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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DH to come home early - or am I being needy?

26 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 22:10

Normally DH and I are quite independent: he even goes on short hols by himself, I go off to the gym of an evening and am off to a conference on my own next month, and although we generally know when the other one is coming home, we're not attached at the hip.

I've had a long, rough term, which is ending on Friday. Last night DH announced he was going out to a party on Fri night and would either get home on the last train or possibly stay over. I felt randomly gutted--I just really wanted to have a quiet evening in, have him around, actually remember what he looks like!!

WIBU to ask him to come home around 9 or 10, not too drunk, so we can have a bit of time together? Would you ever ask your partner/ husband to come home early just because you wanted them to?

Or am I just pathetic? :(

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 20/12/2012 22:13

Can you plan a really pampering night in for yourself tomorrow and then do something with your dp the day after? You'll probably feel knackered tomorrow anyway and might enjoy him more the next day!

MikeLitorisHasChristmasLights · 20/12/2012 22:13

If I had a night out planned and dp asked me to be home early just to hang out I would say no.

Why cant you do something on saturday night?

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 20/12/2012 22:13

Let him have his party night! Treat yourself to something really nice for tea, then a bottle of wine and a movie only you like.

You have two weeks for nights in. Xmas Smile

Alternatively, you could tidy away all those bags of stuff you've brought home at the end of term, and do some planning for next term. Xmas Wink

CoolaYuleA · 20/12/2012 22:15

Personally I'd arrange to see him on Saturday as he already has plans.

I wouldn't ask DH to change plans to spend a quiet night in with me, I'd arrange time with him when he didn't have plans.

larks35 · 20/12/2012 22:18

Go with Remus's plan. Get some nice nosh, a bottle of your favourite tipple, have a bath etc. No-one wants to leave a party at 9pm, especially if they'd initially planned to have a blow-out. I know how you feel, my term finished today and it has been a loooong time coming.

Izzyschangelingisarriving · 20/12/2012 22:20

I wouldnt ask this either.

ninah · 20/12/2012 22:21

are you a teacher RP? come on, you'll be asleep by 9.30 tomorrow, you know it! do something with dh later on!

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 22:22

Sorry, I should've said we are driving up to his family for Xmas eeeearly on Sunday morning and Saturday is all scheduled up for last minute Xmas chores. We are there till the 30th and then it's back to work for me.

I guess I felt like Friday was the one 'free' night we had somehow, but you are all right, it is unreasonable to guilt him into leaving early. This is what MN is for....

OP posts:
BackforGood · 20/12/2012 22:22

Look at it from the other point of view - you are all revved up to go to a friends party / work night out / whatever the occasion is, and your dh says "please can you cmoe home by 9" - not because you are struggling with new baby or anything, but just because he fancies a quiet night in. How chuffed would you be ??? Hmm
Don't do it.

NotMostPeople · 20/12/2012 22:22

I felt a bit like that about DH being out tonight, but I don't have an actual reason other than I'd like to spend the evening together and we haven't been able to for a couple of nights. It was booked into the diary, he's a good man and he's allowed to go out for a few beers pre Christmas. Tomorrow Christmas can start for everyone, kids all finish school etc. suck it up, let it go etc.

WorraLorraTurkey · 20/12/2012 22:24

No I wouldn't ask this and I wouldn't expect to be asked either.

Especially as you've both be off for Christmas.

whyno · 20/12/2012 22:26

I'd ask him. It's fair enough if you don't make a habit of it. Smile

F0xyLady · 20/12/2012 22:28

Nope. In the same sort of boat and DH is off on his work night out tomorrow. To be honest I can't wait to have the house to myself (apart from Dd who'll be in bed asleep I hope).

I'm on my own night out on Saturday too so won't see him then.

But I can guarantee I'll still be sick of him by the end of the Xmas hols.

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 20/12/2012 22:32

No I wouldn't ask this & would be royally pissed off if DH did it to me tbh.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 22:36

Yeah, you are all right, of course!

Just feel so tired I can hardly think and all stupidly emotional. Probably not the best time to ask him to spend a lot of time around me!!

