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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel that I am doing everything to make Christmas happen?

50 replies

loverofwine · 20/12/2012 20:30

Planned (and done most of) food shopping, prepared for (and made) the home made presents, organised all the others, only one to do any wrapping so far.

Bought, wrote, did pics for all Xmas cards. Sorted teachers presents. Made sure we were visiting all relevant laws and in laws. Organised tree buying/decorating party with mulled wine and in laws (eeeugh).

Feel like woman in ASDA ad. Without the irony.

BAH HUMBUG

OP posts:
webfizzystuff · 20/12/2012 20:43

Me too. I still have more running around to do tomorrow (and Sat and Sun Hmm). In DH's defence he's been massively busy at work but that doesn't exactly help my mood.

Bazinga12 · 20/12/2012 20:45

Me three. Although my DH has just text to say he's working late tonight and will also be working Monday when the IL's are coming for they day. Joy.

BabylonElf · 20/12/2012 20:45

Me too

Same every year, and every year I vow to take a stand and never do :(

It's one of the reasons I'm always ill in January I think, I'm so bloody run down and knackered from doing Christmas!

BabylonElf · 20/12/2012 20:47

I'd be rearranging the ILs visit Bazinga Xmas Hmm

In fact, I did, but that's a whole other thread!

MsElleTow · 20/12/2012 20:47

Me too!

I was in hospital on Tuesday and my consultant said I had to take it easy over Christmas! I laughed and said that Asda advert is about me!

I have done all the present buying and wrapping, DH likes the surprise of what we have bought the kids on Christmas morning! The food is being delivered on Sunday, the cards are posted. I just need to do a bit of baking and cook the dinner!

Julezboo · 20/12/2012 20:52

Me Four. Throw into the mix painting the house (I did one room, DH and I did kitchen and then i thought fuck it. I got painters in to do hall stairs and landing!)

It's almost here ladies Wine

Flossiechops · 20/12/2012 20:55

Lots of posters kicked up a fuss about that asda ad but I'm afraid to say I think it was spot on. I have done everything except buy the christmas tree. I work full time as does dh!

Purple2012 · 20/12/2012 20:57

I agree flossie. I have done everything apart from buying my present and the tree. I work full time shift work the same as DH.

MsElleTow · 20/12/2012 20:57

I agree Flossie. I have always done everything for Christmas. I don't think it was sexist, I think it is realist!

PoppyWearer · 20/12/2012 21:00

Same here, DH stupidly busy at work plus all the work drinks etc at this time of year. I've even bought his presents to me - at least I know I'll like them.

DH's redemption is that he takes over the kitchen from Christmas Eve and I will be in charge of laying tables and clearing up, but no actual cooking until our guests have all buggered off on Boxing Day.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/12/2012 21:00

Yes but your reality is a hideously sexist one!

And those of us that have a different reality can't contemplate why you would allow it to continue.

Your DH likes the surprise of what you have got the kids??? How old is he FFS. That has got to be one of the worst excuses for lazyitis I ever heard.

pleasestopcarolling · 20/12/2012 21:02

Find me a man who does Christmas -they're like little kiddies DH can't wait for Christmas - he'll have to wait till I get it ready for him - I've even planned in where and when he can buy and wrap my stocking presents - I arranged my main present too - I do make him pay for his family's and my presents. I gat the rest Xmas Hmm

pleasestopcarolling · 20/12/2012 21:02

get

kim147 · 20/12/2012 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

freddiefrog · 20/12/2012 21:06

My DH does Christmas. Actually, he does most of it as I can't be arsed to.

We do presents, food shopping, wrapping together. I cant be bothered with cards and co-ordinated napkins, he wants all that shit, he does it.

Purple2012 · 20/12/2012 21:07

I dont think the reality is a sexist one. We are a partnership and we have different strengths. I do all the cooking, and i mean all of it, even preparing in advance so if i am not home he heats up something for himself and my SD. I enjoy cooking, i enjoy baking and i like being organised.

I make themed christmas cakes for all my family and friends, this is my hobby so i shop for it and do it all. I am good at deciding/finding presents for all the family, and i do all the finances so it makes sense.

