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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am, just disappointed - knock some sense into me please!!!

36 replies

itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 10:57

Dh has been working really, really hard recently, has barely seen the DC etc.

We've really been looking forward to him having 2 weeks off over christmas. I really couldn't wait for today. He asked me to get steak and chips (his favourite meal, I'm not that keen on it) for us to have tonight.

Today he's texted asking me to give him a lift back to work at lunchtime cos he's going out for drinks after work, and to eat without him.

I KNOW he's been working really hard and I don't at all begrudge him going out and am always happy to look after the dc so he can.

But I just feel disappointed that today he wants to push off early and go out with his work colleagues while I get to pack for our trip away tomorrow, put the kids to bed on my own again and eat by myself in front of the telly.

The stupid thing is that I wouldn't mind him going out at all if I'd know that that's how today was going to be.

I've asked if the DC and I can come and pick him up at about 6 and have a drink there and I'll drive us home but he doesn't want us there :( which I can kind of understand but lots of his colleagues have DC and take them along to these things.

I just feel a bit sad that he's out celebrating the start of the christmas holidays while I'm stuck at home. And I KNOW it's not a big deal!!!!

OP posts:
theleanandhungrytype · 21/12/2012 10:58

it is a big deal though

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola · 21/12/2012 10:59

I'd be sad too.

A bit more than sad, actually.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh · 21/12/2012 11:01

[sigh] men. when are they going to wise up?

Witchofthenorth · 21/12/2012 11:02

id be well pissed off!

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake · 21/12/2012 11:02

I think you should say exactly as you've said - that you would have been fine with some warning but actually you are disappointed that your plans are now being changed and you would prefer them not to be.

VinegarTits · 21/12/2012 11:03

i can understand why your disappoointed, but you have got the next 2 weeks with him, its only one more day then you have him all to yourself, think of it as your last day of being able to hog the tv remote

everlong · 21/12/2012 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyTurkeywiththetrimmings · 21/12/2012 11:05

Especially disappointing when you've had to plan a meal you're not keen on, just for him.

I can empathise - my DH has been busy building up his hrs so he can take the 2wks off & go to his Xmas do whilst I'm trying to juggle a not yet 6wo & 2.8yo by myself. Unreasonably I feel cross that I'm having to do everything alone, but I can't help it!!

Hope you have a Merry Christmas anyway.

angelicstar · 21/12/2012 11:05

I think he is being incredibly selfish actually.

You say he has been working really really hard but I assume that you have been working very hard too and thats includes whether you are a SAHM/WOHM or one of the many variations. You have been busy looking after the DC and probably organising Xmas stuff too! Why does him having a break take priority over you getting a break?

A fair compromise would be for him to maybe have one festive drink after work and then come home early to spend time with the children and you get to have your nice meal together.

I think you just need to tell him how you feel. Say that you are tired and that you would like him to come home at X time as you and the DCs are his family. Sorry but family should take priority over works drinks at any time but especially Christmas!

Nancy66 · 21/12/2012 11:06

He's just having a drink with his mates - then he'll be at home for a fortnight.

Sounds fair enough to me.

Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:07

Thanks.

Vinegartits - I know, you're right and that's what he's saying and I see his point of view, I really do.

I've asked him to think how he'd feel if I just dumped the kids on him at the last minute so I could go off and enjoy myself.

Pissed off now as it's degenerated into an argument and I don't bloody want to spend the evening with him anyway now. We're going to stay with people tomorrow for a week so we won't actually have any time alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:12

Right. Sod him.

I'm going to do something fun with the DC instead to celebrate. He can come home when he likes

he better not get too pissed though he's got to drive 150 miles tomorrow

OP posts:
SomethingProfound · 21/12/2012 11:12

While its understandable that he want to have a few festive drinks with his work mates the key thing is he has already made plans with you. To just change his mind is disrespectful and hurtful and doesn't show any regard for your feelings.

Also if you are going away tomorrow should he be going out drinking? (Assuming you will both be driving)

SomethingProfound · 21/12/2012 11:13

Wants not want

Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:14

Something profound - I know, the driving thing is why I thought it'd be sensible if he just went for a few and left early with the me and the DC. God know what he's thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:14

I'm not insured on his car so can't do the driving.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 21/12/2012 11:22

dont let it cause a fight, just get him back in other ways, like get up really really early with the kids and make lLOTS of noise, stick the steak in the freezer for another day and buy yourself a really nice treat for tea

works nights out are not actually all your think they are going to be, you get pissed, you talk shite and you feel like you want to die the next day

ceebie · 21/12/2012 11:29

I think your idea of doing something nice with the DC is a great idea... go out for food or get a take-away (tonight will be v busy), watch Christmas videos or something?

Icelollycraving · 21/12/2012 11:30

If you are getting two weeks with him,I think it's ok for him to go & get a bit pissed relax with friends. As for the steak,stick it in the freezer & order a takeaway on his card. Sorry you feel a bit let down.

FamiliesShareGerms · 21/12/2012 11:31

"get him back"?

Personally I hate that sort of passive aggressive stuff: either you're fine with him going out tonight (and you therefore don't need to "get him back"), or you're not, in which case hopefully you reach an agreement about how long he stays out and what he needs to do in the house before you go away.

OP, I'd be disappointed too, but I don't know whether I would insist he keep to his original plan to be home for dinner or not. I find packing with DH hovering around worse then getting on with it alone

Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:37

Thanks all.

If he's going out spending money drinking tonight then I am DEFINITELY spending money taking the DC out for somewhere to drink...maybe if go somewhere local and don't drive I could have a small glass of wine while they eat...hmmm

OP posts:
Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:38

oops, somewhere to eat!

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 21/12/2012 11:39

jeez chill out (bet you hate that one too Wink)

op is obviously dissapointed, i was just trying to lighten her mood
Smile

'I would insist he keep to his original plan to be home for dinner or not' what is he 12? Hmm

Original poster
itsmineitsmine · 21/12/2012 11:42

Gah! Now he's saying he feels like he can't go now.

Wish I'd never said anything now. I don't bloody want to spend the evening with him knowing he'd rather be somewhere else.

Hope he does go now!

OP posts:
ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 21/12/2012 11:43

Drop the kids off at whatever pub he's in and come and have a drink with me?