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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not gone with DH to party because I don't want a sleepover?

32 replies

MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 07:23

Long story short...we're abroad for christmas in DHs country. It's evening here now.

We were meant to go to a friends party tonight. We saw them a few days ago and it's a bring-the-kids type party...there will be some drinking but mainly eating and the hostess has got a thing planned where she's got gifts for all the DC under the tree. I told DH that I did not want to stay the night...as I have my period...my periods are monumentally heavy.

I get bad cramps, clots...t's horrid. I don't want to sleep in their teenage DDs bed as they offered when I am in this state.

It's a 45 minute drive. DH had a tantrum about this and went mad that I spoil his fun all the time (I dont')

I really wanted to go but as I cant drive, DH would have to not drink. He was not willing...even though he wouldn't be getting very drunk because the DDs are with us....he's notwilling to go from 5 beers to only 1....

I just waved them all off and am basically really hurt. The DDs were a bit upset I am not going and I think DH thought I would relent at the last minute and go. But really...would you sleep out when you dont know the hosts that well when you're on a massive period?

OP posts:
EuphemiaInExcelsis · 21/12/2012 07:30

No way! I wouldn't sleep a wink.

I do think you need to have a talk with DH about his comment that you spoil his fun all the time.

YANBU

INeedThatForkOff · 21/12/2012 07:35

You've posted about this holiday before haven't you? It really seems to be bringing out his selfish, immature side.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 07:35

Thank you. I feel really pissed off actually. I hope the DDs have fun...but feel they sense that I wanted to come though I tried to keep DHs and my argument way from them.

I'm sure they'll enjoy themselves once they are there. DH just wants to let loose I know...but it felt selfish of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 07:36

I know Fork he misses his home country but then when he's here, he seems to think he can do as he did when he was here as a young man....he regresses.

OP posts:
diddl · 21/12/2012 07:36

I think he´s being mean tbh.

But I say that as someone who doesn´t drink much, & is married to someone who will happily not drink when driving.

I don´t get the "it´s no fun if you don´t drink"

So there would be a bed for you & your husband & the kids would crash on the floor?

I´d probably be the one saying it sounds like fun for one night & husband being the one offering to drive to sleep comfortably in own bed!

I can quite understand why you didn´t want to stay.

I once "flooded" at 14yrs old in a relatives bed.

Most mortifying thing ever worse than when I pooed giving birth!Blush

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 07:38

Diddl no there are two beds n the DDs bedroom apparently. I really can't relax in this state....I'm sleeping on a towel at MILs with pants and pjs on....to avoid runing her sheets. At least I can do the laundry here though.

OP posts:
MoaneyMcmoanmoan · 21/12/2012 07:46

Yanbu.

Hate massive periods. I'm due Christmas Eve Sad and dreading being at relatives houses for the day, let alone at night time.

I feel really annoyed/sad for you.

Do you have access to chocolate?

beckyboo232 · 21/12/2012 08:14

Yanbu I wouldn't be able to relax or sleep. I always flood the first two nights and just wouldn't stay away then. Your dh should understand this.

ifancyashandy · 21/12/2012 08:22

Going to buck the trend here. He is NBU for wanting to go (or going). These are people he gets to see once in a blue moon. He wants to go and really relax with them. And he's taken the kids - bonus!

But YANBU for not wanting to go. I'd have waved him and the kids off with a smile and enjoyed some peace and quiet.

Bunbaker · 21/12/2012 08:30

I agree with ifancyashandy. I can see both your husband's and your point of view. You have made the right decision to let them go without you.

A thought - have you any plans to learn to drive? As your husband is the only driver in your family he must get a bit pissed off at never being able to share the driving. I know I would.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 08:33

Yes Bun it's my new year's resolution. I was happy with my decision in a way but DH was moaning really because DD1 was a bit clingy and wanted me...she would be fine if jollied along but he's crap at that. She will hopefully cheer up when she gets there.

DH has kindly rung me from the service station to tell me DD was upset and complaining. Now that's mean of him I think because I'm now worried about her.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/12/2012 08:35

Would a taxi have been an option or is it to far away?

He should have compromised on the drinking so you could go as a family

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 08:45

It would have cost too much for a taxi. He should have compromised in my opinion.

