Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

can somone hold my hand

41 replies

yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 20:35

My DD has just got out of bed for the 16th time come downstairs unscrewed her water bottle and threw her drink all over me..... i have had enough.

She is 6, yes there has been a lot going on in our lives at the moment but her behaviour is horrendous at bed time , she often reduces me and husband (her dad) to tears saying she hates us and wishes she was dead, she screams shouts kicks punches bites the lot i have no idea what to do with her. We also have 4yr old boys so she will often wake them up with her screaming.

I have spoken to her teachers, and they say she is lovley at school has lots of friends and is doing well and are shocked at what we tell them she does.

I am on my own with her tonight as DH is painting new house ready to move into for xmas.

I will listen to any advice anyone has and am willing to do anything, this simply cannot go on.

OP posts:
sittinginthesun · 20/12/2012 20:39

Holding your hand...

Is it just bedtime? Is she over tired - talk is through your routine.

gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 20:41

holding tightly - I have a very difficult 10 year old who hates me 90% of the time x

BumpingFuglies · 20/12/2012 20:41

Hi, no advice but and Thanks

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 20/12/2012 20:42

What's been going on? Will she tell you actually why she's doing it?

my 14 yr old mostly hates me

Original poster
yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 20:42

She is just so bad... and the things she says , i think i am a good mummy, so why the hell would she come down stairs and throw water over me..... she ran back up after

OP posts:
getoffthecoffeetable · 20/12/2012 20:43

Hand holding here too. Good luck.

squeakytoy · 20/12/2012 20:43

does she have special needs? if not, then why is she being allowed to get away with this behaviour?

gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 20:44

also see your GP

it's taken 6 years of battling to get DD1 a support worker - she has just been suspended from school for 3 days and FINALLY they have decided she DOES have behaviour issues - keep on keeping on and ask fro help from everyone - a lot, loudly and often x

Original poster
yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 20:44

Thats what worries me if she is this bad at 6 what the hell will she be like at 10 - there is no much else i can take away from her - she just dosnt care, but tomorrow she will be sorry and want hugs and kisses

OP posts:
PinkFairyDust · 20/12/2012 20:45

holds hands and sending you very unmumsnety hugs

Have looked after a child who is like this - have known family for 6 years and understand how tough it is for parents

Do you want to talk to us about why? And maybe someone can come though with helpful advice perhaps? Xx

gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 20:46

Give her hugs and kisses - don't hold anything against her - punish her for her behaviour and move on - please don't let her begin to think she's a bad person.

she does care - I bet she cares very deeply and hates herself when she is like this - she is very angry isn;t she - she needs to learn how to deal with that x

kinkyfuckery · 20/12/2012 20:49

Ask the school to put you in touch with School & Family Support.

Original poster
yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 20:49

no special needs - we were evicted made homeless have been offered a council place but it is really really bad condition DH has been there all week trying to get it livable as we need to move in by saturday. My mum (her nana) nad DH nan (her great nan) have both died all has happened in the last 6 months. So she has gone through alot but still....

I dont let her get away with it - She gets put back in bed with no eye contact or talking every time even if she is kicking or biting. she has her toys taken away her tv time taken her bedtime stories taken away we tried locking her door but she pull the lock off the hinge.

I have tried talking to her and she says she dosnt know why she gets so angry, me and DH both spent over an hour at bedtime with her and got the same result.... mostley in the daytime she is just a normal kid its like a red mist appears and she goes wild.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 20/12/2012 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 20/12/2012 20:51

Well if there´s a lot going on-is she picking up on that?

Does she want more attention/time with you?

Is the tantrum about going to bed?

Is there something she´s frightened of?

Assume if all´s OK at school she´s not being bullied or finding the work hard?

I agree with seeing GP-saying she hates you I think you have to try to not take to heart.

But wishing herself dead-that´s really sad.

Original poster
yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 20:52

i am hoping that when we move and she gets her own bedroom things will settle down she is off for 3 weeks now so we shall see. just have to wait for me to calm down and i will go and check on her.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/12/2012 20:52

Just seen about the bereavements-is she frightened to sleep in case something happens to one of you?

Is she nervous about the move?

peaceandlovebunny · 20/12/2012 20:53

handholding available anytime. and hugs.

do see the gp and look into counselling for her. being like this now, at a time when your family has been through so much, does not have to mean she will be the same, or worse, at ten.

sounds like you're doing all you can and need to call in some extra support. you're pretty special. you know what you're doing. even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 20:53

I think it's great that you are calming down before checking her - you being calm will help you both

I feel for you Yellow I really do

KenLeeeeeeeInnaSantaHat · 20/12/2012 20:53

Have you talked to a medical professional about any potential behavioural issues? My little brother had horrifically violent outbursts around that age but it wasn't until he was 12 and diagnosed with AS that we realised it was part of a broader condition and not just bad behaviour.

In the meantime, I shall hold your hand & send you lots of Brew and Thanks

Original poster
yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 20:56

Its heart breaking the things she says - i have no idea where it all comes from.

bedtime routine bath at 7 for her brothers (she might have a shower / jumo in with them/ or have a bath while i get the pj storied and bed. She has warm milk (if she has been good) stories then bed... if its a weekend we let her read for 10 minutes on her own before we come and turn lights out (she has a nightlight.

She also smashed a nightlight earlier in the week..... we heard a smash and then heard her say oh no now i will be in trouble....

Just heard her door creak open... will have to go and see what she is up to now. :(

OP posts:
PinkFairyDust · 20/12/2012 20:57

Daytime at school or daytime at home or both?

Or tired perhaps?

Every time she plays up due to bedtime I would put her bedtime forward by a min or two , don't interact with her and the next day I would say that you love her but as her behaviour was unacceptable at bedtime and due to this she is going to bed how ever much earlier. Don't mention it again till bedtime and give her a warning before telling her its her bedtime

gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 21:00

Hello Ken

It IS heartbreaking Yellow - my DD1 often says she wants to be put in care because we hate her and she wishes her sisters where dead :( it's horrible but she only says it because she is hurting and wants to hurt us

Original poster
yellowsheep · 20/12/2012 21:01

no idea what i heard but she is fast asleep, as are the twins i gave them all a kiss and am now going to have a hot cup of tea and a cry.

Thanks for the support xx

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 20/12/2012 21:01

oh and DD1 smashes things - she also rips up baby pictures, art work, cards and throws her clothes in the bin

Swipe left for the next trending thread