After 20 years, family still can't get my name right?

[mayihaveaboxofchoculaits]

So been married twenty years,and christmas cheques to teenage nieces and nephews are flying around, as they do, at this time of year.

I never changed by name at marriage and have a joint account with dh.

On numerous occasions family members have got my name wrong,and ive laughed it off, and yet again another two cheques turn up from my brothers addressed to the ficticious person with my first and h's last name.
These are unusable.I have told them that, sothey can keep their records straight,and that its the thought that counts, but really what message are they sending me?
I think I can guess,but I feel mean for thinking it.

You are over thinking it. I've had my first incorrectly spelt by family before, it just means they are busy and have made a mistake.

That would really annoy me. Glad you told them. What did they say in response?
Never understand the presumption in this century that people have with regards to wives names.

It doesn't seem to be a simple mistake though - from what op says it seems the family feel she should have changed her surname to that of her husband's - they're not getting her Christian name wrong. Ask for vouchers in future!!

Speak to your bank, mine let DH pay in checks to "Mr and Mrs Don'tMind" after we got married before I got round to changing my name. (my maiden name isn't one I wanted to keep, but it was a while before I got bank accounts changed).

If you really can't use them, send them back with a polite note saying you can't use them. If this happens every time, they might stop.

My dotty great aunt once write me a cheque in my first name and my MOTHER'S maiden name. I wanted to leave it but mum insisted we tell her as she'd be upset if it wasn't cashed (wedding present).

It took us forty five minutes to convince her that the bank wouldn't let me lodge it as it was mums maiden name not my maiden name and it had never been my name! I was so embarrassed that I wish we'd left it alone.

Do you think they'd notice them not being cashed if you just left it, OP?

Have you tried to use them? Cashiers can usually work with most variations on names, especially in the joint account circumstances.

Thanks for the replies, I send cheques direct to nephew and nieces and theres no bother,it would be easier for brothers to do the same. But each to their own. I am a sahm, with no income, so it rankles if I let it.

Oh, if it's cheques, I'd let them know, but don't worry about it 'meaning' anything.

I spell my name one way and have done as long as I remember - my entire family spells it differently, and have done as long as I remember. My DH is appalled each time, but I really don't think that its meant as an insult.

Hi, I've been with my DH for 25 years, married for 17 years and my FIL still spell's my first name wrong! it's got to the point now that I think he is either just trying to annoy me or is just generally stupid.

Sorry to hear about your annoying predicament. I occasionally have the same problem--one relative keeps passive-aggressively sending me cheques made out to the wrong name.

I simply pay them in to my bank account using the automated paying-in machine. They have always gone through no problem, even though the cheque is made out to Mrs Myfirstname DHsurname, and my account is in my name (Ms Myfirstname Mymaidenname).

Clearly, the bank doesn't bother to check.

My own Dad, whom I see at least every week, cannot spell my name despite him being the one to give it to me.

He never has done, so it's not an age thing.

Sorry, that was a bit misery-competetive - meant to say, I know how irritating it is and how big it makes you feel

The bank will let you cash the cheques is you go in with your marriage certificate.

I know because both mine and DH's family regularly "forget" that I haven't changed my surname (I forgive them, they are all old and stuck in their ways ).

I tihnk you really should try to cash them into the joint account - they will probably take them. Perhaps call first to check, it might be you need to go with your marriage certificate this time. Then tell your family that it's the wrong name and it causes problems paying them in.

YAB a wee bit U - its still usual for women to take DH's name on marriage and I doubt the cheques are actually unusable - take to bank with a copy of your marriage certificate and you'll be able to pay them in - I have paid in cheques in married name when I was still using maiden name (by taking marriage certificate) and also more recently paid in cheques in maiden name even though I use my DH's surname, again with copy of marriage certificate - should be easier still with joint account...

Badbride thats a good idea (paying in via autobank) might do that in future. Ive torn up the cheques this time, since rhese are gifts and relatively small amounts.

I have the opposite problem - I did change my name (13 years ago!) but my family just forget and send stuff to my original name!

I agree with the others who say you can pay them in over the counter into your account using your marriage certificate. I've done this in the past.

This, however, involved a good 15-mins of negotiation with the cashier, her supervisor, his supervisor etc etc, a lot of shaking of heads and "it's against our policy, but we'll let you off this once, blah blah blah."

Shoving said cheques into the paying-in machine, OTOH, takes all of 30 seconds and no hassle. IME, Banks don't bother checking the names on low-value cheques. I've even paid in cheques made out to my husband (with his consent!) into my account this way.

Of course, if your relatives are sending you cheques for several thousands of pounds, I'd be inclined to suck it up and open an account in my "married name"

oops! Sorry OP, our posts crossed!

It took my sisters about 10 years to remember I'd changed my name. But not on checques though - that would really make me cross.

The one person who puts the wrong first name on cheques to me is my own mother.

That would annoy me enormously. My MIL in my first marraige was like this, she would always say well you are Dr xxx(my name) but you are Mrs yyy(first husband's name). I am afraid as a person who feels very strongly against women changing their names at marriage (and she knew that but would never ever accept it) I used to get very hot under the collar about this!

I've tried paying in over the counter with marriage certificate to no avail. Separate bank accounts though. Which bank has these auto paying in machines? My local Lloyds doesn't, only the one where you put it in a letterbox in an envelope.

@mistletoes I think most banks have them, perhaps not all branches though.

My family are guilty of this. I'm not even married, yet receive things as firstname dpslastname, or firstname mothersmarriedname and very very rarely do I get the correct firstname mothersmaidenname. It is rather annoying, but thankfully if they are giving cash as a gift, they now do a transfer into my account rather than hand out cheques.

Thanks Bad it might be because I live in a small town, will take it with me next time I go somewhere bigger. I also have a Barclays account so I do have other options.