!

We have brought it forward as we have to be married for our visa to move to the US for DP's work in the new year.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 23/12/2012 17:49

You put your wedding invitation on Facebook? Maybe they're assuming it's a very casual affair and you don't really need to know numbers in advance.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 17:51

Right i'm not sure if i'm understanding/explaining this - He emailed/messaged each of them directly via facebook. He didn't put it up on a main page or anything.

I wouldn't have thought you needed a rsvp by date, if they know the wedding is 5 Jan surely people know we need to know by then?

OP posts:
DIYapprentice · 23/12/2012 17:52

If you don't put in an rsvp date, then a lot of people assume you don't need an rsvp. Your fault I'm afraid!

BackforGood · 23/12/2012 17:53

I agree with Flogging.
You need to phone round NOW, and explain the circumstances.

BackforGood · 23/12/2012 17:53

(I mean that you need to know numbers, not any other circumstances!)

Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 17:56

Well it is a casual affair, but we will order food and i would expect people to at least say congratulations to show acknowledgement.

DP is a bit of a berk when it comes to arrangements and i am now worrying he hasn't messaged them properly. I think he should phone. But now it is so late if they haven't had the invite there's no way they'll be free. Or they'll think they are an after thought to make up numbers.

oh what a fucking disaster. 'look at us - the losers with no friends at our shite wedding'

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 23/12/2012 17:56

"i feel a bit sad we are having such a non event that people can't be arsed to even answer"

I agree, but I think an invitation via Facebook is a very casual way of doing it, so the invitees are being a bit casual about replying.

I hope you get a better response soon, and have a lovely wedding.

DontmindifIdo · 23/12/2012 17:57

Invites via facebook are normally relaxed affairs, it's not a 'formal event' type format. Contact each again directly, making it clear you need to confirm numbers. It is normal to including a "RSVP by" date on anything that needs confirming in advance, to not do suggests it doesn't need to be confirmed.

And it's Christmas season, 5th January sounds a long way away...

Grange · 23/12/2012 17:57

If he messaged on Facebook it normally shows when someone has read the message. Has he checked that?
I think you have every right to be upset, poor manners from the friends.

DontmindifIdo · 23/12/2012 17:58

Call them all and say that you've had to bring the wedding forward to 5th January and are they able to come? They won't look like last minute invites if you do it tonight.

TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 23/12/2012 17:58

Yes what DIY said. They are assuming you don't need an answer.

Contact them again.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 17:59

oh god DIY really? if someone invited you to a party/wedding you wouldn't answer unless you were instructed to do so specifically?

So 'would you like to come to mine for dinner on thurs' wouldn't be answered and the host would have to just wait and see?

Oh i don't understand people at all!

OP posts:
Laquitar · 23/12/2012 18:04

Are you sure they don't think Jan 2014?

They should have replied. Why are his parents not coming?

Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 18:05

Right, i'm going to insist on seeing the messages sent.

They were contacted directly Dontmind, it wasn't on an open page 'wahay come to my party', they were direct messages to each person specifically.

One person answered immediately so i know he sent something legible!

Bollocks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 18:06

Laquitar - they don't like me and don't leave their house.

OP posts: