AIBU to feel like an utter numpty because when the ticket collection on the train asked

[apostrophethesnowman]

...me for my weekly ticket I went into my purse and handed him my debit card instead! He and his colleague (and half the carriage!) thought it was very funny.

They reckoned that I've perhaps been doing too much Christmas shopping so my hand was in auto pilot.

Oh well at least it kept my fellow-commuters entertained on a cold dark winter morning!

Last week I couldn't understand why my boot wouldn't open. Not happy as new car and has had a few niggles with it. It was DH's car.

I have phoned DH to tell him he has left his phone at home twice. On his mobile.

Called the kids the wrong names.

Got up in a panic that we had slept in. Was a weekend.

I am sure there are lots more that I can't remember now.

Just lately I am somewhere else most of the time. I go upstairs and don't remember why. I am always using the wrong words. DD likes to pull me up on that . I think it is because I am beyond knackered.

Also someone moves my car in the car park too many times while I am shopping.

I gave the bottle of Calpol a shake before giving some to DS. No biggy except I'd already removed the cap. Even DS (18months) looked at me like the utter moron that I clearly am

I once asked the man in B&Q if the tin of paint I was contemplating would be enough for my room....
then there was the time I offered DH a lift into work as it was on my way, then forgot to stop to let him out

at this thread!

I've done lots of these things too.

I always cringe when I say 'thanks for calling' to the person I have just rung.

Also, whilst breast feeding, thinking that going to the toilet will relieve the engorged feeling instead of feeding the baby.

Spending a good few minutes yanking hard on the car door only to look up and see my identicle make, model and colour car parked a few feet further up the road .

I handed my (male) boss a sanitary towel instead of an envelope. That was awkward.

oh yeah!
I used to work in a call centre, and when I answered the phone at home, I would answer it "good afternoon, , nickel speaking, how can I help?"

This morning I went to the bank to pick up a change order, except I'd left the cash for it in the safe at work, and got all bewildered when the cashier patiently explained that I'd need to bring some money in for it as they didn't just hand out bags of £££'s out willy-nilly...

Yesterday, I spent minutes trying to zap open a car that apparently did not belong to me...

I had a colleague who brought her work shoes to work in a plastic carrier bag only when she went to put them on discovered she'd brought a bag of freshly picked green beans from her mum's garden instead.

I have lost count of the amount of times that I have got into the passenger side of the car, put on my seatbelt and then wondered where the steering wheel has gone. This usually happens at work where everyone in their offices are stairing out at me looking then

I was once driving along with DD in the back and had a mad panic that I wasn't wearing my glasses (which I am pretty much blind without). I pulled over to think of how I was going to get home safely without my specs, when I remembered I had my contact lenses in that day

I tried to drink my drink through the plastic stirrer (thinking it was a straw) and yes, everyone saw me do it !

Often flash my security pass on the light switch to get into the loo.

I do lots of these!
Trying to swipe my way into my house with the fob from work

Saying 'thank you' to cashpoints, and also staring dumbly with cash in my hand trying to work out how to make the draw open for change

Putting on a collegues coat to leave for the day- but wearing it inside out

And my favorite- dashing out the house for birthday drinks and throwing everything in my new birthday present handbag as i went- purse, mobile, keys, ashtray...... Wtf!?
Eeew!

BionicEmu - which in itself is fraught with difficulties as there are two hospitals in Nottingham! (there used to be 3, but the General is now something completely different)

DH used to pick me up from work if I was working late.

I had to lock up and leave by the back door. It was usually very dark and deserted.

I locked up one day and went over to (what I thought) was our car as I could make out somebody sat inside obviously waiting for someone. I pulled and pulled on the door, but it seemed to be locked. I started shouting at DH to stop fucking about then bent down to look through the window and realised it was a strange man looking quite afraid.

DH was sat in our car, next to this one, looking puzzled.

He said later that he "wondered why I was getting in another car"

I walked right past my house the other day. My mind was so full of cards and presents and wrapping and everything that I just carried on walking. My son stopped at the front door and shouted "Mummy! Mummy! What are you doing? Where are you going?" and even then I carried on walking for about another 10 seconds or so, before realising what I'd done. I had my keys in my hand and everything.

On the phone to my dad, chatting away, getting ready to go out. Had just moved house, so nothing had a "home". Found handbag, found purse, cigarettes, lighter, keys (this took about 5 mins) and started looking for phone. Not in bedroom, living room, kitchen. Starting to panic, and running out of time. "dad," says me, "I'm gonna have to call you back, I'm really struggling to find my phone." dad replies with, "lustyyyyy [really drawn out, elongated drawl type thing, how do you thing we're talking?!" I was very

I love this thread. Please can it go to Classics?

I'm not a Catholic, DH is. We went to a wedding when we were newly serious and he prepped me on 'do this, do that.' Except he forgot the handshake of peace thingy (sorry I don't know the name). So very elderly relative turned round to me and mumbled something and offered me his hand mid-Mass, so I (very clearly and loudly) said pleased to meet you! Que silence...

*cue. I think?

I've stood trying to open my house with the car remote fob.

And driven back to my house on auto-pilot after an event then realising the person I've been giving a lift home to is still sitting there in the passenger seat, looking at me all 'why are we at your house?'

And I cannot stop myself from waving 'thank you' to the person who's stopped at the other side of the one-way traffic lights at roadworks, even though they've had to stop...

Loving genuflecting in the cinema :o

So far I have managed to avoid getting in the wrong car but I have got in the passenger door behind the driving seat as well as the passenger seat in the front when I'm alone and no one else is there to drive last time was on Friday I'm really hoping my physio didn't notice me nonchalantly getting out again walking round the car and driving off

I loved genuflecting in the cinema too .