OP posts:
Delayingtactic · 21/12/2012 08:47

Ah you see I could see his point up until he texted you. That's just a bit passive aggressive. He's her dad, sort it out! Chivy her along, play the super excited parent to cheer them up, don't text your wife in a spiteful way.

YANBU about not going. There is nothing more awful than flooding, it sometimes has happened to me at work and I've dreaded it

SantaFlashesHisBoobsALot · 21/12/2012 08:50

YANBU. And that phone call was totally uncalled for.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 08:50

He called me Delaying...I'm not sure what he wanted me to do. He was venting and wanted me to feel his pain I think.

OP posts:
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 21/12/2012 08:52

Reasonableness aside -have you spoken to a doctor about your periods?

You shouldn't have to be sleeping on a towel in pain.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 08:56

I know Trills they were bad after DD2 who is now 4 and then settled down...they've been bad again for the last few times. I know it's not something I have to live with. I'm going to GP when we get back.

OP posts:
Bluebell99 · 21/12/2012 08:59

Have you tried taking anything for the heavy periods? Can't remember the name, get it on prescription. It must be awful to have your life restricted because of this. What about learning to drive too? That would give you some control too as then you could have driven home.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 09:01

I have tried oil of evening primrose. When it's bad, I don't even want to go to the shops. I need to be near the bathroom all the time. It's horribly worrying. I sit down and think Im going to leave a mark! I know it's too much info. SOrry. I tried explaining to DH about it but he can't really grasp I don't think

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 21/12/2012 09:03

I have super heavy periods too so I feel your pain. No way would I sleep at someone elses house while I was on, and if my boyfriend tried to guilt/harass me into it he'd get a few short, sharp words on the subject.

Your husband should either have happily let you stay while he went and did the sleepover with the kids or compromised and drank less and driven everyone home. Either way he gets to go and have fun, he's just choosing not to because he'd rather sulk. Lovely.

I hope you have lots of painkillers and chocolate/wine/whatever gets you through!

whomovedmychocolate · 21/12/2012 09:07

Please go to the GP and get some meds to help your periods - you really don't have to put up with this. I am having endometrial ablation next month after having 30 years of really heavy periods and I can't bloody wait. For the last five years I've been on tranxemic acid and mefamic acid to control the bleeding coupled with some high grade iron supplementation because I lose upwards of a pint of blood a month (they measured it).

I entirely agree with you - I cannot and will not do things certain days a month because I know I will stand up and blood will gush out of me and it's horrible. It's mortifying to go to the school carol concert and be worried all the way through you will leak. It is not just you and you are right to work your life around it.

But please get some treatment. It's not normal.

Your DH is being a prat but honestly men don't really get what periods are like. My DH does because he's accompanied me to hospital when I've lost so much bloody I've needed emergency treatment and he's seen the bloodbath which is our bed when my period suddenly arrives. Much more sympathetic now obv. Also my gynaecologist sat down with him and explained in very plain terms what it does to you to bleed like that.

Your daughter will be fine. Your DH will be fine. But you need to look after you.

Original poster
MrsMushroom · 21/12/2012 09:54

whomovedmychoc thank you...HOw does the GP ascertain if your periods are heavy enough for treatment?

I have tried to explain graphically what it's like....told him about clots and the bathroom looking like a scene from Carrie...but yes, basically when I stand up if i've been sitting down for a while, it's a gush and it's horrible.

He rang me and said the DC were fine...enjoying themselves but he was all emotional and tearful! I think its a combo of him feeling guilty and maybe regretting insisting on sleeping over.

I often tend to give in to him iff it makes life easier on small things but I just HAD to put my foot down. If it meant missing out then fine. I am tryng not to feel guilty now!

OP posts:
Hoppingforsun · 21/12/2012 10:00

MrsM Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a haematology clinic where they can run a simple blood screen for bleeding disorders (they measure clotting time). It will change your life. If it turns out to be Von Willebrands Disease (which is the most common coagulation abnormality) then there is a simple nasal spray you can take during your period that will drastically reduce bleeding. Do it. And then learn to drive Grin

Haberdashery · 21/12/2012 10:06

What you need is tranexamic acid. Ask your GP. It has changed my life!