to NOT buy this boy a Christmas present (again!!!)

[ginmakesitallok]

So - know there have been a few threads like this but... All chirstmas shopping done - was looking forward to not having to leave the house to brave the shops. DMIL has just called to say DPs cousin has bought presents for our 2 DC, so we will have to get something for her son. We never see this cousin, and haven't seen wee boy in years. Why should we have to go out to get him something? DP says we should. I say we shouldn't - if we do then this will just happen every Christmas.

I agree to abide by the MN jury...

You will feel more awkward not getting anything. How old is he?

I would, I would just feel too bad if I didn't. Do you have anything indoors you could wrap?

I won't feel awkward at all. We won't see them over Christmas - all presents left at MILs who acts a bit like the post office at this time of year. I don't know what age he is - 10? 11? Older than 9.

How old is he? Can you pick up an Itunes voucher from the supermarket? Or something like that? I can understand not wanting to brave the shops again.

Yes you'll have to give something even if it's just a tenner in a card.

I'd just get one of those chocolate selection pack things.

They're happy with money at that age. Perhaps a bar of choccie too. Easy

He's only a kid. I would get something.

ffs you guys - 6-0!

8-0

I would get him something, doesn't have to be very much.

YANBU

Don't do it.

I'm cursing BIL and SIL, who I assume are the senders of something requiring a signature that I now have to go and collect from the Royal Mail depot tomorrow. I have planned Christmas beautifully, such that the last of the shopping was done today and now all I have to do this weekend is chill.

Fuck 'em - I'm leaving it til after Christmas. We never see these people, but they know we both work full time.

I can see exactly where you're coming from - Christmas is ridiculously expensive enough, without having to get presents for people you never see/ don't really even know.
Are you getting together for Christmas Day though? Is that why you've been bought presents? I think I would buy some small gift in that case. If you're not likely to see them again, and you're not seeing them specifically for Christmas, you could probably get away with feigning ignorance and just saying thanks when your kids get yours!
(Be warned though - not the same thing, but similar, we once agreed "not" to do presents with particular family one year, only they went ahead and bought a load of gifts while we bought nothing. It was mortifying being given presents and not giving back!)

No - we won't see them over Christmas at all. If MIL hadn't called then we could have feigned ignorance, but I suppose we're stuck now. God I sound full of Christmas spirit don't I? Will get him something in Sainsbury's when we're in tomorrow.

I would be irritated too

Tenner in a card and make it abundantly clear that you are not doing presents next year.

Let DP do it, as he wants to.

Doesn't every mother have a stash of emergency presents?

I wouldn't, maybe I'm a killjoy but unless he bought the presents himself he won't even know that his parents did and if you don't see him he won't notice that you didn't. If you do it this year you will start a precedent for next year (and the one after that, and the one after that etc)

If you aren't seeing him, I wouldn't buy anything. He probably won't even notice. But then I haven't even exchanged gifts with my own cousins for years, never mind my husband's cousin's child (whatever relation that is!!!)

It's DPs cousin, let him sort it!

Stash of emergency presents only works for kids similar in age to your own though secretsanta, I'd have nothing for a 10 year old boy, no chance unless he was very young for his age... :o

YANBU and your MIL and the cousin have put you in an awkward position - if it were my mother I'd suspect her of having told both sides that the other had bought in order to get you both to buy, she does things like that thinking its in the interest of keeping the family close or some such rubbish - she intermittently suggests I contact my cousins, whom I have nothing in common with, never have, and haven't seen in 20 years aside from one of them, once, briefly at a wedding...

People buy too many random people they don't know and don't in all honesty care about presents. I wish everyone would stop it and only buy for people they actually love and care about and want to give to (aside of course from lovely charity giving to children whose families can't afford it - but the giving to your uncle's neighbour's cousin's grandson is all a bit out of hand...) When you don't know the child, unless you give them money, the odds are hight that you'll spend your money on something they don't even want and then their parents will force them to write you a thank you letter so they'll resent you even more :)

Buying reinforces the whole sorry, wasteful cycle... but the implied emotional blackmail element is strong, as is the associated guilt if you don't buy...

I'm with those who say DP should sort it.

you dont know what MIL is saying - I suspect she likes "hosting" christmas get togethers and having kids receive gifts at her home - she might be emotionally blackmailing THEM by saying YOU have/will be getting their DS a gift.

Break the cycle - don't do it- if they really want to carry on giving gifts, they can - if they are only doing it to receive in return, they will stop and you will have nothing to feel guilty about.

This year, for the first time, I have decided NOT to do gifts for my bro and his DC - these have always religiously been left at M&Ds for them to collect if/when they visit them (once a year if they bother) - except for the first 2 birthday of my DD (who is 13 now) my 3 kids have recieved nothing else ever. I refuse to carry on doing it "for show"

Bah humbug!

oh and absolutely, if DH thinks it should be done, he sorts it. unless you think he'll spend ££