To not give ds one of his hoped for presents because his behaviour has been awful?

[Feelingunfestive]

Ds is 3.6. He has always been difficult but the last few weeks he has just been pushing the boundaries all the time. He does something and then says sorry and thinks that's ok. I've tried time outs, removing toys, removing tv time, naughty step, working towards rewards, giving stickers etc and not much makes any difference. He is just difficult, stubborn and extremely extremely aggressive. In fact he is getting more aggressive all the time. Extremely rough and aggressive play which has hasn't learnt from anywhere, he just seems to be programmed to do it.
This afternoon he broke a Christmas ornament at my parent's house despite being told not to play with it, threw his shoes at me, smacked my dad (his grandad) and lay on the floor and screamed with temper when told not to bounce on the sofa.
I just don't know what to do with him. I don't especially like him and just worry he is going to be one of "those" kids. Always in trouble at school, no friends as everyone fed up of him pushing and snatching. He is huge for his age as well which doesn't help as he isn't aware of his own strength.

I feel like cancelling Christmas tbh, which is unreasonable I know. I honestly feel like taking down the tree and saying Santa isn't coming because of your behaviour. I won't, because I know logically it would be over the top, but I'd like to. Instead I am thinking about holding back one of this main gifts from Santa that he has asked for (he could have it at his birthday instead) because I do feel that he doesn't really deserve to be rewarded at Christmas time when his behaviour has been so awful. Wibu to do that? He'd still have other stuff but surely he is now old enough to understand consequences.

I wouldn't call it cuntish, pointless but not cuntish

He is only three. I'd usually take a strict attitude with children but honestly you can't really deprive a three year old of a favourite present even if he is being awful. Sorry you are feeling like this. But my DS had a friend who was a total and absolute pain in the neck when he was a child and now he is the most charming and politest of all his friends!

I despair that some people think AIBU is a licence to be arsey towards people who are obviously at the end of their their tether.

O.P, I concur with what others have said, that it wouldn't benefit him to withhold the present, but can completely understand why you feel like doing so.

Would more physical activity help him burn off some energy and be a bit more manageable? Apologies if you've tried this already.

Op - when you have a dc whose behaviour is/was challenging (I have one challenging and one very well behaved) then you have to do some things:

1. Accept that for some time, you will have to be continually managing his behaviour - one serious punishment like the one you a suggesting will not cure the problem. The cure takes place over a year or 2 IME. I am now regularly complimented on the behaviour of my 6yo who used to be a little crazy shall we say! He still has his moments but on the whole, he is fine.

2. try not to think negatively of him compared to other dc. My 2 DC are very different - one behaves naturally and the other needs to make an effort to do so.

3. work with nursery/school in partnership to fix the issues.

get on his side.

He is very active and energetic but that isn't bad behaviour it's just how he is. It is harder in the winter with the days being shorter and wetter to get out as much but we do go out everyday. He has been ill this week so we did have a couple of days in which maybe hasn't helped.
Being tired makes him much much worse. He has been more challenging than most since he was born. Sleep has always been a huge issue and I think he is often overtired. Food is also now an issue.
Of course I love him but I do find it hard to like him when I'm being constantly smacked, pinched and "shot" at. Very very hard. And taking him anywhere is a trial. It makes me sad because I plan things for us to do and see other children enjoying themselves and mine is screaming on the floor. I do know he is easily overstimulated so I try not to take him places that might be overwhelming for him.

Oh and because dh is away a lot and works very long hours this all falls on me. I don't get much of a break and dh has never done the bathtime / story / bedtime routine which is always horrific. Sometimes I think if I had some space it would give me a bit of a break and some perspective. Not ds's fault but doesn't help I think.

He is 3y. It is coming up to Christmas. He will be even more wound up than ever. His behaviour is going to be far worse than normal in the past 2 or 3 weeks in the run up, at its worse now as it gets closer.

He will not understand the cause and effect of losing a Christmas present. It is a cruel tactic imo, it's not what Christmas is about.

" I don't especially like him" - I think you need to work on improving this bit more than anything else tbh. You need to seek out every single positive thing from him you can. You need to reward him for every little tiny good thing he does. This will help both him, in terms of he will see that good behaviour = praise and mummy's smiles, but also you two, you will focus more on his good points and hopefully you will begin to like him a lot more. Even at three a child will pick up on your feelings towards him, and this will affect how he behaves.

op, is he at nursery or pre-school?
have you spoken to anyone about your worries? your hv may have some stratagies that you could try
if he does go to nursery then speak to his key-person and the manager about doing some observations and looking for triggers for his behaviour
it will help just to get to talk to someone else
and it really doesn't matter if it is raining- just put on some wellies and a waterproof

Does he go to preschool or nursery? Could you look into this if not?
Do you have family close by who would care for him for a couple of hours once a week or so?

How is he on understanding things?

He is at nursery two mornings a week. Only started this term as I am a sahm. He does ten hours in total. They say he only wants to talk to the adults and doesn't bother with the other children much and is often withdrawn.

Understanding is good. He knows what he is doing is wrong, he just doesn't care much.
He is very full on, he doesn't stop from the moment he wakes until he goes to bed. He isn't very interested in toys, he wants to do a lot of imaginative play instead.
He does not sleep through the night and never has.

How is is behaviour at nursery? Is he very articulate? I am wondering if he is maybe gifted and talented and maybe a bit bored and in need of some extra stimulation.
Would increasing his time at nursery be an option? Could he do 5 mornings or a couple of full days?

He does sound like a normal 3 year old, and you just deal with each behavior as it happens and be consistent. Removing a Christmas present to him won't connect with his past behavior (anything that happened a half hour ago) so would be pointless to do.
It's like them misbehaving while out shopping and telling them wait till your father gets home. By the time Dad gets in to yell at him 8 hours later it would be forgotten and meaningless. and also a bit cruel.

I am easing him into nursery as he didn't settle very well at first. Ok now though, well doesn't cry when I leave him! I'm not sure about a full day as he'd have to stop for lunch and he's really funny about eating in public and certain foods. Think he'd be better with sandwiches but it's only hot lunches at nursery. At the moment we do things on the other three days (forest school, swimming and gym) but I may drop one of those and increase nursery hours after Christmas.
He is very articulate with a larger than average vocab I would say. He told me not to "be sarcastice" today when I said what a lovely day it was when it was throwing it down with rain. But I think that comes more from mainly interacting with adults than being particularly bright. I think he is probably average overall.

sacastic not sarcastice. That's not a word, clearly!

Oh he's one of the bouncy imaginative non sleepers LOL My oldest was like that.
I had to make sure he had lots of time at Nursery (we did 4 days), lots of outdoor play and runabout time and lots of imaginative toys, capes, hats, wigs, you name it. He was brilliant and finally started sleeping through the night when he was 5. Then as a teen I couldn't wake him up

My DS is 3.2 and displays some of the behaviour you've mentioned, albeit on a lesser scale. He also had an appalling sleep pattern until recently, which obviously had a knock-on effect on us during the day. It's hard to cope when you're all exhausted!
About 3 weeks ago I bought a sleep trainer clock and we are just starting to see real results. Dare I say it but I think his behaviour is improving.

Oh bring on the not getting out of bed teen years! Beats the up five times a night and awake at 5.30am times surely??

feelingunfestive, don't wish his life away
I have a 23 yr old and a 16 yr old and sometimes wish they were still little. They grow up so quickly.