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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws drinking whilst looking after baby

38 replies

franbella5 · 23/12/2012 17:20

My FIL has just brought my 16 m.o. DD back. He says that he has drunk two beers and then driven her home. DD has not napped enough, probably just a fifteen minute car ride to where they were going and looks poorly. FIL says that they have been at a relatives Christmas party for pretty much the whole day; 10am-4pm.

We rarely drink, and certainly not when driving. FIL and MIL are bid drinkers and prone to lying about how much they have drunk. AIBU to think that this is not acceptable.

OP posts:
topsi · 23/12/2012 17:22

I would not be happy with that TBH. It pissed me off enough when DH is looking after DS and has a few drinks but never to drive after drinking.

TeeElfOnTeeShelf · 23/12/2012 17:23

Well, drinking and driving is obviously not acceptable at all.

Drinking when minding a baby, if you're just going to be home, is not that big of a deal, IMHO. I have a glass a wine after my son is in bed quite often.

FelicityWasSanta · 23/12/2012 17:24

2 beers and babysitting- fine,

2 beers and DRIVING? No. That would be the last time they wee allowed to babysit unsupervised.

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 23/12/2012 17:25

Well drinking & driving is never acceptable but having a drink whilst caring for a child is not a big deal tbh.

CSIJanner · 23/12/2012 17:29

Sack them as babysitters. Let them come to you. On another note, they might be big drinkers which means they might seem to handle drink better, but he shouldn't have driven. I had this once with a colleague - I took his keys off and told him to cab it home, giving him the fiver to do so.

TheLightPassenger · 23/12/2012 17:31

2 or more beers and driving NOT fine. 15 minute nap, meh.

Beaverfeaver · 23/12/2012 17:32

When babysitting my sister's 6 month old, she always stocks te fridge with beer and wine for us and the freezer full of ice creams.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/12/2012 17:34

Driving - not ok.

Babysitting - absolutely fine.

LaCiccolina · 23/12/2012 17:36

Driving not bu, very much agree with u.

At home? Get a grip. A glass of wine/bottle between two will not render them incapable of anything.

LookingForwardToMarch · 23/12/2012 17:38

God no!

Wouldn't judge people that choose to do that but would never get drunk while I was in charge of a baby, mine or anyone elses

Just because if anything happened you would hope the person caring for your child would be in full control. Plus obviously when they are a bit older its quite scary to have the person that is suppossed to be looking after you slurring their words and giggling like an idiot.

I used to drink alot and think i was 'fine'. It wasn't until I was pregnant that I realised how different people look and act even after a few.

Original poster
franbella5 · 23/12/2012 17:38

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we don't ever have the odd drink, particularly when DD has gone to bed, but it just worries me that they so often lie about how much they have drunk, so I don't really believe that it is only two.

Maybe only having a fifteen minute nap is no big deal too, but she normally has an hour or so, and is now to tired to eat dinner - I don't fancy the repercussions of that during the night tonight! I suppose I just feel that they have made no concession to DD's needs and just taken her along as fetching accessory to a party they would have gone to anyway. Makes me not trust them and take little things much more seriously - need some perspective!

OP posts:
Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 23/12/2012 17:49

I think this is very much a personal thing. I wouldn't be happy

I always like to have one of us sober even at home. Three reasons

  1. always someone who can drive if need be
  2. no grumpiness the next day. 1 of us can let the other recover whilst the other entertains ds
  3. someone to make sober decisions about a situation
Witchety · 23/12/2012 18:06

You know they are big drinkers??

You know they are prone to lying??

Yet YOU let them do this? Op, YOU are the unreasonable one here!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2012 18:08

Stop letting them babysit then

You knew all this before.

Abra1d · 23/12/2012 18:11

It depends on the size and strength of the beer, really, doesn't it? Two small bottles of French beer over a four- or five-hour period would render most average-sized men perfectly legally able to drive, and I would have no problems about this. Your FIL would not be over the limit. Two pints of more alcoholic bitter twenty minutes before he got into the car would not be the same at all, though. If you think they are lying about quantities, that is different again, though. Saying he had two beers doesn't really tell us how much alcohol he has really drunk.

rubyslippers · 23/12/2012 18:12

You knew all this

Why did you let them babysit?

Witchety · 23/12/2012 18:13

And why did you let them babysit knowing they would drink and drive?

Why would any patent do that?

Witchety · 23/12/2012 18:14

*parent

ihearsounds · 23/12/2012 18:19

Drink driving, is a big no.
Having a drink, not a problem. I drink when they are in bed and when they are awake. Drinking in my home isn't a dirty little secret that needs to be hidden and only done when children are not here or asleep. But we don't get rat arsed.
Missing a nap, again not a problem. When my kids were babies, I used to always mess with their nap times, so if they got disrupted it wasn't a big deal.

kim147 · 23/12/2012 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocolateWindmill · 23/12/2012 18:42

Neither I nor DH will ever touch a drop if we're going to be driving, whether we're going to have anyone in the car or not. But especially if it were a child. Wow. No, not even 1 beer.

Amytheflag · 23/12/2012 18:44

It's not reasonable for them to be drinking while babysitting imo. Or drinking while driving obv.

But you know they are big drinkers and prone to lying and still let them babysit? That's not reasonable either really.

Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 18:45

you are allowed to drink and drive as long as you aren't over the limit. so for me it would depend on what beer it was and when drunk.

i also have no problems with a couple of drinks when babysitting.

BUT if it bothers you then i wouldn't let them sit again.

ItsaTIARA · 23/12/2012 18:51

Agree that two small bottles of beer over the course of 6 hours is not going to impair anyone's driving noticeably (although if you want to have a "zero alcohol if you're driving my DC" rule that's your choice).

And I think that if GPs are minding GCs then it's unreasonable to expect everything to revolve around baby's home schedule - wanting to take her along to a daytime party and show her off is entirely normal.

But if you don't believe them then there's a fundamental trust issue.

IceBergJam · 23/12/2012 18:55

You should not have let them babysit, or found out their plans.

Drink driving is a big No to me. I think there should be zero tolerance and a ban on drinking any alcohol if driving. I can be under the limit and not fit to drive. So others can be.

Agree older generation see this differently. I know a lot of older friends who will drink several drinks and drive .

Drinking while looking after a child is fine if done sensibily.