On the other hand i do very little cleaning all year. He does the majority of it and always has done. He also sorts out the car and the garden. He will also do the majority of the ironing. The only time i clean or iron is if i have a break from work and he doesnt.

Yes, i probably do more than him when you take it all into account, but if i ask him to do something he does it quite happily, and often tells me to leave stuff that needs doing and take time out for myself.

webfizzystuff · 20/12/2012 21:11

I'm not sure how we could have done anything different this year - DH is on secondment at a client which meant he had to go away for a week with two day's notice and then since he got back he's been working till 10pm (and then commuting back from London). What am I supposed to do? Demand he does his share when he isn't actually here.

Original poster
loverofwine · 20/12/2012 21:15

To me it is the planning part that is really getting to me this year.

DH runs own business and I work very part time (and bring up 4 kids!)so I expect to have to do more of the doing but I resent having to manage it all. Problem is that when I raise it DH gets all defensive and stalks off.

So this isn't really an AIBU but a Do I Need Relationship Advice..

OP posts:
MsElleTow · 20/12/2012 21:22

Alibabaa my DH is a lot of things, but he can't be accused of being lazy! He leaves the house at 6.15am and returns at around 7pm. He, also, does work at home.

As I am disabled he does quite a lot of house work, he does a lot of running around where's he kids are concerned and up until last week when DS1 passed his driving test he was getting up at 6.30am on Saturday and Sunday to get DS1 to work on time!

Yes he doesn't do Christmas. It is a bit of a running joke between us. He won't change! He will help out on the day with preparing the veg and cooking the lunch. He has been doing a lot of housework today, and will do tomorrow.

Next Christmas he won't even be here, he will be away with the RAF!

webfizzystuff · 20/12/2012 21:38

I hate the planning stuff as well loverofwine making sure we have enough cereal for 9 and coping with FILs excessive consumption of bread (no matter how many loaves I have in the freezer it is never enough Hmm) is dull beyond words. I enjoy having everyone here for Christmas especially having DD1 and DD2 home from university but the preparation is hard work.

Downandoutnumbered · 20/12/2012 21:47

YANBU. I'm knackered from a terrible autumn at work and nearly cried this morning because in laws are coming at the weekend and I needed to plan food for four days. I'm so tired, I just can't do it this year. I used to like cooking before DS was born Sad. DH pulls his weight but cooking has always been my thing, so he can't realistically do it.

PoppyWearer · 20/12/2012 21:48

My DH leaves the house every day at 6am and returns around 9pm. He would be more involved in Christmas given time but, y'know, he's busy supporting his family and all. Earning money to pay for Christmas.

He's not being an arse on purpose or for kicks.

Doesn't mean I can't moan about it on here though.

fairylightsandtinsel · 20/12/2012 22:03

yep. Last night DH opens cards from his immediate family and realises that they have bought and sent proper individual ones, with "son" etc on them, whereas he has only sent them the generic ones out of the box. He panics and says "we" have to buy proper ones today and send them as its the last posting day. In town we go our separate ways and he forgets. Doesn't remember until I ask him at 5pm if he got and sent them. He then goes back out to do so, then asks me if I have any stamps and is all huffy when I don't. FFS!!! He's good at presents for me, just really doesn't seem to get the stuff that goes into "doing" Christmas, including tings like presents for the cleaner, DS's teacher etc (and I am not a SAHM so this is not my domain automatically, just somehow falls out that way). Oh well, festive Wine

theoriginalandbestrookie · 20/12/2012 22:09

DH has been pretty good so far this year. Christmas tree up and decorated with DS, lovely lights and nodding reindeer on timer for outside.

He has also bought all of the presents for his relatives and for DS and miracle indeed is doing all the wrapping.

I have done cards which I'm a bit bah humbuggy about and kept leaving off "his" friends until I realised we have been married for 7 years so I have only excluded the ones I haven't met and haven't sent us a card Xmas Smile. I have done all the food buying and will be doing the cooking - which is fine as its easier just for me to do it.

So I'm loving Christmas this year.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 20/12/2012 22:09

Me too. And it's easy to say its my fault for letting it happen like that but the fact is that if I left any of it to DH he wouldn't do it. He's not bothered. If it doesn't get done, meh, so what?

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