This isn't his works night out, btw - that was last week - and I stayed up till 12.30 to pick him up though I had to be up at 5.30 the next day for work. So I am generally a good sport.

It's just it won't be the two of us for all of the holidays and then it's back to the grindstone straight away. But yes, I will suck it up, go to bed early and wake up more reasonable :)

OP posts:
Casmama · 20/12/2012 22:45

You could always say that you want to come back from his family early so you can have a night in/out together.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 22:48

Thanks Cas - but family live about 350 miles away and it's kind of all planned - coming home early would cause ruckus and tbh, I don't want to, I like PILs a lot. Never mind, I will get over it -- planning to make him take me out for dinner in January Xmas Wink

OP posts:
zipzap · 20/12/2012 22:50

Unfortunately I think he beat you to it. If you were thinking a nice quiet snuggly evening before the chaos of Christmas descends would be nice, then you need to tell him - he won't necessarily have thought of it.

If you had arranged it already and he then said about the party, then you could ask him to come home earlier than anticipated. But if you thought about it but didn't actually say anything then I think it's too late - especially if you are used to doing things on your own sometimes. In his mind you were probably as likely as he was to have organised to go down the gym of for an end of term drink or something iyswim.

I do think it would be reasonable to ask him to try to make an effort to come home rather than stay over though - you can say it would be nice to have a night together and alone cuddled up before christmas chaos starts. And if you have a mad busy day of chores lined up for both of you then if he wakes up late, tired and hung over and then chats to his mates again and they decide to have a greasy breakfast in a caff or whatever - he could miss a big chunk of the day - and his share of the chores - leaving you with a nightmare of a day, especially if it is your deadline day of having to get things done by in order to go somewhere. (unless his family are not your favourite people, in which case instead of rushing round like a mad thing, you can say you will delay your departure by a day so he is able to do his chores as you can't do yours and his in the time available - might concentrate his mind if he wants to get to his family in good time...).

And next time - remember to tell him when you think of doing something together like this, even if it is just staying at home to snuggle on the sofa!

OverWintered · 20/12/2012 22:56

you know, I might feel a bit gutted at this. I think that is ok to feel that way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend some time with your DH. He has only just indicated that he'd like to go to this party. Is he really excited to go or maybe he would like to spend the night with you? Can you discuss it? If he's really up for the party then obviously let him go, be gracious about it. But maybe he'd like to get some nice food in, bottle of sparkling wine, celebrate the beginnings of the holiday with you?? You never know unless you ask.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2012 23:04

Thanks Over - don't like to ask unless it is construed as guilting him - yes, I should've got my head together earlier in the week and 'booked' him! We are/ were supposed to be going swimming on Saturday morning so I will remind him of that and ask if he still wants to go - hopefully he'll come home that night, then.

OP posts:
OverWintered · 20/12/2012 23:13

I know what you mean about the guilt thing! Only you can judge the situation and how he may repsond. If you've already reacted in a resigned or slightly miffed way then now suggesting a night in together may be misconstrued however sweetly/lovingly/flirtly you may suggest it!

KittyFane1 · 20/12/2012 23:37

Can you do the 'last minute Christmas chores' on Friday nigh so that you can have a lazy night on Saturday with DH? Or are there things DH needs to do? I ask because that's what I'm planning myself tomorrow night when we break up and before I collapse in a heap!

YerMaw1989 · 20/12/2012 23:55

I wouldn't be chuffed I'd just say no.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 20/12/2012 23:56

I know where you're coming from OP, but I don't think it a good idea, it'll be a sort of half and half evening for him...no time to enjoy either part of the evening properly.
Just enjoy having time to yourself, a good book or TV/film, a takeaway and a bottle of wine. Enjoy it and have a lovely Christmas break.

HermioneE · 21/12/2012 00:03

It's not very U in my opinion, I would ask my DH this but probably not just for being tired from work etc. With a little bit more specific stress or if I was feeling particularly run down then I might do it.

And you're definitely not pathetic, I would want to ask too in your situation.

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